In the Corner
by Soulmate Ficwriter
Summary: Penname changed - used to be marriedmyedward! Jasper sits in the corner, watching him from across the room. He's loved Edward for years but hasn't seen him in months… not since their fateful kiss. What does the future hold for these estranged friends? Dirty Talking Jasper Contest- continued - SLASH
1. In His Corner

**This is my first attempt at fan-fiction. I wrote this as a one-shot for the Dirty Talking Jasper contest. Who wouldn't be inspired to finally write by a dirty mouthed Jasper? **

**I fell in love with these boys and can't seem to stop writing about them, so this will be continued as a short multi-chap, probably eight to ten chapters. The additional chapters won't be as long as this first chapter, which is the original one-shot, just revised and tweaked a bit.**

**As I mention on my profile, the music of **_**Nickelback **_**is one of my muses. **_**Far Away**_** was the original inspiration for this story and definitely goes along with this chapter.**

**Thank you to the amazing service that is Project Team Beta, namely Marlena 516 and Twimarti for beta-ing this chapter. They had their work cut out for them with my first endeavour, for sure.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight but I do thank my lucky stars daily that Stephanie created it for us. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts, so please do not read it if you find that sort of thing offensive. You've been warned…**

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>This time, this place, misused, mistakes.<strong>_

_**Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?**_

_**Just one chance, just one breath, just in case there's just one left.**_

'_**Cause you know, you know, you know…**_

_**That I love you, I have loved you all along.**_

_**And I miss you, been far away for far too long.**_

_**I keep dreaming, you'll be with me and you'll never go.**_

_**Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore."**_

**Ch. 1 – In My Corner**

I can't believe my eyes. He is here… in our city… in our bar? How? Why? He is supposed to be gone. Far away from my aching heart, my wandering eyes, my lusting thoughts. Far enough away that I might have a chance to move on and live some semblance of a functioning life without him.

And just when I was making progress – eating, sleeping, actually leaving my loft on a regular basis – here he is before me, as glorious as ever. I've even been on a couple of dates for fuck's sake! And it's been years since I've dated as opposed to mindless-fucking one-night stands with only men that I could imagine were him. _Damn it!_

Just one glimpse of him across this dark and dingy room is all it takes, and I'm right back where I started. In painful, unrequited, dead-end love. With him.

So I sit in my corner. Yes, _my_ corner. Everyone that frequents this shit-hole knows that this corner wobbly-ass table and even less stable chair belong to me. No one bothers me here. This is where I've come since I've known him – loved him – to wallow in my useless self-pity. And now I sit in my corner, watching him. He's talking with our friends and laughing as if he doesn't have a care in the world. Carrying on as if his presence is an everyday occurrence. As if he hasn't been painfully missing from our lives these long seven months.

Thankfully, our friends don't blame me. Or if they do, they don't let on. They just accept that he had to leave. They accept that he couldn't be near me and that he had to move across the country to escape his best friend's feelings for him. Love. Lust. Longing.

How I'd hidden it for five long years, I'll never know. Hid it from him, that is. Our friend Seth knew, of course, even covering for me on occasion when I'd leave the group suddenly, unable to hide an impending panic attack or raging hard-on. I don't know how I would have made it through my years of silent hiding or these last months of open, sometimes quite loud suffering without him. With his help I'd eventually begun to heal. Until now, that is.

Speaking of... Seth keeps gazing my way, silently imploring as to my current state of mind. I look away, unable to reassure him with even as much as a weak smile or nod of my head.

And then, I'm locked in another's gaze. His gaze. My body is wracked with awareness and arousal. Sad eyes? I hastily avert my own to the floor. I need to leave – just stand up and walk out the door. If only the door weren't right beside where he is standing. If only my unstable legs would carry me. So instead, I rest my face in my hands, elbows on the table as if they can withstand the weight of the emotions building within me. Resurfacing.

Maybe if I just sit in my dark corner, they'll forget I'm here and not pay me any mind. They've left me to my withdrawn sulking plenty of times, teasing the brooding artist. "Leave him be", they'd chide, thinking me to be lost in my own creative world, on the cusp of my next big masterpiece. He especially attributed my mood swings to my art. "Always thinking. Always creating," he'd say. So to my corner he'd also leave me, unaware that I just needed to temporarily escape his scent, his constant heat that radiated to me in his every presence.

But no such luck. They all know now. Including him. Especially him. They all know of my true feelings, thanks to me and that fateful night when I let my guard down and drank way too much. Over the years, I had learned to avoid more than a couple of beers for fear of the effect alcohol had on my strained control. But it was New Year's Eve, for fuck's sake! And I was enjoying the evening with my friends and my boy. So happy he was out with us and finally free of his annoyance of a girlfriend… Bella. Always with the hanging. Always with the needy. Always with the nice. Too fucking nice, if you'd asked me, so obviously not what he needed. He needed passion and fire: feelings too strong to tame or control. Surely not her "vanilla." _Fuck no!_

But he had figured that out for himself and was so thrilled to be hanging with his friends and free. Sure, he felt bad that things hadn't worked out between them, but he was mostly relieved to start anew, hopeful to find someone that would make him happy. If only that someone could have been me. Unfortunately I slipped up that night and found out for sure that it would never, cannot ever be me.

"Jasper."

His silky voice soothes me from my memories. I blink as I lift my head from my hands. Mere feet separate us instead of the safer distance of the room or miles from here to there. His scent consumes me. His heat permeates my starved soul.

"Edward," I croak, my voice barely a whisper.

My thirsty eyes drink him in. He looks tired. A weary demeanour mirrors my own. But so, so fucking beautiful. Untamed fire locks. Scruffy chiselled jaw. Broad shoulders. Slender waist. Low-rise jeans caressing muscled legs and tight black cotton unsuccessfully concealing the toned chest and abs that I remember all too well from our morning runs.

Finally, my gaze returns to his blushing face. Sparkling green eyes the hue of deep summer's moss, clearer than last they gazed upon me. Absent are the confusion and regret. Imploring me for something. But what?

"May I sit?" he asks. I try to hide the shiver that his soothing voice invokes as I nod and pull a chair from a neighbouring table.

I rejoice in his painful presence as he takes his seat with a hint of a smile gracing his ruddy lips. My heartbeat accelerates at his nearness. I question my sanity… Is he truly here, within arm's reach? Or could this be another vivid dream – another glorious nightmare from which I awake writhing… calling his name… so painfully aroused; only explicit thoughts of his soft lips and where our kiss might have led can bring me to my excruciating release. Temporarily sated. Until next I close my eyes.

Inhaling his scent brings me back to my senses. With every breath I take, I am assured that he indeed sits before me. But there is only silence. I have no words. What does one say, I wonder? What does one say to his reason for living? What does one say to the source of his pain? What exactly can I say to the man whose safe, naive existence I brought crashing down around him, causing him to immediately flee? From me.

Hesitantly, he asks, "Can we talk? I… I need to talk to you, Jasper. Somewhere more private… please?" As if I could refuse him anything. As if I would deny him his request.

I answer with a silent nod to the exit and immediately head for the door without so much as a glance back. Yet I know he follows for I feel his heat, smell his scent, consuming me from behind. My senses are confirmed as he catches up to match me stride for stride as we begin the three block trek to my loft. He does not question our destination. He knows where we're headed, having accompanied me home many a late night, crashing on my couch instead of making the short commute to his place. How many times had I feigned sleep so that he would succumb to his own slumber? So that I might finally be free to truly look at him, study him – able to let my guard down and thoroughly appreciate his masculine beauty, eventually retreating to my bed to masturbate to images of what could never be between us.

We walk in silence – so close, yet so far. So close that his arm repeatedly brushes against mine, sending shockwaves of awareness throughout my body. Electricity. Yet so far from where I want us to be, need us to be… in each other's embrace. An impossibility.

As we make our approach, my overwhelmed mind recalls that night as if it were yesterday; that disastrous night during which I finally confirmed the fate of our doomed friendship.

_The ball had dropped, our coupled friends exchanging kisses. His constant presence from the evening had me painfully aroused as we sat together on my couch, the only ones without a significant other. My senses were besieged – head swimming from abundant alcohol consumption, body burning from his so near to mine, mind confused from too many mistaken signals. Our eyes met, lowering to glance at tongue-moistened lips. Swept up in the New Year's promise, I so foolishly misread a longing that I'd hoped finally mirrored my own. Without further thought, I brushed the back of my hand against his flushed cheek ever so lightly. Barely. He did not shy away but only seemed to understand what was about to take place between us. I slowly leaned forward and gently brushed my lips to his. He seemed to melt into me as my mind and body raced with his intimate contact of which I had craved for so long. Slightly deepening the kiss, my tongue requested entrance to his hot mouth as an involuntary moan whispered from deep within my chest. _

_Just then, Emmett spotted us and of course proceeded to infringe upon and ruin our moment. Our final moment. _

"_What the fuck?" he galumphed, sending us reeling. Edward immediately pulled away with such a look of distress on his beautiful face that my heart broke then and there into a million pieces. He retreated from the couch… from our embrace, with slender fingers touching his warmed lips, his eyes silently questioning me as to why and how? So many emotions graced his tortured face, the predominant one appearing to be disgust. As he fled into the night, I raced into the kitchen, emptying the contents of my stomach into the sink._

That was the last time I set eyes on him, heard his mesmerizing voice, felt his gentle presence. Until tonight. This night… during which he has just entered my loft by my side. As my eyes linger on him, he takes in various items in the main sitting area. The final photograph taken of us sits alone on the end table, demanding his attention; it was taken last Christmas Eve, just one week before his hasty departure. He slowly makes his way to it and carefully retrieves it, studying it before silently looking at me with knowing eyes. I briefly look away… the emotions, questions, and feelings I see there are too much to comprehend. Within seconds my eyes are drawn back to him. After cautiously returning our picture to its spot, he turns his attention to the brick wall on which resides various portraits I've painted of him. Some new, some old. All new to him. He takes them in before once again turning to me, searching for answers he fails to ask the questions to. Answers I don't have.

How did we get here?

Mental exhaustion is taking its toll. I take a seat on the couch as he begins to pace, running long fingers through sex hair and mumbling under his breath. How beautiful he is, even in such a flustered state. Especially.

Suddenly he halts his steps to stare at me, with me, through me. The silence is deafening as I continue to drown in the incredible sight of him. Incapable of movement except for my eyes as they glance down then back up, soaking up his sexy form once more. Forever more. I'm rooted to the spot – unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to communicate the multitude of emotions that battle within me. Elation for his presence. Confusion of his sudden reappearance. Fear of what is about to transpire. And of course my constant companion of raging arousal… for him. Only him.

Finally I regain mobility, and to do what? To quite obviously adjust my aching cock in my increasingly tightening jeans. _What the fuck? _I cringe as his eyes widen in witness of my indiscretion. Realization dawns on his face…

But no repulsion or disgust are apparent in his features. Awareness gives way to crimson-tinged cheeks as he uneasily shifts from side to side. Once again raking hands through hair, he glances down.

Embarrassed?

My glare follows his is in disbelief. I can't believe my eyes as I observe a definite bulge visibly forming in his jeans, as well…

_What the hell?_

Our eyes meet, locking once more. The air crackles between us, around us, through us as we share a suffocating moment. My voice eventually finds me. Having not uttered a word since returning his name back at the bar, I simply state, "You're here."

With a slow nod of his head, he just as simply replies, "I'm here."

Face still tinged pink, he raises an eyebrow and flashes that sexy crooked grin of his, but concern shadows his features. "You look good, Jas. But tired? Thinner…? I hope not because of me?"

I shrug in an attempt at failed nonchalance. I know what he sees when he looks at me now – a ghost of the man he knew, or at least thought he knew. Shaking my head and smiling a smile that I fear does not reach my eyes, as I answer weakly, voice faltering, "No, Edward. I'm fine. I'm just…"

"Stop…" he interrupts. "Just cut the bullshit, Jasper. This is me, for fuck's sake! I know you're not fine! I can see you're not fine!" Dumbfounded from his sudden outburst, mouth now gaping, words evade me once more.

Edward sighs as he slumps on the other end of the couch. Head in hands and elbows on knees, he takes deep breaths, visibly trying to regain control. Moments later he begins again, much calmer now. Quietly. Still not looking at me. "I'm so sorry. I'm just so fucking sorry, Jas! Sorry for reacting the way I did… sorry for leaving without a word… sorry I did _this _to you…" he says, gesturing to me and my current state, eyes still cast downward.

_Is he apologizing to me?_

"Wait… are you apologizing to me?" I question in confusion, shaking my head and laughing bitterly. "You don't have anything to be sorry for! Nothing! I'm the one who should be apologizing. I _am_… apologizing. This is me apologizing… I'm so sorry for ruining everything! I'm sorry for making you feel as if you had to leave… move away from your home…" I swallow in an attempt to temper the pain rising in my chest. "From me."

"You did not make me leave! You knew I was considering taking that position."

"But you wouldn't have taken it if it weren't for me! You wouldn't have... if we hadn't… if I hadn't…"

"None of that matters now," he continues, finally looking up, his eyes brimming with raw emotion. "I'm moving back. The hospital offered me my old position, and I've already accepted. I'm moving back, and I won't be leaving again."

_He's moving back?_ I attempt to hide my excitement at this latest information. "University Medical couldn't live without the brilliant Dr. Cullen, huh?" I quip, trying to lighten the heavy direction this conversation has taken.

He shakes his head, having none of that. "No, Jasper. _I_ couldn't live without _you_."

"What?" _He couldn't live without my friendship is what he has to mean…_

"I just had to get away… I needed some distance… after you kissed me…"

I interrupt, desperate to move past my incredible, horrifying mistake. Forget… "Just forget the kiss, Edward, please. Can you please just forget?"

"I don't want to forget!" he yells, seething. "I cannot forget! I will not forget!"

_What the hell does that mean?_ My head is reeling with the possibilities. My heart is pounding, and I'm taking deep, rapid breaths, as my body shakes. I'm fucking shaking! I need to get myself under control!

But could he mean…?

My hopes and fears are heightened as Edward hesitantly inches closer to me on the couch, never losing eye contact, until he is right beside me. I can not tear my eyes from his warm, green gaze. His closer proximity both calms and excites me as his sweet scent and soothing heat surround me. He speaks again, so close… I feel his honey breath fan my heated face. And I'm lost. Just as lost in him as ever.

"I can see I'm upsetting you, but just please hear me out," he pleads. "I know I haven't been here for you lately, maybe ever… I don't fucking know. But I'm here now. I just had to get away… to accept the new… feelings. To process everything. To say goodbye to who I thought I was and to the life that I thought I wanted."

"What are you saying?" My voice is barely a whisper. Do I dare hope…?

"I always supported you. You know that. I just never knew you felt _that_ way for me, but then it all made sense... and I sure as hell didn't know I might feel _that_ way for you. But then you kissed me… that damned amazing kiss that turned everything upside down. I haven't been able to think of anything else, Jas. Nothing but you." His hand gently finds my thigh, fingers curving around. I suck in a sharp breath at the intimate contact, amazing burn shooting through me – reaching out through every nerve to finally concentrate in my groin.

"I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. I'm ready now. Please show me Jasper… please show me how it can be."

_Fuck me! This is happening! This is actually fucking happening!_

He takes a deep breath and then continues in a husky voice, eyes pleading and hand lightly squeezing. "Kiss me again. I promise I won't run this time."

My boy will not have to ask again. All the barriers I've spent years constructing crumble. All the bottled emotions and subdued urges break through. I grasp the front of his shirt and pull him to me – hold him to me as my lips find his. And fuck if the entire world doesn't explode around us as our mouths caress each other's. So good… but it isn't enough, won't ever be enough. So my tongue caresses his bottom lip, asking permission to slip inside his moist mouth. He moans sweetly as his lips part to grant me access. And then I'm home, drowning in one of the many places on my boy that I've always longed to be. Drowning in the full extent of his all-encompassing heat, his intoxicating scent, which I've only barely experienced before now.

Our kiss becomes frantic as we try to drink each other in. Before I know what has happened, before I have time to question if I'm moving too fast, I'm lying on top of his firm body. My legs between his, my mouth fucking his, I begin-dry humping him like a teenager. My mouth is mumbling between kisses, and fuck if I can shut myself up.

"Fuck, baby, wanted this for so long…" I suck on his bottom lip. "Can't believe you're here… ungff… you feel so fucking good…" I delve my tongue against his, eliciting moans from deep within his chest. "God, yes… so good… taste you…" I suck his tongue between my lips.

He answers my rantings with groans, guttural moans and throaty whispers. Begging me for more in his own primal language.

"Do you see what you do to me?" I lightly bite his bottom lip before licking my tongue along it. "…_feel_ what you do to me?" I roughly thrust my hard-on against his through our jeans. "How fucking hard you make my cock, baby? For you… only you…" I nibble along his barely scruffy jaw. He nods as he writhes below me.

"And you're just as hard for me, aren't you?" My tongue finds his earlobe, licking then sucking.

"Yes…" he whines, thrusting up against me, showing me.

"I make your dick hard…" I moan, catching his earlobe between my teeth.

"Fuck yes, Jasper… so hard." His admission causes me to tremble as I lick my way back to his mouth.

But now I must force myself to slow down, to briefly pull away and look into his eyes. I need to be sure that he truly wants this. I need to give my throbbing cock a break so that I don't fucking shoot my load in my pants…

He moans in protest, begging, "More, Jas, please… show me more… I need to see… I want to feel…"

Any chance of turning back is forgotten as we are again lost in deep, desperate kisses. I pull his shirt over his head and then hastily remove my own, lying back down on my gorgeous boy, chest to chest. His naked skin feels so hot, so soft, so incredible against mine. I tell him just that. "Fuck… skin so hot… feels incredible… against me… under me…" Kissing down his jaw to behind his ear, his breathy moans invite me to keep going, to not stop, to never stop.

Eventually I force myself to pull away from his embrace so that I can stand beside him. Slowly, I unbutton my fly, exposing my bare, seeping cock to his beseeching gaze. A ragged gasp escapes his trembling lips at his first sight of me like this… for him. "Just for you, Edward. You make me like this… dick so hard it hurts, baby…"

Jeans slip over my ass and down my legs to the floor, where I swiftly kick them away. His eyes burn my flesh as he takes in my now completely naked form. No hesitation, just desire that echoes my own. Slightly blushing, he studies every inch of me while I stand temporarily paralyzed by the intensity of this moment. Our moment.

Then he is shimmying out of his jeans and I am still unable to move, rooted beside his now-exposed body. I am dazed by the most beautiful sight I have ever seen… my naked boy… naked for me. "Fucking beautiful," slips from my lips as my eyes travel, taking in every inch of him. My gaze is finally drawn to his glorious erection, so perfect. Long and thick… glistening. "So fucking perfect, baby… even better than I could've imagined." I breathlessly chuckle, "and believe me, I have." His blush deepens at my words, but his eyes are drawn back to my cock, standing proud between us.

I unconsciously begin stroking myself as he watches my hand move up and down my shaft, both of us breathing heavily, practically gasping. The intensity of his stare causes my head to fall back as I moan, "Fuck Edward… want you…" But I quickly reclaim his gaze, as I palm myself, rubbing my thumb over my weeping head. "How many times I've touched myself just like this, thinking of you just like that, lying naked before me."

My moans momentarily catch in my throat as he begins reaching toward me, fingers tentatively inching. I halt my movements, letting my hand fall to my side and holding my breath in anticipation of his hand on my aching cock… finally. My body visibly convulses as his fingers feather over my shaft, learning me before grasping me firmly. I almost come undone right then and there. So good it feels to be in his fist's embrace. "So good, baby… that's it… uugghh… stroke my cock…" I place my hand over his, slowly moving us up and down as I begin thrusting into our overlapping fists. "Fuuuccckkk! Can't take it… gonna cum…not yet…" Impending orgasm building in my belly, I swiftly pull our hands away, denying my climax. He nods in understanding, not wanting this sweet build-up to end yet, either.

Our hands now clasped, he pulls me home to his embrace; we simultaneously moan as our naked lengths meet. We quickly begin moving and grinding into one another, pre-cum lubricating our united cocks perfectly. Hot, rigid, aching flesh to flesh. Incredible sensations shoot through me at the euphoric feeling of him, at the realization that my Edward is naked beneath me, that his hard length is massaging my own. Our eyes express our desire as I lower my head to reclaim his lips and tongue, slowly and sensually this time.

Gentle versus rough… I gently caress his tongue with my own, but roughly grind against him, eliciting excruciating friction.

With one hand clutching his neck to hold him to me, my other hand reaches down between us, grasping our cocks together, dragging moans and sighs from our gaping mouths. We thrust into my tight fist, frantic for friction, in need of release… a release that I hope to continue to stave off for as long as possible… having not waited all these years for this to yet end.

"Do you like my cock fucking yours, Edward?" I pant between thrusts.

"Fuck! Yes! So! Good!" he practically screams, bucking into my hand.

But again I still my frenzied movements, burying my head against his neck and grasping my hands beneath his arms and up around his shoulders. I hold him to me, below me as I try to catch my breath...

He passionately protests, thrusting his weeping, engorged cock against my stomach. "Jas, fuck… no... don't want to… can't stop, love... please!"

"Shhhhh," I try to soothe him as I lift up to pepper his face with kisses. "It's okay, baby…" I look into his eyes, trying to make him understand. "I'm not stopping… just slowing down. I need to take care of you."

He trembles, staring up at me, considering my words. Finally, he nods before lifting his head to gently touch his lips and tongue to mine. We lie for long moments, tasting every secret depth of each other's mouths; our cocks are caught motionless and throbbing between us, our release temporarily abated.

Once I feel we've finally regained control, I slowly travel down his body, gently caressing his skin. I lay open mouth kisses along the way, concentrating first on his pebbled nipples, then on the oh-so-sexy trail of hair that leads me from his navel to his engorged cock. Finally settling between his legs, I am amazed at his raw masculine beauty and heady male scent. Briefly, I look up to find his endearing gaze on me, worshipping me. He raises a hand to caress my face, to tuck stray strands of my unruly curls behind my ear.

"I need to taste you… suck your cock, baby." I whisper.

"Please…" is his reply as his cock twitches against his soft auburn curls. I can no longer delay. I lower my mouth to him, licking his glistening tip, moaning at the pure male taste of him. Opening for him, I take his entire length into my mouth… my throat… in one firm movement. He bucks up from his spot shouting, "Ohhhh, fuuuckkkk…." before moaning uncontrollably, writhing and thrusting as I fuck his cock with my mouth: sucking and licking, up then back down, shallow then deep, over and over. I pull off him long enough to mumble encouraging words, "That's it, baby… fuck my mouth so good…" guiding him with my hands on his hips to thrust deeply down my throat. My eyes lock with his lusty stare. I lick from the bottom of his shaft to his swollen head to firmly swipe my tongue around the ultra-sensitive ridge, finally sucking on the most sensitive spot just below the head. I then take him in fully once more only to still with him buried deep in my throat, swallowing around him.

Suddenly he is pulling me up, his cock slipping from my mouth's hot embrace to slap against his stomach. Begging me again, he's mumbling his needs to me, "Oh… fuck… close, love… too close." He holds me to him, trembling and still pleading, "Please, fuck me." Searching my gaze with his own, he continues, "I need to feel you... inside. Please, love… make love to me?"

I gasp, swallowing the lump that has formed in my throat. "If I fuck you... if we do this… there can be no turning back. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Jasper. That's what I'm asking…"

"You want me to take you? You want me to make you mine…?"

"Fuck, yes… please…"

I nod and then quickly excuse myself to return with the lube and condom. He lies in wait for me, hard and wanting, eyes watching as I leave the room and swiftly return to his side. I lean over him, giving him one last slow and gentle kiss, for I know our coupling will be quite the opposite. I've held my feelings in for far too long; I have no hope of controlling myself once I'm buried inside him.

Kneeling before him on the floor, I pull him to me so that I am between his legs, his back lying flat across the middle seat of the couch, head propped against the back and ass up to the edge. Open to me… so fucking open. I sheath my now painfully engorged erection with the condom as he watches my every move, and then liberally lubricate myself and his entrance. "I need to prepare you for my cock, sweetheart. I'm going to fuck you with my fingers to get you ready. Trust me."

"I trust you, Jasper..." he answers, eyes urging me to continue, sharing with me his desires and fears. Carefully, I prepare him with one finger… then two… finally three as my other hand caresses back and forth between his taut stomach and swollen cock. He writhes before me, calling my name, begging me to begin. The enormity of this moment shakes me to the core. I'm about to make love to my boy… finally get my chance to share with him the depths of my feelings and desires. In this one simple yet so very complex act.

I rub the head of my cock along his length, slowly down across his balls, finally to his awaiting hole. Anticipation runs between us in one last intense stare as I wait for his final consent. "Are you ready for me baby…? It will hurt at first, but I promise I will make you feel good." With lusty, heavy eyes and a slight nod of his head, he implores me to take him. I answer his silent plea by finally pushing into him, cursing at the effort to barely take him inch by excruciating inch as he gasps at my intrusion. Once my length is fully embraced within him, I still so that he may better adjust to my girth and gently wipe away the few stray tears that run down his flushed cheek.

Before I have the chance to question if we should continue, he pulls me to him in a searing kiss while the bottom of his feet meet the back of my thighs, strong legs forcing me even further inside.

"Fuck… oh, Edward… fuck… you're so fucking tight… wanted this… fuck… so long… so right, baby…" My honesty slips into his mouth, verbal filter completely obliterated by the feeling of his tight heat around me, surrounding me, consuming me. Body to body. Heart to heart.

"That's it… take my cock, sweetheart… take it all…" I grunt before my mouth roughly claims his as my body owns his.

We are attached from mouth to groin, moving together, swallowing each other's moans that each thrust elicits from deep within. We make love as we fuck, as I'm finally able to show him what I've wanted for so long. His leaking cock glides between our stomachs, neglected by our hands as mine are gripping his shoulders form beneath. His are grasping each cheek of my ass, both of us pulling me further inside with each deliberate thrust of my hips.

I bury my face in his neck as my impending climax nears, chanting with each plunge, "So. Fucking. Good. So. Fucking. Good," over and over.

"Oh god, Jas… so full… so close… fuck…" Edward growls as he grasps the back of my hair in one hand, ass in the other, trying to draw me in impossibly deeper, grinding his cock against my stomach. He gives himself over to me completely, to this moment, to our moment. Letting me know that I too can get lost in my deepest needs and desires for him.

"I know, baby," I moan into his neck. "I'm close, too… so fucking close… your ass feels amazing… made for my cock… love fucking your tight ass..."

He whimpers as I slow my thrusts and straighten my body, positioning us for the home stretch, as I know I won't last much longer. My release will no longer be denied. I spread him even further, grabbing on to the inside of his knees as I pant, "I'm going to fuck you now… so deep, baby." I begin to continuously thrust into him harder, yet. With the new position, my cock repeatedly slams against his prostate, sending his back arching off the couch, his hands squeezing my hips to him, deliciously bruising me.

"Oh…? What… the…fuck?" he shouts, questioning the new sensation. "Gonna… Cum…!" Without a stroke from either of us, his cock spasms and pulses, shooting hot streams of cum across his stomach and chest. He falls apart before me… for me… by me, writhing and screaming my name, climax engulfing his senses. Seeing him come so undone – feeling his orgasm embrace my thrusting cock – sends me crashing over the edge of my own too-long-denied climax. Throwing my head back, I roar through the most intense orgasm I've yet experienced; every fibre of my being is saturated with the depth and force of my release. Our joined release.

Finally I collapse on top of him, panting and trembling with him as the realization of what he's just given me washes over me, courses through me… reciprocated feelings, my own no longer in vain. For long minutes we lay just like this as gradually our heart rates slow and breathing returns to normal.

He whimpers softly when my now sated cock slips from within his body's embrace, grasping me to him tightly, letting me know that he too feels the shift in our forever changed universe. Kissing his temple, I murmur reassuringly, "Shhhh, sweetheart. Don't fret, for I will make you mine again soon enough…"

"I am always yours," he simply replies, gazing into my eyes. Then, taking my mouth to his, he gently nibbles my bottom lip before softly slipping his tongue inside. I return his sweet kiss as we caress, reaffirming what we've mutually experienced – promises for what now can be.

Eventually I stand, pulling him to me, into my awaiting arms. We make our way to my bedroom where, once we've hurriedly cleaned up, we slip under the covers of my awaiting bed and back into each other's embrace. He holds me to him, snuggled into his chest, legs tangling so that we are touching in as many places as possible.

Taking my hand, he entwines his fingers with mine before asking, "How long, love? How long have you wanted me like this?"

Truth… there is nothing left but the truth. I raise my head to rest my chin on his chest, returning his gaze. With a swallow I answer, "I have wanted you like this… loved you like this since the beginning… since we first met…"

He gasps, pulling me to him tightly, whispering promises into my sweat-dampened hair. "I'm so sorry I didn't see it sooner. But now that you've shown me, I won't waste another moment without you by my side… I promise you that."

All I can do is nod as a lone tear escapes me, as I am left to wonder at the miracle that is now my Edward. Finally mine…

"_**On my knees, I'll ask, last chance for one last dance.**_

'_**Cause with you I'd withstand all of it to hold your hand.**_

_**I'd give it all, I'd give for us,**_

_**give anything, but I won't give up.**_

_**But you know, you know, you know,**_

_**I wanted, I wanted you to stay.**_

'_**Cause I needed, I need to hear you say,**_

_**That I love you, I have love you all along.**_

_**And I forgive you, for being away for far too long.**_

_**So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore.**_

_**Believe it, hold on to me, never let me go."**_

_Months later..._

I sit in my familiar, yet new, spot as I anxiously watch the door for his arrival. Familiar because I feel as if I've lived half my life from here. New because it is no longer a solitary, lonely place full of longing and pain. It has become our corner wobbly-ass table and two less stable chairs; _our_ corner, where we often reunite after a long day apart, sharing a beer and sometimes a greasy dinner before heading home. To make love, heal, adore, fuck… together.

Edward was able to pack up his belongings and get back to me in record time; that was the easy part. Fitting his shit into my loft… our loft… yeah, not so much. Little fucking hoarder. But I love him anyway.

It hasn't all been easy. Compromises had to be made. Obstacles and arguments I'm sure are yet to come. But we'll get through anything as long as we have each other. And we do… as we will.

The breath I didn't realize I was holding rushes out of strained lungs as I finally glimpse the brilliant, unruly locks that can only belong to him. He quickly approaches, unable to hide the mutual relief that he also feels at the sight of me. Strong lips find mine as we embrace before taking our seats to discuss each of our day's events. Soon enough we are joined by friends, always drawn to this corner now that it emanates happiness and love.

As I'm laughing at Seth and Emmett's latest antics, I feel my boy's hand squeeze my jeans-clad thigh under the table. Immediately aching, I shiver as his feather-light touch slowly moves up and in to barely graze the head of my already rigid cock. It has been since morning that I've felt his body writhing, straining beneath me, around me. I _will not_ wait much longer... I _cannot_ wait much longer. His warm breath washes over me as he pulls me to him, whispering with a wink, "Tonight your ass is mine, love. Quite literally…"

"Fuuccckkk…" I moan, swallowing hard as all coherent thought dissipates. Lost in his darkening gaze, I tremble at his promise. He smirks when I immediately raise my hand, calling to our passing waitress, "Check, please!"

* * *

><p><strong>Next up we'll get a peek into Edward's head during his seven months <strong>_**far away, **_**as he comes to terms with his reaction to the kiss and his resulting changing feelings for Jasper. Then we'll see how the boys' new relationship develops for a bit. They have a lot of time to make up for. Edward just may have a dirty mouth of his own.**

**I'm in need of a beta for the rest of this story. If anyone is available and interested, please let me know. I'd be forever in your debt. :-) Please review and let me know what you think.**


	2. Far Away

**AN - Here's a peek inside Edward's head during his time away. **

**Thank you, thank you, thank you harritwifan for being my beta. You're enthusiasm for my story has made my journey into writing so rewarding! You've helped me so much!**

**I also want to give a shout out to Fliberty for inspiring this chapter with her review to the one-shot. Thanks!**

**And thanks so much to everyone who has read, reviewed, or put me on alert! Everyone has been so welcoming.**

**A number of _Nickelback_ songs make up the playlist for this chapter, in the following order as Edward's mood and emotions change: **_**Woke Up This Morning, Slow Motion, How You Remind Me, Someday, Somebody, I'd Come For You **_**and of course, **_**Far Away. **_

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight but I do thank my lucky stars daily that Stephanie created it for us. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts, so please do not read if it might offend you. **

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 2 – Far Away<strong>

**Epov**

**_The morning after…_**

Phone in hand, I wait for the other end of the line to pick up. I hope I'm doing the right thing – for everyone involved. I just have to get away.

My cousin's familiar voice finally answers. "Edward?"

"Kate?" My raspy voice grates my own ears. I can only imagine how I must sound to her.

"Yeah, buddy. What's up? You okay? You don't sound so good…"

"I've reconsidered, Kate. I'll take the position," I state, my voice void of emotion.

"Great, Eddie! Oh, wow… that's incredible. We'll be so glad to have you join our team!"

If only I could return her enthusiasm.

"My flight leaves tomorrow. When can I start?"

**_One week far away…_**

I can do this.

I can get out of bed and start my new job.

I can go to work with my cousins at their private practice instead of at the hospital that I love so much.

I will make a new life for myself here!

I will stop drinking myself into oblivion every evening in a failed attempt to forget.

I will ignore my aching cock, constantly distracting me – constantly rigidly hard since that god damned kiss. I refuse to stroke myself again to thoughts of his lips on mine, briefly. Too briefly? I'm fucking straight, dammit! Always have been. Always will be.

It's just because it was Jasper. And we were so close. And I've been lonely for such a god damned long time. Forever. I wouldn't have reacted that way to any other man, or him again, for that matter.

But if we were so close, how in the hell could he do this to me? Betray me like this? Ruin everything we had? Everything I had? Why wasn't he honest with me? So that maybe now I wouldn't question every aspect of our friendship. Every private conversation. Every too-long glance. Every accidental touch.

I know the answer to my questions.

I do.

He never told me because he was afraid. He was afraid that I would react exactly as I have.

**_One month far away…_**

_Fuck._ I miss my home so damned much, my friends. Jasper. What the hell is he to me anyway? What the hell am I to him? I thought he was my closest friend. But now I realize he felt more, so much more. _For how long_, I wonder?

For how long had he wanted to kiss me? For how long had he wanted who-the-hell-knows what else? And where would he have led that kiss if we hadn't been interrupted? If I hadn't fled like the coward that I am? From the unexpected feelings that his kiss invoked?

So many fucking questions constantly swirling around in my head. It's exhausting.

**_Two months far away…_**

Finally another day is done. Another tortuous day. I miss the chaos of the hospital. I miss my condo. I miss my friends – one in particular. And unfortunately for me, it isn't getting any easier. Not one damned bit, actually.

Everything is just so different here. I miss my old life there. And if I'm being completely honest with myself, which I try so very hard not to be these days… but if I slip up and admit the truth, I realize that I mostly miss my Jas. He kept me grounded.

I had always felt a little out-of-step, out of it in general before meeting him. He had tended bar at the neighborhood hangout that my med school buds and I frequented. He was such the starving artist when we met him. So bad-ass, but laid back and cool at the same time. We immediately hit it off with him and adopted him into our group. And he quickly became my best friend. He also quickly became rather famous, no longer needing to tend bar to make ends meet. So he'd hang out with us on the patron side. And I always enjoyed myself more, felt more at ease, when he was present.

Yet here I am, forcing myself to live out-of-step once more. I can't go back. Not yet, if ever. Things are just so fucked up in my head. I don't know why I'm so distraught. I don't know why I can't go back. If I want to go back. If I want things to be the same if I do go back.

_Fuck!_

I do know that I feel betrayed. But I also know that I shouldn't, that he didn't dare tell me for fear of losing me just as he did.

I also know that his kiss awoke feelings inside of me that I didn't even know I had. For him. For a man. Yeah, because he's a man, obviously, and I just can't wrap my head around what that means for my future.

He may no longer welcome my friendship, after reacting like I did, leaving like I did. And I think he was in love with me for fuck's sake.

How did I not see? The signs were all there. Why I chose to ignore them I don't understand. The way he looked at me, for instance. I'd catch him staring and I'd just blow it off as Jas being Jas, always so intense. And looking back, I realize that I never once felt uncomfortable under the blanket of his intense gaze. Quite the opposite.

There was also his incessant moodiness. One minute happy, the next minute depressed. Withdrawn. Especially whenever Bella came around. I hadn't even realized I'd begun avoiding him when I was with her. His contempt for her rolled off of him in tangible waves. And for sweet Bella, of all people! The girl I'd thought to be my _somebody_. The sweetest girl I've ever known.

But if she was so damned sweet, why wasn't she enough for me? Why couldn't I follow through with a future with her? The future that I always thought I wanted? Always knew I wanted…

Because it was so very wrong, that's why. We were wrong. The longer I was with her the more wrong it felt. And the only time I felt right was when I was with Jasper. I just felt at peace around him. Content. Maybe that explains why we'd been spending even more time together. Taking morning runs almost every day. Hanging at the bar almost every night, which usually led to me sleeping on his couch. He always looked out for me, always wanted me near, often insisting that I just crash at his place. Now I understand why.

**_Three months far away…_**

I finally called Seth. It was so good to talk to one of my old friends. My new friends here are nice enough, and my dear cousins, of course, they are like sisters for all intents and purposes, but they just don't get me like my old friends did.

Seth and I mostly skirted around the subject of Jas, but when I finally asked how he's doing, Seth let me know in no uncertain terms that he's not good.

_Fuck! _He's miserable because of me! And that makes me feel like shit. I'm such an asshole. I don't want to be the cause of his pain. My best friend. My sweet Jasper. But I just can't face him.

I never had a problem with his sexual preference. To each his own. And I always wondered why he never had serious boyfriends, being the good looking, smart, witty guy that he is. Sure he gets a little distant at times, even indifferent, but people are always drawn to his pure soul.

He never brought any men around us, either – his closest friends. I'd just meet the occasional guy in passing when I'd pick Jas up early to run, usually after having spent the previous evening heavy in his absence.

These men always looked so completely sated, just thoroughly good and fucked. And I realize now that I was jealous of them for appearing so generally satisfied when I didn't have that myself. I don't think it had anything to with the fact that it was Jas that had put that fulfilled look on their faces, that swagger in their step. Or did it?

**_Four months far away…_**

My feet pound the pavement as the day is just dawning. My thoughts are of course on Jas – always. And how much morning runs suck without him. This used to be my favorite time of day. But no longer. There is no longer a favorite time of my day. Every excruciating minute of every endless day just creeps into the next.

Something has to give. Something has to change. I'm so fucking miserable. I'm so far away. I don't belong here. I need to go back home. But first I must decide what I want to happen when I get there.

The hospital will take me back in a heartbeat, because of the heartbeats that I seem so gifted at saving. But where will I live? Mom sold my condo for me.

And then there's Jasper. Is our friendship salvageable? Do I want to be friends? Do I want to be _just_ friends?

I've called him a few times, but each time I hang up when I hear his voice or voicemail. And the rich, soothing sound of his voice coupled with its slight southern twang sends shivers straight through me. I wonder if he knows it is me – the random, unfamiliar number not leaving messages or just rudely hanging up on him. I had cancelled my old cell service when I left, new start and all. Yeah, I kind of went over board. I know that now. Hell, I knew that then.

And now here I am. So fucking lonely I can barely function. Not that I don't have plenty of prospects. But I'm realizing that I don't want just anybody; I'm wondering if there might be only one person who will do.

Kate and Irina have a long list of friends they're just dying to set me up with. And then there are a couple of nurses at the office that I know to be interested, including a young, very openly gay man by the name of Riley. I'd never been approached by a man before moving here. I must put off some different signal now that I've been kissed by one, because I seem to get a lot of attention from the same sex. Or maybe I just didn't notice before? Fuck if I know.

But I have no interest. I haven't dated and I don't plan to until I figure my shit out. My hand and I have become quite intimate lovers these past few months, almost as close as we were as teenagers, before I discovered the glory of hand jobs and blow jobs from the girls.

And I should probably consider that Jasper is my lover, now that he is the only one I think of as I bring myself to release, daily… nightly. So many times I couldn't keep track of if I tried.

But could I be with him in the flesh as I am in my imagination? In my dreams? I think so… And if it is anywhere near as incredible as I envision, or if the heat consumes me as it did when his lips caressed mine, well… then there is no question. But I must be sure.

Could Jas be my _somebody_?

**_Five months far away…_**

"Jasper… fuck, yes, Jas… Don't stop!"

I wake up calling to him, again. From another dream of him kissing me, stroking me, sucking me… everything.

I've recently taken to watching gay porn. At first I just wanted to see if it turned me on or turned my stomach. I had to see where I actually stood on sex between men, to see if I might want that with Jasper. It took some getting used to, but nothing ever actually put me off. And then when I'd imagined Jasper and I in each position, each situation… _fuck_. I've never been so turned on in my life. So now I've moved from mild curiosity to full-on addiction.

Every night I watch porn, preferably starring a man that as closely resembles Jasper as possible. I actually have a favorite guy with his slim, athletic build and wavy, dark-blond hair. I especially like the ones of him solo, stroking himself until he cums, whispering dirty things. I nestle down in bed with my laptop and imagine that he is Jasper talking to me like that. _Fuck_, how hot a dirty mouthed Jasper would be.

Yet every night I awaken in the middle of the night, cock so hard it's mildly painful, even though I've just masturbated to thoughts of him hours earlier. I just can't seem to get enough. And tonight is no different. It's fucking four a.m., again. And I didn't want that particular dream to end.

It started with us on his couch kissing, as they all do. Every incredible dream starts that way. He leans in and kisses me just as he did that night. But we are alone. Emmet isn't there to call us out. And I do not pull away. I do not run. I embrace the new desire for him that courses through my veins. As it did that night…

Tonight's dream was so incredibly vivid I swore it was real, actually happening. I'd hoped it was happening – that he was really touching me that way. First tentatively, skirting around where I needed to feel him the most. Eventually taking my hardened cock in hand, stroking me so tenderly, yet firmly.

"_Oh fuck, Jas. That feels so good…" _

I close my eyes and imagine he's here, lying beside me. I can almost feel his heat warming my skin – warming my soul. My hand becomes his as I envision him stroking me as he did in my dream. His soft hand tightly glides up and down, around my cock. His thumb swipes my sensitive head with every pass, slickening me with the pre-cum that my swollen length is leaking.

"_Yes, Jas, please. Don't stop touching me. Don't ever stop…"_

"_Does that feel good, baby?" _he breathily asks against my neck. "_You like me stroking your cock?_"

"_Fuck, yes. Feels so good… don't stop… need you…" _I shamelessly beg for him.

My cock feels so hard and tight, ready to explode as my fantasy changes to him kneeling between my legs, taking me deep into the wet warmth of his mouth.

Stopping just long enough to lick my hand wet with saliva, I return to my aching cock with my slickened hand and gently tug on my balls with the other. Fisting myself firmly, I tighten across the head with each pass as his throat would. I imagine running my fingers through his hair before roughly grasping that at the nape of his neck. The image of him working me is too much. My orgasm builds suddenly. Body trembling, the delicious burn travels from my balls to every extremity.

"Oh fuck, Jasper… fuck, yes!" I call out as the semen rips from my body, each spurt invoking nerve numbing spasms that ricochet from my throbbing cock to every clenching muscle.

But my euphoria is fleeting as I return to reality – my very lonely reality. My reality without Jasper. He may be far away, yet he is present on my body… in my mind… and in my heart as I drift into a fitful sleep, yet again.

**_Six months far away…_**

It's only a matter of time. Deep down I know what I must do. But I just can't take the final step. I can't go back unless I'm one hundred and ten percent positive that this is what I want. That I want to be with Jas. That I want everything I imagine to actually happen. That I can be his boyfriend – his lover.

In theory I want all of these things so very, very badly. But I'm afraid of hurting him if it doesn't work out. And I refuse to hurt him again.

I must also accept the possibility that he has moved on, that he's already found somebody to love him back. That he has replaced me.

He deserves so very much, especially a man that can return his love proudly and without question. This, I think, is what scares me the most. If I decide to go through with this, I must be prepared to change my entire life for him. He is _out_ and would not be happy back _in_. And I won't make him return to the caged, closeted life he once had to live.

So to truly be with him I must come out, even though I've just begun to embrace the idea of being gay, or bi, or whatever the hell it is I am. And I don't know what I am because I've not felt mildly attracted to anyone since that night. Anyone except Jasper, that is. My memory Jasper. My fantasy Jasper.

I've also decided that I can't go home and _not_ be with him. I can't go back to the way things were, even if he'd be okay with it. My feelings are too strong for him to be around him just casually, but I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to be with him fully.

I'm so fucked!

So I wait. I wait for… I don't know what… a sign?

**_Seven months far away… _**

Tonight I think I'll get shit faced. Completely drunk off my ass. Yeah. That's exactly what I'll do. Just what the doctor ordered – myself, that is.

I'll drag my sorry ass to Kate's annual summer shindig, my first and probably last. I don't think I can stay away much longer. And it appears that if I don't get my ass in gear and decide what the hell I want for once and for all, I may lose my chance.

I called him last night. For the first time in weeks, I dialed his damned number and might have even spoken up this time, but Jasper didn't answer. Someone else answered. Some other man answered. Not a voice I recognize.

So I am left to assume… _fuck_, I don't even know what to assume. Another man answered Jas's cell, someone familiar enough to answer his fucking cell! It must be a lover. Or worse yet, a boyfriend. I am fucking nauseous.

But what did I expect? It's been seven months! Did I expect him to just sit there pining for me, after leaving him so horribly, without any indication that I'd return?

_No… fuck no!_

I want him to be happy. I need him to be happy. But I think I'm almost to the point that it can be me who makes him happy. It should be me. It has to be me.

So maybe a large quantity of alcohol will bring on an epiphany, or make me forget. Anything to stop the constant torture that is my fucked up life.

The party has been pleasant; everyone is in good spirits on this warm, early August evening. August 1st to be exact. Seven months to the day since I left my home, since I left him, my soul behind. And now I sit in one of the lounges on Kate's back patio, nicely inebriated.

Numb. I'm feeling rather numb. I've almost been able to keep Jasper out of my head these last few hours. Almost.

As I sit here on the edge of oblivion, I realize that tonight hasn't been half bad. Kicking back with my co-workers, some really good grilled cooking, and some even better alcohol, has been nice. I'm as relaxed as I've been in a long time. So why can't I stop wondering what Jas is up to right now? Who he's up to right now?

Only a few party goers remain. Riley and I are the only one's left outside and he is of course eyeing me like I am something to eat, as he always does.

I briefly return his gaze as I truly take him in and realize what an attractive guy he is with his boyish good looks, sandy brown hair, and nicely muscled physique. Maybe under other circumstances I would be into him. Hell, I guess if my currently hardening dick is any indication, I'm into him right now.

Suddenly, I feel claustrophobic under his hungry stare.

I stumble my way into the pool house, but am not alone for long. By the time I sit on the couch, Riley is joining me. He sits beside me, uncomfortably close, hand resting on my knee.

I relax back into the plush cushions, resting my head and eyes as the room begins to spin. This feels wrong, but it has been so damned long since I've felt another's touch. And it doesn't feel wrong that a man is touching me, just that Jasper isn't that man.

Indecision. Do I stop where this is going or take this opportunity to explore my recent curiosity? Maybe, just maybe, I can find out if I enjoy a man's affections; I can find out if I'm ready to truly be with Jas.

Riley's husky voice breaks the silence as he leans in to murmur against my neck. "Let me make you feel good, Doc." His hand slowly caresses up to disappear under the leg of my shorts as he begins kissing my neck just below my ear. My cock continues to lengthen as his gentle fingers trace the leg of my boxer briefs before finding their way beneath to graze my balls. A moan, deep and needy, escapes me.

Riley practically purrs, "Mmmnnn… that's it, sugar. If your neck tastes this good, how might the rest of you taste?"

Removing his hand from my shorts, it trails up, over my groin, then my stomach, finally stalling at the top button of my shirt. He leisurely makes the same path back down as he unbuttons each button, kissing down my chest as new skin is revealed. Then he is licking my abdomen along the waist-band of my shorts and I can't help but moan again.

He makes quick work of the button and zipper of my shorts. But I have yet to glance down, visually participate, acknowledge what this sexy boy is doing to me.

He urges me to lift my ass enough so that he can pull my shorts down past my knees. Releasing my length from the confines of the cotton, he pulls down my underwear to just below my balls, my cock springing free like a caged animal. My body wants this, craves his lips and hot, moist mouth – even as my mind isn't so sure.

I finally lift my head from the back of the couch and open my eyes to find him staring at my erection with darkened eyes. As if in invitation, it twitches. Fucking twitches!

His eyes find mine as he smirks up at me and begins languidly stroking, up then back down, Up then back down with one hand while the other rubs my balls. "Damn, Doc. What do we have here? What a beautiful, big dick you have. The better to fuck my mouth with?"

And again I fucking moan, breathy this time.

I give in… I just give in to the incredible sensations that ripple from my messaged cock to every nerve in my body. A man, shit… practically a boy, is about to suck my dick.

"Mmmnnn… fuck that feels good…" I hear myself say.

"Well, if you think this feels good, just you wait till my mouth is licking you… sucking you…" he murmurs before finally lowering his big, beautiful mouth to my erection. His tongue gently licks from balls to tip before his plump lips are kissing the slit... he's actually french-kissing the weeping slit of my now incredibly rigid cock, and _fuck_, it may just be the best damned thing I've felt in my entire life.

No… I stand corrected… I'm mistaken… because now he begins deep throating me, so fucking deep. His lips fucking buried in my pubes, and _this_ is the best damned thing I've ever felt in my entire life.

"Fuck… fuck… fuck… fuck…" All I can say is _fuck_!

He pulls off me with one long, languid suck. "Oh yes, we can fuck, Doc. But first let me suck you off. Okay?" With a wink he goes back to the licking and the sucking.

And it hits me, hits me so fucking hard… I have my dick in a _man's_ mouth. And a man's mouth feels so incredibly better than any woman's mouth ever has. It's bigger. It's stronger. It's wetter, if that's even possible. And the suction, _fuck_! The suction is so strong, so intense. Best head of my life thus far.

So this definitely settles it. I like men. I like a man touching me. And I like a man's mouth on my cock. Fucking love it, actually. If only someone else's gaze returned my own, ocean blue to be exact, instead of the brown that currently meets me. So I must close my eyes and lean my head back, yet again. I must try to block out that – while this physically feels so very right – my heart is screaming that it is oh-so-very-fucking-wrong. But the intense warmth and tingle that now radiate from my cock beckons me to let go and just enjoy.

Riley teases me as I begin thrusting into his mouth. He has loosened his mouth's embrace, slowed his pace, shortened his passes – momentarily abating my release. I reach down with both hands to cradle his head, gently guiding him to go faster and deeper once more. But his short hair under my fingers feels wrong. Longer tendrils should surround my grasp, entwining my fingers. My hands pull back as if shocked.

Nevertheless, the burn in my loins returns as Riley resumes the intense ministrations of which my body cannot deny. So I grasp the cushions of the couch on each side of me.

Glorious moist heat… is this what Jasper's mouth would feel like? I grow impossibly harder at the thought of it being Jas that is currently between my legs… that it is Jas's lips that draw my impending orgasm. My balls tighten, my cock squirting stream after stream of my semen down Riley's throat. But it is not Riley's name that escapes me.

I moan _his_ name, long and low, "Jaaaassssss…," as I ride out my orgasm, still clutching the couch as if my life depends on it.

Before I've completely come down from my high, Riley is asking, "Okaayeee… who the fuck is Jas?"

_Shit…_

Regret and embarrassment wash over me. How did I allow this to happen? Not only do I feel as if I've wronged Jas in some way, but I _know_ that I have wronged Riley, who still hovers just above my now limp and sated cock.

"Fuck… sorry… so, so sorry! Excuse me… bathroom, now…" I manage as I scramble to the small attached bathroom, stumbling as I pull my shorts up. I barely make it to the sink before vomiting the night's food and liquor and most recent bile.

After rinsing the sink the best I can, I splash cold water on my face in an attempt to clear my head. Riley appears in the mirror as I am drying my face. Standing behind me, he reaches out to rub my back. The only emotion I detect on his sweet face is that of concern.

Turning to lean against the countertop, I try to find the words to explain. "Um… uh… fuck, Riley. I've… you see… I've never been with a man before."

Leaning back against the opened door, Riley chuckles, "I kind of figured that going in, Doc. But… was I wrong to assume you were open to my advances? No offense, but, uh… you seemed to be attracted to me…" he says, glancing down at my groin. "You seemed to enjoy it," he smirks.

"God… fuck, yeah I enjoyed it. It… that was amazing!" Dropping my eyes to the floor, I feel a blush coloring my cheeks as I try to continue while brushing a hand through my hair. "I guess I've only recently discovered that I am attracted to men… to you, obviously…" I stammer, gesturing toward the couch where we had just been.

Riley's sincere gaze calms me; he gives me his full attention as I go on, "But I still shouldn't have let anything happen between us… you see, um… I'm not really available. Not available at all, actually. And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to take advantage of you, but I guess I kind-of did."

"Hold up, there doc." He shakes his head as he holds his hands out. "No need to apologize. I'm not looking to settle down. I wasn't expecting a marriage proposal. Though, it would have been nice to fuck that hot ass of yours a time or two, but we're good. Really… you didn't take advantage of me. If anything I feel as if I've taken advantage of you." He smiles at me, warmly, openly. He really is such a sweet boy. I wonder where this might have lead if my heart didn't belong to another.

He continues with another sexy smirk, letting me know he's just teasing. "So you never answered my question… who is this Jas character whose name you moan as you come down _my_ throat?"

"Oh yeah… well… he's my best friend. Or, he was… my best friend, that is. He's back in Seattle."

"Oh, I see. So this is who you've been pining for all these months," he smiles and nods as if he knew there was someone else all along. "So what the fuck are you doing here, then?"

"Well, it's complicated." I shuffle about, uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Are you in love with him?" he questions, matter-of-factly.

And I realize that without a doubt, I am. I am in love with Jasper. I love him and I want to be with him. I need to be with him. I feel myself smile as I fully embrace my reality. "Yes… I guess I am. And you're absolutely right. What the fuck am I doing?" _What the fuck am I doing so far away from him? _

With that he just shrugs, eyes glistening as if he's just let me in on a secret that he's known all along. Fucking amazing, imp of a boy.

So I answer our question. "I guess I finally know what I'm doing, thanks to you. I'm going home."

"There you go, Doc. Now you're making sense," Riley replies with a grin before a pout transforms his face. "Sucks for me, though. I'll miss your pretty face and cute ass to ogle at the office." And with that he waggles his eyebrows and we both laugh, as we still stand together in this tiny bathroom.

"Come here and give me a hug, you…" he whispers as he pulls me into his arms.

Mumbling into his shoulder as I return his embrace, I apologize, once more. "Yeah, and sorry for leaving you hanging, you know… letting you do what you did… without reciprocating and all."

He pulls back to look at me, chuckling, yet again. "Oh, no worries, Doc. Having your crush call out someone else's name while you suck him off… kind of kills a boner… if you know what I mean?"

"Uh… yeah. I guess it would," I quietly laugh while shaking my head at his candidness. I then lean in to kiss Riley's cheek, lingering just a moment. It's the least I can do. As I pull away, Riley reaches into my front pocket. Before I can inquire as to what he is doing he pulls my cell-phone out and begins typing away.

"What are you doing?" I ask, but am quickly interrupted by the ringing of his cell in his pocket.

Handing me my phone, he explains. "Now you have my number and I have yours. And you're going to make me a promise."

"Okay?" I question, curious to hear what this promise is.

"You… are going to promise me that if things don't work out with your friend, with this Jas that is oh-so-rudely cock blocking me – you will call me, so that we can pick up where we left off. And I'll promise you something in return… I promise you that it will be my name you call out if we get a next time." He raises his eyebrows, smirking, waiting for my reply.

I shake my head and laugh, again amazed at how cool he is. "Okay. I promise."

As we begin to make our way towards the door to the outside, I pat Riley on the back. "Thanks for everything. Seriously. You don't know how much you've helped me tonight."

"Don't mention it, Doc. And thank you." And with that, he gives me a chaste kiss on the lips, before disappearing into the darkness. I glance down at my phone in my hand, the most recent outgoing call being his, and quickly save it into my contacts without a second thought.

I then make my way toward the house to explain my impending permanent departure to my cousin. And as I walk I experience a long lost emotion; a feeling of hope. A hope for a future with the love of my life. And Jas is just that. I think he has been all along. I just didn't open my mind and heart to the possibility of all that our relationship can be. I'm in love with another man. So. Fucking. Be. It.

Now I know what I must do. I must get back to Jasper as quickly as possible. I must try to make things right. I just hope that I'm not too late.

**_Two hours back…_**

_Breathe, Edward. You can do this. You have to do this…_

I immediately feel his presence as I enter the bar. By the time I spot him, it is his back that I see as he is walking away. Walking away towards that damned corner. His corner to which he's withdrawn to so many fucking times. He appears to be alone, at least. There is no sign of answer-Jas's-cell-phone-guy from two nights previous.

Emmett and Seth spot me before I can even move past the entrance. "Edward, fuck! Where the hell you been, man?" Emmett shouts as he slaps me on the back.

Seth is much more subtle as he greets me with a smile, knowing eyes, and a hug.

I position myself between them so that my back is to Jasper and his corner. I tell myself that I just need a few more minutes to work up to approaching him. Although, that's all I've been doing these twenty hours since hastily leaving Kate's, throwing some shit together, and jumping on the first plane that would have me. And now I am here and I'm actually about to do this!

Seth leans in with his quiet, soothing demeanor, "It's so good to see you. Jas is here…" he says, nodding toward his corner

"I'm here _for_ Jas." I answer, trying to convey my true meaning with my eyes.

"Well, then… it's about fucking time, man. He's been waiting for you, you know? Even if he doesn't realize it himself, he's been waiting."

Before I can respond, we are interrupted as Jake and Sam join us, as the happy reunion continues; my body buzzes with anticipation at what this evening will hopefully bring. Before I know it, I have been standing here bull shitting, pretending to laugh at what my friends have to say, for at least fifteen minutes. I notice Seth glancing Jasper's way again.

I force myself to finally turn so that I can look at him. _Fuck. _He looks so tired and down right haggard, but gorgeous, just the same. His dark blond waves are longer, down past his ears. Intense ocean-blue eyes return my stare, and I finally recognize that imploring gaze of his for what it is…

Desire. It was always desire. It is still desire. But too soon he averts his eyes to the floor, before they disappear completely into the shelter of his hands as he rests his elbows on the table.

_Fucking hell_. I am the reason for his wariness. I must make this right. I must make him see… see how sorry I am for causing him pain… see how sorry I am for being so blind.

I must make him understand how I feel for him, what I want for us now. Finally.

I begin to close the distance between us; my feet carry me toward him as if I'm drawn to him by a magnet. As I reach my destination and stand here beside him, his presence consumes me, calming me. I already feel the burden of his absence begin to lift. I am home. Jasper is my home.

"Jasper."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading!<strong> **The next chapter will pick up the morning after their reunion. Even though ch.2 ended up almost as long as ch.1, the rest of the chapters will probably be shorter. I plan on posting every week or two. **


	3. Never Gonna Be Alone

**Heart felt thanks go to my amazing beta harritwifan!**

**The song for this chapter is **_**Never Gonna Be Alone**_** by **_**Nickelback.**_

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts, so please do not read it if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18! Duh…**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 3 – Never Gonna Be Alone<strong>

**Jpov**

No. Don't wanna wake up. Not gonna. I refuse.

I feel too warm. Safe and content. Such unfamiliar feelings surround me from the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, throughout my body, within my beating heart.

_Mmmmmnnnnn… _Memories of last night's events filter into my sleep laden mind. Edward… is here… in my arms. Will I confirm my senses, if I dare open my eyes?

I barely peek through one eyelid… then two. The first thing I see is his sexy tousled copper hair framing his beautiful sleeping face. Next, I take in a contented expression that slightly turns up his delicious lips, still swollen from our many passionate kisses of just a few short hours ago. He lays beside me in the crook of my arm, holding me to him, his leg across both of mine.

I try to enjoy this moment. Edward came back… to me. For me. I try not to let questions and insecurities creep back in. I try not to worry that the slumbering smile that currently graces his face will morph into regret when he awakens and realizes what we did; when he remembers what I did to him, that I fucked him senseless. _And it felt so damned good._

I remind myself that he came to me – he asked me. And we not only fucked, but we made intense love, committing ourselves to one another. He wants me as I do him. I know this to be true. I must hold onto this knowledge – must remember what I was so certain of as we drifted off to sleep, mere hours ago. Together.

I quickly push such musings to the back of my mind and instead concentrate on the delicious ache growing in my groin; my usual morning semi is quickly becoming a rigid, raging hard-on as I fully appreciate his gorgeous sleeping form. Having finally experienced him last night has only left me craving more. I barely swallow a moan at the thought of the many things I may now do with him, to him. All of which I've imagined so many times before, but now they hold new meaning as they are actually possible.

Endless possibilities…

_Mmmmnnnn…_ I'll take him from behind, roughly claiming his ass as mine once more. _Fuck, yes… _with that image I reach down and squeeze my increasingly aching cock.

I'll help him to ride me while slowly and gently making sweet love to him. _Baby, need you…_ I begin fisting my erection, slightly thrusting into the needed friction.

And I can't wait to experience the amazing thing that is his mouth – wrapped around my cock, finally. _Please, baby… _I'm going to cum if I don't stop this line of thought. But I am reminded of finally sucking and tasting his cock just last night. And I can't wait to do it again, but completely this time, until he comes down my throat.

"Ungfff…"_ Shit, shit, shit! _

Edward stirs in my arms, my audible groan having drawn him from his slumber. He snuggles in closer, grazing my leg with hardened evidence of requited lust. His gorgeous eyes flutter open revealing endless green as his smile spreads to encompass all of his beautiful features, brightening his face further.

"Hey," he whispers, raising a hand to caress my cheek.

"Hey," I whisper back, shifting so that we are both on our sides, facing each other. I reach up to run fingers through his hair. It always looks as though he has just been fucked or has just done some intense fucking. I smile at the thought that - this morning, I can take credit for that.

"Mmmmnnnn… what a way to wake up", he sighs, quirking an eyebrow as he pulls me to him for a languid kiss, reacquainting his mouth and tongue with mine. And there it is again. That feeling of coming home, of being complete – that everything is right in the universe.

We finally pull our mouths from each other, breathless. Relief washes over me for the remorse that my boy is obviously _not_ feeling. I rest my forehead against his and ask, "Did you sleep okay, baby?"

He gives me his fuck-hot, crooked grin. "Fuck, Jas, I love the way you call me baby. It's so… intimate." His cheeks tinge pink as he suddenly becomes shy. Continuing in barely a whisper, "I slept _like_ a baby, in your arms."

"Well, we are intimate now… so very intimate. Aren't we?" I mischievously wink, deepening his pink cheeks to almost full blown scarlet.

"Indeed we are, love," he answers, offering his own endearment for me, and damn I _love_ how he calls me _love_. The few times he'd uttered it during our lovemaking had almost pushed me over the edge, climaxing just at his words. And the warmth that just that one word spreads throughout my heart…

"And how are you feeling this morning, _baby_? I hope you're not too sore?" We both grin as I accentuate the endearment while his blush deepens again at my question.

He burrows his face into my neck as he answers, gently rubbing up and down my arm. "I'm a little sore, I guess. But in a good way."

He pulls back enough to look at me and begins to gently stroke my face as he continues, "Last night was amazing, Jasper. I never knew it could be like that. You made me feel things that I didn't even know were possible."

His eyes drop as he suddenly seems timid. I watch with amazement and wonder as his thick eyelashes flutter. He's so fucking beautiful and finally here in my arms. But why the sudden change in demeanor?

"Edward, sweetheart… look at me?" I lift his chin until his gaze meets mine once more. "What is it?"

"Just… um… I guess I was just wondering… well, what I mean is… is it always like that for you? You know… with other men?" he nervously inquires as his scarlet returns. He is just so damned cute!

I lean in to softly caress his lips with mine, trying to show him just how special he is. Clearing my throat, I try to find the words to make him understand. "No, Edward. It's not always like that… like _this_. In fact, it has never been like this for me with anyone else. Making love to you was the best experience of my life. And being here with you, like this, is the happiest I've ever been. You are special to me. You have to know that…"

Swiftly, his mouth seeks mine with brutal urgency, our tongues attempting to explain what mere words fail to define. Our legs become entwined as we grind together, bare cocks meeting, groans mingling, hands grasping, as we promptly approach the brink of oblivion. "I just can't get enough of you, baby… won't ever be able to get enough…" I mumble into his hot mouth as our tongues fuck.

Gasping for air, Edward pulls his mouth from mine, leaning his forehead to mine. He grasps my body to his, stilling our movements, yet keeping us so close and tight to one another.

"Fuck, Jasper. The things you do to me… you're gonna make me come already, love. But not yet. Okay? Just let me look at you..."

He studies my features, tracing them with his eyes and then fingers. "You are so, so beautiful," he whispers as his thumb brushes across my bottom lip, sending tingles through my mouth, straight to my cock. My eyelids flutter shut in anticipation of his lips joining his heated gaze, but I instead feel his thumb lightly trace a path up to beneath my eyes, gently rubbing back and forth there. I open them to find his features marred with concern. Understanding dawns as I remember the dark circles that have taken up permanent residence there these past months.

"I'll never forgive myself for causing your eyes to look so tired and sad," he whispers, before lowering warm lips to pepper soothing, light kisses on the offending area.

"No longer sad, Edward. You've made me the happiest man alive," I manage to mutter under his hypnotizing ministrations. "There is nothing to forgive, baby. You did nothing wrong. I'm just so glad your time away brought you back to me…"

He pulls back, shaking his head, "Shhhhh, love. No… never again will I be the source of sorrow or regret for you. Never. I'm so sorry for being far away. I won't leave you, again."

"Edward, baby… I forgive you. I love you. I have loved you all along." He must understand beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love him and forgive his initial reaction to that love. _But he can't return the intensity of my feelings, yet…_

"I love you, too, Jasper. So much. When I decided to face up to your feelings for me and my returned feelings for you, my life irrevocably changed. Forever, Jas. You are my life now."

_Or can he? _

_Yes. Yes, he can._ And apparently he does.

Then his lips resume feathering kisses on my eyelids and below, but quickly expand their attention to my forehead, then each temple. I bask in his affections, feeling the wounds from years of longing and recent months of loss heal on the spot. He is the antidote to the poison of his absence.

He continues kissing across my cheek, down the line of my jaw to my chin. His lips leave a heated trail down the front of my neck and across to my shoulder as he gently caresses my hip with his long fingers. He pushes himself up on his elbow kissing around my shoulder, pulling me forward a bit to gain access to where my upper back meets the back of my shoulder, finally stalling to lay open mouthed kisses on the black and gray shadowed ink that resides there.

"Mmmnnnn… your guardian angel. Your grandmother..." he murmurs.

"Mmm-hmnn," I smile, remembering my sweet grandmother of whom inspired my first tattoo.

His mouth then travels down to my bicep, lingering there before he withdraws to lightly trace with his thumb the black inked chain that circles there, almost completely surrounding my upper arm except for where two of the links are broken, appearing to have been pulled apart.

"And this one is for your freedom." He states as he continues to stroke it lovingly, having heard the story behind it a few times.

"Yes," I proudly confirm, always feeling pride when I think of what the broken chain signifies. I'd gotten it in my early twenties shortly after coming out, finally having broken free of the chains of my closeted life.

I realize where this is going. Edward is working up to inquiring about my newest ink of which he wouldn't have seen before last night. The mark of him, permanently etched on my chest just above my beating heart. The heart that will always be his.

His fingers and gaze whisper across my flesh, leaving warmth in their wake, settling on the most recent tattoo. "You got another while I was away? I was a little too preoccupied last night to ask about it…" he grins as he explores it with his fingers, his curiosity evident in his eyes as they glance back and forth between mine and the tattoo. He waits for my explanation.

My hand blankets his over the tattoo of a small black key with green accents, of which appears to dangle on a chain. I lean in to kiss his sweet lips as I try to think of how to explain.

Finally I pull away from the safety and warmth of his mouth, again greeted by his inquiring eyes.

Here goes… "After you left, I thought I'd lost you forever. All of you. Not just the man I'd been secretly been in love with, but also my best friend. I was devastated."

He flinches at my words, guilt marring his beautiful features. I immediately try to reassure him with a gentle, chaste kiss before continuing.

"I knew I had to move on and get over you, but I also knew I'd never feel for anyone as I did for you. You held the key to my heart, baby, whether you wanted it or not. And even if you'd never returned my feelings, you would have been _it_ for me. I just figured I'd tuck you away in my heart, and try to live my life without you, but I'd always have you near me, inside. Am I making any sense?" I sigh, slightly shaking my head, feeling like I'm just rambling. But Edward pulls me closer. Calming me with his presence and the adoring look on his face, silently giving me the time to continue.

"So, I had this key… the key to my heart that would always belong to you… etched near my heart… the heart that would always only truly be yours. Even though, at the time, I never imagined I'd get to be close to you again, and most certainly not like this, I wanted a symbol of you to always keep you near. To always remind me of the amazing man I'd been so lucky to have in my life."

A smile lights his face. He sighs and cups my face in his gentle hands. "Thank you, Jasper. Thank you for giving me your heart, even when I didn't know it was mine, and then, especially, when I ran from it like I did." Leaning down, he places light kisses on the inked key and then pulls me into his arms, before continuing. "How did I not see? I just feel like I wasted so much time, blind, not seeing that what I truly needed and longed for was right here in front of me the whole fucking time. I felt so damned alone… but I think deep down inside I knew it was you… that I was supposed to be with you. I only felt right when we were together; I just didn't know it could be like this."

I reach up and take his hand in mine, holding them, entwined to my chest between us. "You can't look at it that way. No time was wasted. Every moment spent is what brought us here to this moment. And I wouldn't change this moment for anything…"

Too late, I realize I've lost control of my emotions, as a tear escapes to roll down my cheek. Finally having my heart's desire realized, finally having my love here with me, finally being able to tell him how very much he means, and him, finally, returning my love – has me overwhelmed.

He kisses away my tear, then whispers, "I wouldn't change this moment for anything, either. I'm here now, sweetheart. You'll never be alone again. I won't miss another day."

I nod against him as he nuzzles along my jaw, tracing wet, open mouth kisses to behind my ear. Once again, we switch to physically defining this thing between us, our words spent for now.

He continues his sensuous path to the crook of my neck, causing me to groan and grind against him.

"Mmmnnn… what have we here?" he teasingly questions as he gently sucks my neck, sending visible shivers throughout my body. "Did I just find Jas's love spot?"

I grasp him to me, searching for friction for my throbbing erection as I groan, "Unghh… my what spot?"

He chuckles, causing his heated breath to mingle with the wet warmth of his mouth. "Your love spot… the spot that sends shivers straight to your dick…" he answers before lightly licking there, meeting my thrusting hips with his own.

"Fuck yeah, baby… then that's my love spot, all right. And speaking of my dick… fucking touch me already, Edward. Please?"

And then he proceeds to completely blow my mind as he reaches between us and grasps our thrusting cocks together. "You mean like this? Touch you like this?" he questions, breathlessly.

"Oh shit, baby. Yeah. Just like that… fuck, feels so good."

We pull far enough away from each other to rest our heads together, both of us looking down at our joined erections. So fucking erotic we look and feel, our cocks rubbing together in my boy's tight grip. I grasp onto his shoulder as we fuck his fist, now desperately chasing our mutual release. I begin to loose control quickly, having been hard and wanting since waking. The delicious burn too quickly spreads from my balls throughout my entire body.

"Fuck, Edward. I'm so close, already. You're cock… ungh… feels… fuck… cumming, baby!"

Unable to hold off, thrusting into my lover's fist, I yell his name on a moan, as the white, hot cum rips from my pulsing cock, painting our stomachs and further lubricating his fist. He continues to pump us both. As I come down from my orgasm, he begins his.

With one final thrust against me, he rigidly stills his body while frantically jacking our cocks with his wet fist. "Fuck, Jas. Ohhhh… fuck…. I'm… cumming! Soooo… good!" Cum erupts from him, mixing with mine as he yells.

Then, something happens that I've never experienced before. The visual of him so wantonly eliciting his climax mixed with the overwhelming sensation of him still fisting my ultra-sensitive cock against his causes my barely burnt out orgasm to reignite. The burn returns with a vengeance as I am paralyzed by additional spurts of my own ejaculate joining his. Time stands still as the white heat consumes me, blazing through my mind and body.

Finally, we collapse against one another, heaving for breaths. As I begin to return to my senses, I wonder… w_hat the fuck just happened?_ I've either just experienced the world's longest orgasm and/or the two closest orgasms in history. But who am I to question it? _Fuck_, it felt amazing. And I tell Edward exactly that.

"Fuck, Edward. That was amazing. You… are amazing."

He chuckles while caressing his fingers through the semen on our stomachs. "As are you, my love," he whispers reverently. My heart swells and my cock already starts to harden again at the erotic intimacy of his feather touch lubricated with our mixed fluids. Cocking an eyebrow, he holds up his sticky fingers and nods towards the mess that is us. "Shower?" he suggests, with a mischievous grin.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading! I'd loved to hear what you think… <strong>


	4. Best Fucking Shower Ever

**Thank you so much _harritwifan_ for being the best beta a girl could hope, wish, dream, or pray for! I cherish your support and friendship! You know what part of this chapter is dedicated to you…**

**As always, Nickelback's _Far Away_ is the song for this story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts, this chapter especially, so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18! **

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 4 – Best Fucking Shower Ever<strong>

**Jpov**

Head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut, the hot water washes over me, from crown to feet, as I experience the best fucking shower of my entire life. Soon my hair and face will be free of suds so that I may open my eyes to take in the erotic scene before me – the gorgeous sight of my boy, in my shower, with me.

The moment is surreal, to say the least. I savor the anticipation that hums through me. Naked Edward… wet Edward… glistening Edward. My cock hardens with awareness of his presence and the promise of what is yet to come.

Nevertheless, I am unprepared as my eyelids flutter open as I wipe the last drops of water from my eyes. He stands under the adjacent shower head, arms stretched up and bent behind his head. The water cascades down his toned body as it starts at his graceful neck, runs along his firm chest and taut stomach, then parts around the obstacle that is his cock. Fully aroused, his long length points out and up, directly at me – beckoning to me. The water then trickles through his short auburn pubes, down his muscled legs to his large beautiful feet. Yes, my boy even has beautiful feet.

He is as glorious a sight as ever as my eyes slowly travel back up his body, appreciating each attribute, attempting to memorize each delicious detail. When I finally reach his flushed face, I find his gaze drinking my body in as mine did his. Pink tongue peeking out between pearly whites – and his eyes… his fervent eyes just might do me in. They are dark. They are wanting. They are thirsty. For me.

My cock hardens and lengthens further, pointing straight out as it does, drawing his full attention. And he moans, deep and needy. If looks could fuck he'd have me pinned against the tiled wall. If looks could suck, he'd be on his knees with me buried in his hot moist mouth.

"Whatchya lookin' at darlin'," I drawl, knowing damned well what he's looking at. He knows I know. I know he knows I know.

He chuckles yet does not meet my glare, keeping his own on my now throbbing erection. His tongue slowly swipes across his bottom lip before answering. "You're dick, love. It's so… so exceedingly… sexy." Finally, he drags his eyes up my body to match my hungry gaze, eliciting shivers in their wake. "And if you call me_ darlin'_ again… we _will_ have another go. Right here. Right now."

His intense stare challenges me to say the word. As if I wouldn't.

"Is that a promise… _darlin_'?

"Fuck, Jasper…" I hear him growl just before he has me pinned against the tile, leg between mine, cock grinding mine, hand on either side of my head on the wall as his kiss devours every recess of my yielding mouth. My knees are weak as I moan into his mouth, his tongue fucking mine. Never have I experienced such need and lust just from another's mouth against my own. Seizing my mouth. Owning my mouth. Captivating my soul.

But too quickly his assaulting lips move to suck and bite across my face to the crook of my neck, where he marks me with sweet painful suction. My hands find his ass, squeezing, pulling, bringing him impossibly closer as I thrust against him. He continues sucking as we grind our slick cocks together, my moans escalating by the second.

"God damn… Edward. Fucking feels so good. Don't stop… don't ever stop…"

"Mmnnn… but I need to taste your tongue, love," he mutters before dragging his lips across my cheek in search of my mouth once more; he claims it with his as he grips my cock within his wet hand. His tongue delves into my mouth deep and languid, mirroring the stroking of his hand, and I shudder against his body; I shudder into his mouth as my tongue accepts each thrust of his, returns each stroke, matches each caress.

But then his mouth is on the move again, licking down my jaw before he rests his forehead on my shoulder. With one hand still palm flat to the wall, he watches what the other is doing with my cock. We both moan at the intimacy of the moment, his moment of still learning what another man's cock feels like in his hand, looks like beneath his touch. What _my_ cock feels and looks like. I try to keep myself silent as to not break this intoxicating spell. I try to remain still, but am unable to control the slight tremor of my body or the slight thrust of my hips into his glorious hand.

"Oh, fuck, Jasper… you feel so good in my hand… you feel so _fucking_ good in my hand… look so hot in my hand…"

He seems to almost begin to move down my body but hesitates. I barely hear what he says next over the sound of the water hitting the tile. His strokes slow to a gentle touch as he practically whispers, "Can't wait till I know what you feel like in my mouth… what you taste like…but… I've never…"

I move my hand into his hair, gently messaging his scalp, lifting his head so that I may gaze into his eyes. I am met with a conflicted expression of passion and love, insecurity and doubt. And I am reminded that my boy is a virgin in all relations with men, until last night that is. I am his first. He is my sweet virgin boy. My heart swells at the thought that he is completely mine. And he has realized his desire for another man because of me. Only me.

I gently, so softly, brush my lips against his, slowing things down, trying to show him that we have plenty of time to explore all of these new things.

"How I want that, too, baby. But for now… let me taste you again. I didn't get my fill last night, and I need your cock in mouth again so badly…"

"Yes, Jasper… yes...please…" he nods, needy and pleading.

I brush my lips across his cheek as I remove his hand from my cock with a whimper… placing it back on the shower wall. Slowly, I kiss and lick my way down to one of his nipples, then suckle it into my mouth, relishing the feel of it hardening beneath my tongue. I grasp his hip with one hand, while the other curls along his rib cage, so that I can brush his other nipple with my thumb.

"Ungff…" he moans, dropping his head against the top of mine. "Feels so good, Jas. Everything you do feels so fucking good, love…"

I wordlessly answer with a moan of my own as I suck harder and graze the tender flesh with my teeth. Edward throws his head back, letting out a surprised guttural cry, leaving me to assume that this is yet another first for my sweet, virginal lover.

I whisper against his pebbled flesh, "You like that, baby," before barely flicking it with the tip of my tongue. "Anybody ever touched your nipples this way before, darlin'?" I firmly drag the top of my tongue across the blushing nipple.

"N-n-no, fuck… yes… Jasper. N-n-n-nobody has… y-y-yes, I fucking love it… so, so good" he stutters, grinding his rock hard cock into my abdomen, pulling me from my distraction, reminding of my destination. His cock… in my mouth…

I force myself to resume my descent. Edward's disappointed whimper quickly becomes an approving groan once he realizes where I'm headed. I kiss down his stomach, lick along the delectable trail of hair that leads me to where I need so desperately to be, while gently caressing my hands down his sides to grip his hips. Bypassing his leaking erection, I lay open mouthed kisses along the area where his pubes meet his upper thigh, savoring the feel of such contrasting textures beneath my lips until finally, I reach his balls, hanging low and heavy before me. The scent of pure, virile male overcomes my senses, making me dizzy as I breath him in and begin licking around each testicle. His hands still grip the wall as he moans, groans, and impatiently thrusts his yearning dick into the air above me, desperate for friction, frantic for contact of any sort.

He begins to ramble his needs to me, begging me to sooth away his sweet pain. "Jas, fuck, love… please, please, please… oh fuck please… need your mouth… shit… please, Jas…need you… aching, love… Jas … need you…now…please, Jasper… fuck, please…"

The fulfillment of this moment is not lost in my lust-filled mind. My Edward begs for me. He needs me, wants me, pleads with me… for me. It is my mouth that will bring him the relief he so desperately requires.

"Patience, baby… I have you… gonna make it all better… gonna make you feel so good…" I mutter between licks underneath his sac as it gradually firms before my eyes; I can actually feel his balls tighten beneath my tongue. I lean back to eye the pre-cum that seeps from the engorged rosy head of his beautiful cock. I will never get over how beautiful his length truly is, especially so swollen and blushing with his pearly seed trickling down the side. Saliva pools in my mouth in anticipation of the taste of him. I swallow it down before inching forward, tongue extended. Starting at the base I languorously lick up his cock – a low, throaty moan escapes me as his juices meet my tongue. I look up, met by smoldering green that stops my breath as the desire and pleasure between us runs so deep, incessant; where his begins and mine ends, I do not know.

I must look away, must close my eyes as I swallow the liquid that has gathered on my tongue, as I revel in my boy's taste, of which I've longed for so fucking long. So long that I will never get enough, never fucking enough…

He shudders, whimpers, writhes as my tongue brushes across his sensitive head, my lips surrounding to suckle the sweet liquid from its source. I suck and swirl my tongue around the outer rim before dipping into the slit, eliciting a sweet mewling sound from deep within his chest.

His arms are rigidly extended, bracing himself away from the wall, his head hung low as he watches me though hooded, lust filled eyes. I kneel here, back to the wall between it and Edward's glistening body, the spray barely hitting us, yet enough to keep us warm and slightly wet. My yielding mouth begins its dance, bobbing up and down on his shaft, as I reach one hand down to stroke my own painfully engorged erection. I grip his hip with my other and encourage him to thrust into my mouth, down my throat, as deep as he can go. Barely holding off a gag, I take him all, all that he has to give, and give it to me he does. I still all movement except for the suction of my mouth and tongue and slight squeeze of my hand on my dick as he thrusts into me, fucks my mouth, chanting with each plunge, "Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck."

Giving my cock one last tug before reluctantly releasing it, I gently caress up the inside of his leg, continuing to take his thrusts, moaning around his incredible dick as it plunges in, then out, in, then out. Finally my hand is met with the bottom of his balls now pulled up solid and tight to his body; I immediately reach back and between his legs, between the cheeks of his perfect ass to barely, just barely brush against his slick hole. With one final "Oh, fuck… Jaasssss…," he plunges into my wide open mouth as his engorged cock pulses, shooting stream after stream of cum down my throat; I swallow repeatedly to take it all in. He finally stills, panting and gasping for breath while I lightly suck and lick his softening dick as he comes down from his orgasm.

Leaning back against the wall, I grin up at my boy who is still panting, looking down at me with such a look of awe on his sweet face – it takes my breath away that I am the one that put it there.

"Jesus, Jasper… that was… that was... fuck… incredible. Everything… incredible." He attempts to lift me to him, but I resist the urge to crawl up into his embrace. I have a hankering to explore that sensitive, needy ass of his further, giving him yet another first that he'll never forget.

"Uh-uh, baby. I'm not done down here, yet." I can see the suspicion and curiosity in his eyes as to what I could possibly have planned. I keep his gaze as I kiss along his stomach to his hip. He continues to look down at me quizzically, yet with a look of complete delight, as I move my body around him, squatting behind him, his glorious creamy ass positioned perfectly at eye-level. I can not resist taking his round cheeks in my hands, gently squeezing them, pulling them apart to finally get a good look at his most secret spot.

"Trust me, baby."

"Always…" He answers, lust already seeping back into his voice as I kiss and suck at the upper cheek of his ass.

But first I must get him positioned for what I have planned, so I gently guide my boy along the wall to the large bench seat in the corner of the shower that I had designed specifically to comfortably fit two. I keep him facing away from me, leaning forward against the wall, as I bend one of his legs up so that he is resting his knee on the bench, the other leg still standing on the floor.

"You okay, baby? Are you comfortable?"

"Yes…" he pants, so obviously excited and quickly becoming worked up again. I reach between his legs to message his balls and can't help but groan as I reach up to find that my boy's cock is already semi-erect. Finding my Edward to be so responsive warms my heart almost to the extent that it quickens the ache of my cock.

I lean in to lap at his sated balls as they once again hang low and soft, starting at the bottom and licking my way up the back of them to the soft sensitive skin nestled between them and his hole. He begins to moan as I suckle there, all the while massaging his cheeks. I then firmly part them so that I can lick almost up to his quivering entrance. I barely contain my need to taste him there before ensuring his consent.

"Fuck, baby… you're so fucking beautiful… open for me like this. You have such a sweet hole… I'm going to kiss you, there… baby, okay? Please?" I practically beg of him as I continue to spread him for me, his entrance beckoning to me.

He reaches one hand back to rub his fingers against my scalp and gently tug my hair, as he looks down at me. If possible, his eyes are a darker green than I've ever seen them, sparkling with desire. He nods to me, whispering "Yes, Jasper… please… need your mouth there… your kiss… never there before… please…"

_Fuck, yes… _he wants this, needs this as much as I do, so I do exactly what I have asked… I kiss his hole, gently placing slightly open lips to his heat, barely brushing my tongue along the wrinkled flesh.

"Uuungghhhh…" His first moan echoes off the shower walls, loud and deep, sending shock waves to my neglected, throbbing erection. If I don't concentrate on not shooting my load, this boy is going to make me do just that… just from pleasuring him. Thank fuck he already jacked me off, jacked us off in my bed, or I'd have already cum all over the fucking shower floor.

I continue to take care of him as my tongue now laps at his entrance, one long lick after another, then around the outer edge… long languid licks, around and around, all the while continuing to massage the cheeks of his ass, pulling them open, exposing him to me. I savor this exquisite most intimate act… every taste of his essence, every feel of his secret flesh trembling beneath my tongue, every caress of his parted cheeks as my face brushes between them, every whiff of his musky scent.

His moans escalate as his hole loosens under my ministrations, and I grasp his thighs, beginning to push my tongue inside. He pushes back against my mouth, arching his back to grant me deeper access, and begins mumbling under his breath between whimpers. I can barely make out words here and there, but the desperation in his voice coupled with his hand now stoking himself breaks down the last of my self control. I become practically ravenous, fucking him with my tongue. His ramblings become louder, "Yes… fuck… ungf… so good… I didn't know… fuck, I didn't know … please, love. Please, more Jas… fuck, yes… deeper…"

_Fuck_, who'd have known my Edward would be such a needy bottom. How my cock craves his hole, to be buried in his tight heat again, jutting out from my body, leaking and engorged to the point of pain. What is he doing to me? I need to come so fucking badly, want to come from his ass's embrace, but he can't be ready to be penetrated again, can he? Last night was his first time. What is he asking of me?

I pull away from his sweet hole, panting. "Fuck. Edward… what are doing to me, baby? What are you asking? What do you want?"

"You, Jas. I want you… need you, love. It feels so good. You make me feel so good. Please… I need to feel you inside. Need you inside me, again…"

I am overcome with the lust that has surrounded me, consumed me, during these past long minutes of pleasuring my boy. Constantly kept at bay and denied. My body and heart win out over what my mind tells me is too soon to do. We both need this again, already – to couple, to be one.

But first I must prepare him, and just the thought of my fingers, let alone my dick, buried in his sweet embrace has me moaning. "Fuck, Edward… baby. Need you so badly… but only if you're sure… you want me to make love to you like this… right here… right now?"

"Yes… Jasper. Please. Need you…"

I give his hole one last lick, kiss the cheek of his ass and then stand, savoring the ache in my legs from crouching below him for so long. Rubbing up Edward's spine, I kiss along his shoulder to his ear as my erection rubs against his ass. I sharply breathe in at the contact. "Stay just like this, _darlin',_" I tell him, before fetching a condom and lube from the bathroom vanity. He does exactly as I ask, and looks so beautiful for it, bent forward and waiting for me, his forehead leaning against the wall as he takes deep breaths.

I stand behind him off to the side slightly as I liberally pour lube on my fingers and rub it between his cheeks, working it just barely in his hole. Stroking his cock with the other hand, I slowly slip one finger inside him. The feel of his tight ass around my finger is enough to make me come undone. How will I hold off for more than mere seconds when it is my cock that is embraced within his body?

As my last knuckle reaches his ass, my finger as deep as it will go, I still my hand until he seems ready for movement. But my boy never stops amazing me as he immediately begs me to continue.

"Fuck, Jas… so good. Please, more. I need more…"

In and out I slowly but firmly pump my finger, finally curling it to find his gland. Throwing his head back, he grunts his pleasure and surprise, "Uhh… fuck, Jas… I didn't know… fuck, didn't know…"

I can't subdue my chuckle as I momentarily still this intricate internal message. He whimpers, nuzzling his head against into my neck as I tease, "Dr. Cullen, you didn't know about the wonders of the prostate?"

Biting my neck, eliciting a surprised yelp from me, he pouts with a grin, "Yes, I fucking knew… or had heard… fuck! I didn't know it would feel so… would feel so…"

"Exquisite…? I know, baby. It's exquisite… and just wait till it's my dick massaging you there instead of just my finger… but I showed you the wonders of that last night, didn't I?"

"Fuck yeah, you did. And I can't wait till you do it again."

We fall silent, staring into each other's eyes, as I stand here behind him, with my finger still buried deep inside of him. But it is not awkward – not in the least. It is just _right_. Just so fucking right as our lips now barely touch, soft and sweet at first before our tongues become involved and the moaning resumes. I curl my embedded finger once more, stroking him right where I know he needs it, sending him jerking and moaning into my mouth, desperately grasping one hand around my neck, the other still attempting to hold onto the wall, as he's twisted in my arms, holding on for dear life.

And his cock… _fuck_… his gorgeous, erect, already seeping again cock – it twitches and pulses, directly responding to the stroking of his internal gland, beckoning for me to stroke it, too. But I fear if I let go of my boy he will collapse to the floor, so I straighten my finger, relenting my delicious assault, giving him the chance to get his bearings. But not for long. I must move this along, finish stretching him for me, before my cock that has been grinding his thigh erupts all over us, instead of in a condom deep within his ass.

Tenderly, I work a second finger inside, pumping into him, then scissoring to stretch him. Before I can try a third, he is moaning and begging, whimpering and pleading, for me…for my cock… inside. I can't take it any longer, I must give us what we both so desperately need – again, forever. I quickly sheath my length with the condom and liberally rub lube on myself and around his entrance.

Leaning over him, I hold him to me, skin to skin, his back to my chest. My hands roam his abs and pecs, skim across his pebbled nipples as I kiss his neck and upper back. I take pleasure in this moment before our union like I never have with anyone before him. Because until now… until him, sex was always just a means to an end, just a way to get off, an attempt to satisfy my physical needs. But with Edward it is oh-so much more. With every touch I make love to him, attempt to express how deeply my feelings for him truly run…

The round cheeks of his ass cradle my ready cock as it barely grinds there. As good as his cheeks feel, I look forward to their gentle embrace becoming the hot tight hug of his hole, of his body as he draws me inside. I will be buried within, touching him from the inside out. A low groan escapes my soul, breaking the otherwise near silence of our moment.

Turning his head, he searches my face, understanding shines in his green depths. He buries one hand in my hair, pulling me into a searing kiss, as the head of my length finds his entrance. I grasp his hips as I slowly push my way in until my thighs meet his ass, whimpering his name as his velvety grip devours me.

Moving one hand up his back to grasp his shoulder, I whisper my affections into the soft skin between his shoulder blades. "Edward, baby… you feel so good. Ungff… you're so tight, fuck… never get enough of you… of your ass…"

He's bent before me, around me, still leaning against the shower wall, one knee resting on the bench as my body is nestled against his ass and thighs, as my cock is nestled deep inside his yielding warmth.

"You're so beautiful, Edward. So fucking hot, baby… bent before me like this." I pull out then push back in, slowly but not slowly enough, and I fear not gently enough for his tender hole, yet I can't resist to deliberately thrust into him, possess him, claim him. I pronounce with each thrust, "Only… for… me… Edward… only… mine… baby…"

He meets my every thrust by arching his back and pushing back into me as he groans his agreement. "Yes, Jas… yours… only yours… show me… yours…"

His words draw my climax near, but I slow to a languid grind as I beg my boy, "Stroke yourself now… baby, now… please! Fuck, Edward… I'll show you, baby… but please … so close…" Curling around him, I hold him to me so that he can reach one hand down to take his cock in hand. With long precise strokes, I brush my cock along his insides, making sure I'm angled just right to hit his sweet spot. His moans and groans confirm that my aim is just right.

"Oh, shit… yes… fuck, Jas… yes. Just like that… just right there… gonna make me cum, love…"

But I beat him to it. My dick pulses inside him, filling the condom with stream after stream of my cum. I begin to lose my balance, slightly pitching us forward, holding hold on to my boy, causing him to release his dick to brace us from the wall with both hands. Panting and gasping, I return to my senses, immediately realizing that I climaxed without him; he is still hard and aching for release. Once my softening cock slips from inside him, I sit on the bench beside my whimpering love as he resumes pumping his cock, his eyes squeezed shut as his release nears once more.

I watch in awe, as his mouth forms a perfect O, his eyes fluttering open to return my gaze.

Thrusting into his fist he watches me watch him, watches as I never break eye contact, yet grab his hand from his cock so that I can take him into my mouth. And that's all it takes. He gasps and moans as his cum fills my mouth, coats my tongue as I milk him with my hand, letting him shoot his load into my open, awaiting mouth. And I drink what he gives, swallow him down, another vast load, licking my lips for the second time since this best shower of my entire fucking life began. The first of many if I have my way.

Such an expression of bliss and contentment alights his adoring face as he collapses in my lap with a sigh. Grinning, he wipes some escaped cum from my chin, but his mirth quickly disappears as I grab his wrist and begin to lick his fingers clean, not wanting to miss a drop of _him_. He licks his lips and watches with darkened eyes, so turned on and, I think, yearning to taste for himself.

"You want a taste, baby?" I breathlessly ask. _How can he have me hardening again, already?_

He nods as his already flushed cheeks turn a beautiful crimson, yet he can't tear his eyes from my tongue lapping at his fingers. After all that we've done, that I've done to him, he reminds me yet again of his inexperience, of all the intimate acts that I'll have the privilege of introducing him to, that I'll be so fucking fortunate to experience with him, new again to me through his eyes.

I lift his hand to gently rub his fingers along his lower lip, barely coating it with the little bit of his cum that I didn't devour. Swallowing his moans, I cover his mouth with mine, licking at his lips, then at his tongue as I share his taste with him, remnants of his load still clinging to my tongue and every recess of my mouth. We languidly kiss like this, with him in my arms, clinging to each other for long minutes, until finally I pull away to suggest that we dry off and get something to eat. I know we'll need nourishment to continue our catching up that apparently is not yet complete, the learning and discovering of each other that never will be. For I'll never be finished learning my boy and his responsive ways.

The water is beginning to cool down as we step out of the shower. Not bad, considering how long we were in there… touching, loving, fucking. Just the reason I had a large hot water tank installed. I like to take my time in the shower with my lovers, not that my shower has seen any action these past dark months. But I smile at the thought that now it will only be Edward whom I take time in the shower with… make love in the shower with, or anywhere else. Something I've never done in the shower or anywhere before last night and today. Made love... Edward is my first in that respect. It is not only Edward who is experiencing new things as we begin our lives together.

"What?" he asks, pulling me to him and wrapping me in the plush towel he'd retrieved while I was lost in my musing. "What's this…" he kisses me on my grinning lips "… beautiful smile for?"

I feel myself blush… _I don't fucking blush!_ Well, I didn't fucking blush, but now _this_ boy… _my_ boy makes me blush. My blush deepens and my smile widens at yet another revelation. "For you, baby… just you."

* * *

><p><strong>I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read, alerted, favorited, and reviewed. Knowing that people are reading and enjoying my story motivates and inspires me to keep writing! I'd love to hear what you think, so please leave me a review if you have the time. ;-) <strong>

**I've met so many sweet people through writing and posting this story! That being said - a special thanks goes out to _bellemeer_ for your encouragement and advice. **

**If you aren't reading her story _There's a crack in everything_, let me tell you… you are really missing out – so go as fast as you can, find her story, and start reading. Believe me, you won't want to stop once you start. **

**That goes for her collaboration with _cocoalvin_, too. They go by _We're JazzEd_ and their story _Bad Timing_ is so sweet and amazing! **

**I find it hard to believe you aren't already reading these stories if you're here reading mine, but if not – give them a read. You won't regret it! **

_**There's a crack in everything-**_

**www (dot)fanfiction (dot) net/s/6685076/1/Theres_a_crack_in_everything**

_**Bad Timing-**_

**www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6908811/1/Bad_Timing**


	5. Somebody

**Thank you harritwifan for being my amazing beta! You are so special!**

**Parts of this chapter were inspired by _Gotta Be Somebody_ by _Nickelback_. And as always, _Far Away_.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

><p>Tonight,<p>

out on the street out in the moonlight,

and dammit this feels too right,

it's just like déjà vu,

me standing here with you.

So I'll be holding my breath…

Could this be the end?

Is it that moment when

I find the one that I'll spend forever with?

Cuz nobody wants to be the last one there,

and everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

Someone to love with my life in their hands,

there's gotta be somebody for me like that.

Oh…

Nobody wants to go it on their on their own,

and everyone wants to know their not alone.

Somebody else that feels the same somewhere,

There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

**Ch. 5 – Somebody**

**Jpov**

Naturally, like it has always been, Edward and I snuggle into one another on my end of the couch -apparently now _our_ end of the couch. He has always sat down _there_ on the other end, while I would sit up _here,_ trying not to look at him with my obvious lust, keeping a safe distance, constantly fighting every urge to touch him. But separated no more, my boy now burrows into my side, within my arms, nuzzling his scruff against my neck.

"Mmmnnn… baby, I do love you unshaven like this. Have I ever told you that?"

"Mmmm–mmmm…" he shakes his head, nestling into my neck further.

"You mean to tell me that all those years I was trying to _not _notice your every amazing detail… I never once slipped up and told you how hot as hell you are when you don't shave for a couple of days?" I rub my more frequent scruff against his, cheek to cheek as I drown in the intoxicating scent of him, all clean from our shower, yet still so male. So him. So Edward.

"I do not believe you ever let that little piece of information slip, love," he whispers against my ear before dragging his cheek along my jaw.

"Fuck, Edward… that feels so good, baby…"

"So… you've been holding out on me, huh? All this time and I come to find out you like my five o'clock shadow?" he chuckles into the crook of my neck, sending shivers throughout my body. "Or in this case… my afternoon-the-next-day shade?"

"Hell, yeah…" I moan, as he continues caressing me with his coarse cheek.

"How many times I longed to just simply touch you…" I pull back enough to meet his gaze while brushing the back of my fingers along his cheek, "…like this."

He answers with a moan as he captures my lips beneath his, ever so gently brushing along the sensitive flesh. Never before have my lips felt so flushed, so deliciously sensitive from being so used these last eighteen hours. All the meaningless fucking I've done over the years, I've never felt the need to consume another, constantly tasting, as I do with Edward. I can't keep my mouth off of him, and I seriously doubt that I'll ever get my fill.

"You can touch me all you want now… I doubt it's as much as I want… need to touch you," he whispers into my open, wanting mouth, before massaging my tongue with his, long languid strokes against mine.

Minutes pass as we gently kiss like this, hands caressing each other's faces, continuing to learn the feel of cheek bones and lips, jaws and chins. My hands eventually wonder down to his chest, bare – at my insistence. I allowed him to don his faded blues, seeing that he is so fuck-hot in a pair of jeans, but I grabbed the t-shirt he meant to put on and threw it into the corner of my bedroom. Feigning shock and indignation, he made his way to retrieve it until realizing that I was pulling up my own jeans sans underwear. His eyes darkened and mouth hung open as he watched me pull the material up my legs, past my ass, to finally tuck in my semi-erect cock, seductively doing up each button of the button fly so very slowly. Yeah, his t-shirt was forgotten after that. His eyes had met mine as silent conversation passed between us, an intimate exchange in which we relayed how much we want and how badly we need. With a grin and slight nod, he conveyed his understanding of my necessity to see him – really see him now that I can finally openly ogle. I've spent too many years averting my eyes, trying to not visually consume his every glorious detail. Now he's mine and I'm gonna fucking look all I want.

And I want, a whole hell of a lot, actually.

I want to look at his body with the lust that I feel reflecting in my eyes, for him and anyone – _fuck_… everyone else to see. I want to gaze on his face with the love I feel for him so apparent, so obvious, that no one, most of all him, has any question in their minds as to the depth of that love. I want to eye-fuck my boyfriend every second of every damned day without hesitation or apology.

_Boyfriend? _Is he my boyfriend? He is my boyfriend, isn't he? Fuck, yes… he is…

But I must be sure that these last hours hold the same meaning for him as they have for me; I reluctantly pull my lips from his, still lightly tracing the lines of his beautiful, toned chest with hungry fingers.

"Edward?" I implore.

Breathlessly, eyes fluttering open questioningly, he mutters, "mmmm-hhhmm?"

"Are you my boyfriend? I mean… that is what this is… right? You are now my boyfriend, aren't you?"

His glowing smile and happy sigh give me all the answer I need as he nods his head. In this instant I feel as if I can see into his soul, and I witness my own feelings reflected back to me. He feels as I do... I know this to be true. But when will I stop questioning?

"Love, yes… I am that and so much more. Boyfriend is wonderful… yes, I'm your boyfriend. But boyfriend doesn't even begin to convey the depth of my feelings for you. Boyfriend doesn't do us – whatever this thing between us is – justice."

He cups my face within his hands, and I nuzzle into them, desperate for his touch and reassurance. Overwhelmed by the feelings I feel swirling between us. Yet, I remain plagued with insecurities.

"Jas… you must know… I'm your _somebody_… as you are _mine_."

His _somebody…_ his elusive _somebody? _He's found his somebody… yes, it's me…

Memories of the many, sometimes drunken conversations we've had over the years float to the surface of my mind as I remember his longing for _somebody_. Somebody to share his life with. Somebody to trust his heart with. Somebody to spend his years with. And how I'd longed to be that for him. God knows, he'd been mine since the moment we met. But I didn't think I'd ever be his.

"You've always been my somebody, Edward. Always."

Rubbing his thumb along my cheekbone, he pulls me in for a gentle kiss. As the heat of his lips disappears, the warmth from his smile warms my heart. "And you're mine as well. And you know, love… it's irrevocable. Now that I've found you, or now that I've finally woken the fuck up and realized you were here all along… well, you'll always be my somebody. Forever"

Moisture wells up and escapes my eyes as I begin to cry into his hands. What the fuck is up with my propensity to cry all of sudden? I blush _and_ I cry? In all my years of loneliness, _fuck,_ an entire lifetime of solitude, I have cried few enough times to count on one fucking hand. The fact that each of those times had to do with yearning or remorse for Edward, well… I choose to forget that. But now Edward returns my love and I snivel like a baby at the drop of a hat? At least, these are happy tears.

Yet, I continue to feel overwhelmed by my sudden new reality. Not only did _this_ happen between us, but it continues to happen, and it will continue to continue to happen. Since his return last night, Edward has been telling me that he is truly forever mine. It may just take some time to accept… to believe, after so much time of self-loathing and doubt. But I think it may be sinking in.

"Please tell me these are happy tears, Jas," he asks, needing his own reassurances.

"Yes, baby. So very happy. It's just that I've spent so much time thinking I would never have my heart's desire… and so much loneliness even before that. I'm having a hard time believing this is actually happening. That you are really mine."

"My sweet Jasper… I'll tell you and I'll show you everyday, love. I promise you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you _will_ know how much I love you." The intensity of his stare and the depth of his resolution leaves me breathless. His lips claim mine in continuation of his promise. As his tongue gently coaxes my lips open, I moan deep and desperate, grasping him to me. He maneuvers me below him so that he is between my legs, as his tongue delves deeply against mine, telling of love and conviction.

Sucking on my bottom lip, he then places one soft, languid kiss upon my mouth before leaving a moist heated trail down my throat to my chest. My back arches off the couch as his glorious mouth envelopes my nipple, the delicious sensations burning through me. But he quickly diverts his attention… to his key, as I stroke his back and shoulders.

Breathlessly, he murmurs between kisses into my inked flesh, "Thank you… thank you for giving me the key to your heart… for saving it for me. I will cherish it… always."

I feel him grinding himself into the couch between my legs, causing me to thrust my own hardening cock into his stomach. We move together in this intimate dance, my legs now clasped around his waist, hands in his soft locks, as he continues to caress his lips and face against his key, and _fuck_… this feels so damned good. He feels so damned good.

My whispered moans become desperate as he begins a slow, tender descent, tracing the muscles of my abdomen with his lush lips and tongue. I feel his fingers stroke my engorged erection through my jeans; the sweet pressure sends me writhing into his palm as I begin whispering my ardent thoughts.

"Fuck, Edward. Baby… so good… so good… everything… yes… please, touch me… right there, baby… just like that… so good… fuck, baby…"

But then I feel his long fingers at the top button of my fly as he kisses along the edge of the denim. How badly my dick craves his lips embrace, but this is a monumental first for my inexperienced lover; the memory of his hesitation during our recent shower claws through my lust, overshadowing my desire.

Placing my hand over his that has now made its way to the second button, I still his efforts, causing Edward to look up at me in question.

"Wait, baby… are you sure? We can wait for that?" I don't want to rush him. I don't want to scare him. What if he doesn't like it?

"I don't want to wait any longer, Jas… I want to taste you… need to taste you… now."

"Well, when you put it that way, darlin'… by all means… proceed…" I drawl, relieved as I remove my hand from his to brush it through his rebellious, beautiful hair. He deftly undoes the button as he continues to gaze up at me, the passion and love apparent in every feature of his face. And I am lost in his awareness, overwhelmed in the knowledge that my aching cock will soon be within his sexy mouth. How many times have I imagined just this? How many times have I masturbated while fantasizing about what he is now actually about to do? But none of my fantasies compared to this magnificent reality…

Diverting his attention to my partly opened fly, he dips his head to kiss my newly exposed, trimmed pubes, intimately moaning against me, obviously as affected by our moment as I am.

Suddenly, the shrill buzz of my intercom intrudes on our moment. Edward and I both jump slightly as we look at each other, simultaneously groaning, "Pizza."

He scrambles to answer the door, leaving me chilled at his absence, chuckling at the obvious disappointment written all over my pouting face.

"Don't move and don't you dare redo what I've undone, my love. I will be picking up where I left off… very soon."

I can't help but palm my erection through my jeans, silencing a moan while I wait for his return. However, as the scent of the pizza wafts through the room, I realize how very starved I am, how much I need to replenish the energy I've expended loving my boy. It is early afternoon after all, and the first time either of us has eaten since before our reunion began last night. But who needs food when one has sexy Edward to otherwise occupy my mouth? Well, if my growling stomach has anything to say about it… I guess I do.

We eat in comfortable silence as we feast straight from the box. Always deluxe pizza as it is our favorite. Such a familiar event, considering how many times we've sat on this couch, with this exact meal. Yet, this is the best fucking pizza I've eaten in my entire life. Never has it tasted this good, famished as I am, happy and content as I feel, with my love's leg draped over mine, his knowing smirk directed at me.

"Eat up quickly, love. I'm anxious for my dessert," he flirts with a wink. _Mmmmnnnn… I do believe my boy is insatiable. What kind of a monster have I unleashed in my sweet Edward?_

I flirt back with a wink of my own, "We have plenty of time, baby… I'm not planning on letting you leave for days… maybe weeks. When do you start back to the hospital? I'll think about letting you leave for work - I'll think about it. I'm not making any promises, though."

My words do not have the intended effect. Edward visibly stiffens, removing his leg from mine to sit upright, while running his hands through his hair. He looks at me with worry and trepidation.

"Jasper. I'm so sorry I haven't mentioned this sooner… but… I have to go back to Chicago… tomorrow."

_What?_ I'm left speechless. _What the fuck did he say?_ He can't be serious. He said he'd never leave me again… he said he was back for good…

After what seems like long moments but what has been mere seconds, his hand leaves his hair to rest on my leg as he opens his mouth to speak, hopefully to answer my silent questions as I now tremble slightly, still speechless.

"Jas, say something… we've been kind of busy, you know. It slipped my mind…."

"Slipped your mind?" I ask. I realize how desperate and angry I sound, but _what the fuck?_ "What the fuck are you playing at Edward? What about everything we've said? Everything we've done with each other… to each other? You said you were back for me. You said you wouldn't leave me again… you said you wouldn't hurt me again. But this entire time you've been planning on leaving me tomorrow?"

His face becomes panicked and pained as he vehemently shakes his head, grasping my hands between his, practically throwing himself on the floor to kneel between my legs. "No, no, no, no, no… Jas… love… you misunderstand! Yes, I have to leave tomorrow… I have to go back to Chicago tomorrow, but only for two weeks, Jasper. I gave Kate my two weeks notice just the night before last. I told her that I had to come home, for someone… for the love of my life. But that I would be back in a couple of days to wrap up some appointments and help her find my replacement. I'm so sorry that I have to go back at all, believe me. I don't want to be away from you already… ever again really, but I owe her and Tanya this, Jas."

My fingers entwine with his, holding onto them as if they are my lifeline. "You're coming back? You're not leaving… _me_?" My voice sounds small and pathetic. I don't even care. Now that I've experienced his returned love and affection, I can't imagine my life without him.

He pulls me to him, briefly nuzzling his face into my neck, then intently holding my gaze. "Yes, love… I'm coming back… I promise! And no, I'm not leaving _you_, I'll never leave _you_. You're stuck with me, Jas… through thick and thin, for better or for worse. Although… once I get myself back here, I can't imagine there will be much thin or worse."

_Overreact much? Fuck! _I feel that damned blush color my face again. I pull my boy back up onto the couch with me, to nestle between my legs once more, as I chuckle, trying to lighten the intense mood my lingering insecurities have created.

"Uh… so sorry, baby. I guess I kind of overreacted just a little."

He looks up to me, taking my face in his strong yet gentle hands. "No, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I've just been trying not to think about having to be separated from you. I totally pushed it to the back of my mind, practically pretending it didn't exist. I didn't want to burst this intimate love bubble we have going here."

I can't help but out right laugh at his analogy for our precious time together. "Intimate love bubble? Is that what this is, baby?"

He playfully punches my arm and unsuccessfully tries to look perturbed. "You know what I mean, fucker."

"Mmmnnnn... yes, I am a fucker, aren't I? And I plan to be quite the intense fucker throughout the night and into tomorrow so you won't forget who your ass belongs to while you're getting the hell out of Chicago and back to me for good." That's more like it.

"Fuck, Jas… your dirty mouth…" His eyes visibly darken and I feel his cock harden against the back of my thigh as my legs embrace him, but I also notice another emotion on his sweet face as he nervously runs his hand through his fiery locks. Why does he suddenly seem shy? His eyes timidly search my face, contradicting the way he now grasps my leg as he grinds his erection against it.

When he speaks again, his voice is husky and he looks at my mouth. "Um… yeah… about that… are you always the fuck-_er_?"

_Huh? _"Say again, baby?" _Does he mean…?_

"Are you always the fuck-_er _as opposed to the fuck-_ee_?" He still looks at me so nervously, yet with such lust and raw desire. _Fuck_, he's sexy! And his goddamned erection feels like steel through our jeans. I'm so glad talking about sex with me turns him on so.

"Do I always top? Well, usually… yes. I haven't bottomed in a very long time and only a couple of times at that. Why? Would you like me to bottom for you? Because I want that if you do. I want to give myself to you in that way… in every way possible."

A timid smile lights up his face as he reaches to brush my bottom lip with his thumb, the other hand still grasping my leg to his hard-on. "Why have you only bottomed a couple of times? You didn't like it?" he asks in genuine awe, as if he can't understand why I wouldn't. It's good to know that he does, in fact, like it – like bottoming… for me. Only ever me.

"It's not that I didn't like it. I'm just naturally more of a top, I guess. You know how I am… I like to be in control. It's hard for me to give someone else that control of my body… and I've never been with anyone enough to trust them with that part of me. I've wanted to be… with you, actually. So now that I am…"

I reach for him, pulling him to me, on top of me, for a soft and tender kiss. Yet our raging hard-ons that now grind against each other do not speak of soft and tender. I regrettably break the kiss… temporarily… to continue this important, erotic conversation. What could be clinical – even awkward - has become foreplay, as we are both so obviously turned on by the prospect of my boy's dick in my ass.

"Do you like bottoming, baby? You haven't seemed to mind… but would you rather fuck me?"

"God, yes… I mean no… shit..." His lips briefly ravage my lips as his tongue seeks out the caress of my tongue. Then, between peppering my face with languid opened mouthed kisses, he continues, "What I mean to say is…" he brushes his lips across my cheek, "I love having you inside of me, Jas…" His tongue peeks out to skim my jaw, as the hand that isn't wrapped around my back gently caresses at the nape of my neck. "Your cock inside of me fulfills me in a way that I didn't know was possible… makes me feel things I couldn't have fathomed, love," he firmly but so fucking slowly grinds his dick against mine through our painfully tight jeans, as his mouth finds my chin to suck there. "I love how I can give up all control to you and you take care of me… of my body… of my needs…" _Fuck... _I groan into his mouth as he claims mine once more, but not for nearly long enough, pulling just barely away, breathily whispering into my open, panting mouth, "So I guess I'm a bottom… your bottom, love. But I want to make love to you… I want to know what it feels like to be buried inside you… surrounded by your heat. Eventually…"

He stills above me, gazing down into me, mouth still so very close but too fucking far. And he doesn't even realize what he does to me, the effect his words have on me, the effect _he_ has on me.

"Ungff… Edward… fuck, baby… yes… I want that too, so badly… but _eventually _is fine. You just let me know when you're ready. Until then you can just be my needy bottom, and I your needy top."

Our kisses finally resume, fevered and desperate, as we hump each other to the brink of climax, only to slow down just in time to stave off our bliss.

"I needto taste you, love, all of you," he breathlessly whispers, as he slides down my body, kissing my flushed chest and then abs as he makes his descent, until finally nestling between my open legs.

"Mmmnnn… where were we before we were so rudely interrupted? Oh, yes… I was about to finally suck your dick, wasn't I?" He sensually speaks low and needy against me, unbuttoning the rest of my fly and releasing my cock as he does, his breath washing over the sensitive flesh of my erection.

Finally I am free, my fully erect cock standing before him, as my jeans are open and pulled down just below by aching balls. I watch him watch me – the rigid part of me that is, with lust filled, hungry eyes, as he takes my cock in his hand and slowly strokes from the base to the tip. So fucking tightly, so fucking slowly, his fist milks my leaking cock until pre-cum dribbles down the side.

When he speaks again, his low, throaty voice sends me trembling as his need to taste me and my need to be tasted is thick in the air between us, around us, making it hard to even fucking breath.

"Fuck, Jasper. You are so, so fucking beautiful… your cock, love… I've never seen anything so beautiful…"

His tongue finally meets the head of my cock as he licks and sucks up my juices, moaning and groaning the entire time as if it's the sweetest thing he's ever tasted. My hands find his hair as I tenderly message his scalp. And I'm fucking in awe; in awe of the sight of my boy suckling my cock, in awe of the feel of his hot moist mouth where I've always craved for it to be but never thought that it would, in awe of his obvious pleasure. Edward likes my cock… he likes giving me head…

Relief briefly washes through me, before raw aching bliss replaces it as he envelopes my shaft within his strong – wet – glorious mouth. My eyes role back into my head as he sucks me so hard and so slowly. I throw my head back at the assault of pleasure and heat that radiate from my cock throughout my entire body. It takes every ounce of restraint to not start full-on fucking his face as I feel my balls already tightening and tingling, the heat of my impending climax already moving along my spine. And then I realize that the loud moans and guttural groans filling the room are coming from me, from deep within my heaving chest. Fuck, I'm practically screaming my pleasure at every stroke of his mouth. And I am unable to stop him, to slow him down. I'm going to cum so fucking hard, so fucking soon.

I force myself to prop up on my elbows to watch the beautiful sight that is my Edward, between my legs, making love to my cock with his mouth. But the sight only speeds my climax as it now barrels toward me out of control. His hand strokes the base of my cock, meeting his mouth half way up its long length at every pass. And his body… his body writhes with his swollen cock hanging out of his undone jeans – in his hand as he strokes himself, moaning around me. Suddenly, he grasps my thighs with both hands, sucking me in as far as he can, slightly gagging until finding his threshold, now grinding himself into the soft leather, practically fucking my couch. He pulls off of me, just long enough to look up with such passion, such unbridled lust, his words seething between us, "Fuck, Jas… cum for me, please… cum in my mouth, love, please… hurry… I'm so fucking close…" before surrounding me once more in his moist, hot suction.

I can't help but thrust into him, gently holding his head in place above my pulsing cock with one hand while my other has a death grip on the back of the couch. "Fuuuccckkk…. Eeddwwaarrdd! Soooo ggooooodd!" I shriek as I empty my seed into my lover's mouth. For long moments my dick continues to pulse and squirt as my body twitches and shakes. Although inexperienced, my love is attentive in his attempts to take my load, but before I am spent he pulls his mouth off my cock, swallowing and half choking while my cum lands on his lips and chin. The erotic sight of my essence on his beautiful face only lengthens my climax, and begins his. Endless green returns my gaze as he calls out my name, convulsing and thrusting his body between my legs into the couch. And even in my lust-sated mind, I am transfixed to see the power of his climax written all over his contorted face. Though how I wish I could also witness the cum erupt from his dick instead of between him and the cushions, out of my sight. He finally stills, collapsing on my legs and groin, panting and moaning as his body comes down from its high.

I am speechless as I pull him up my body, into my arms. How is it possible that his first time giving head was the best I've ever had? Of course, I must admit, that the simple fact that it was him, Edward, the love of my life and my heart's deepest desire, has a lot to do with it. But besides it being him, he was really fucking good. So giving. So responsive. So sexy.

As he opens his eyes and returns my amazed gaze, I run my fingers through his literally sex-tousled hair and kiss him long and deep, moaning at the taste of myself in his depths. I lick his lips and chin clean of my cum and nuzzle his neck before finally voicing my amazement.

"Damn, baby… that was incredible! How… how… how...?" _How_ do I ask him _how_ he knows _how_ to give such incredible head?

"You really liked it? It was good?" He asks, so sweet and innocently, truly happy at thought of having given a satisfactory blowjob.

"You couldn't tell, Edward? By my body's responses, my moans, or maybe by the colossal load you drew from me? Although anything you ever do to me will be remarkable just because it's you. But you give a mean blowjob, baby."

He blushes, again amazing me with his coyness, burrowing further into my side. "Well, I have been on the receiving end a few times over the years, so I kind of personally know what feels good. Not to mention you've given me the best head of my life a couple of times during these recent hours. Also, I may have watched a little porn during my time away." With his last statement he hides his face in my neck, but not before I glimpse his crimson cheeks.

"Gay porn?" I ask, breathless at just the thought.

Muffled so, but still audible, he replies, "Yes… quite a lot, actually."

Can my cock actually be hardening again already? "Fuck, baby… I want to hear more about that sometime. That is so incredibly hot."

"Yeah?" he shyly asks, peaking out from under his beautiful, fluttering lashes.

"Fuck, yeah. Did _you_ enjoy it… what you just did to me, that is?"

"God, so much, Jasper." And now his cheeks tinge crimson once more, but not due to embarrassment. No. They are flushed because of his arousal. Arousal at the thought of having my cock in his mouth… my cum on his lips. "You couldn't tell, Jasper? By _my_ body's responses, _my_ moans, or maybe by the colossal load that _I_ blew all over your couch?" And then he smirks at me with that sexy crooked grin of his and I don't know which side of him I love more; my innocent, shy, virginous lover, or cocky sex-god Edward, more like the man I first fell in love with.

We both look down to the mess of a couch now under our legs. "Yeah, it was kind of obvious you enjoyed it. Don't move," I tell him and then extricate myself from his embrace to clean up the couch and us.

As quickly as possible I return to his arms, wrapping us in a fleece blanket. After a few minutes of silence, before I allow myself to drift off in his comfortable embrace, I must ask… "When do you leave tomorrow?"

"Just after lunchtime, I think." He squeezes me to him, almost desperately, as if I might disappear if he doesn't hold on to me for dear life. "So sorry I have to go back…"

"Shhhh, baby. It'll be fine. We'll be fine. You just get your ass back to me in two weeks. Okay?"

"You fucking better believe I will. I couldn't stay away any longer than that. Or you could just go with me?"

_Uugghh… How I wish I could! _"How I wish I could, baby," I regretfully answer him, while so touched that he wants me to accompany him. "I have an important private showing at the end of this week that has already been put off far too many times due to my lack of inspiration as of late. I also have some meetings with my agent on my next collection, or I would."

"That's okay, Jas. I understand."

We hold each other as we drift off to sleep, as I revel in the difference twenty-four hours have made in my life. In our lives. The last thing I hear before slumber completely envelopes me is his sweet sleepy voice murmuring, "I love you, Jasper. So much."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading! Please leave me a review and share your thoughts with me. I'll send you a little sneak peak of chapter 6 if you do. ;-)<strong>

**As you may have noticed, more often than not it will be Jasper telling this story, but we will hear from Edward on occasion.**

**Check out the awesome banner lvtwilight09 made for me:**

**/****i1133**** 9 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/m592/lvtwilight09/ITC (dot) jpg**

**The link is also on my profile.**


	6. Breathe

**What more can I say about my wonderful beta and friend, harritwifan? Thank you for your continual support and encouragement! And help! And expertise! And for betaing this chapter, of course!**

**I listened to _Far Away_ and _Never Gonna Be Alone_ by Nickelback a lot for inspiration for this chapter. Went back to the basics, I guess. And then _Breathe_ and _Slow Motion_, both also by Nickelback, for the very end of this chapter and into the next. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 6 – Breathe<strong>

**Jpov**

_Damn… my dick feels so fucking hard… feels so good… so warm and wet. Yes… don't stop. Suck me again, Edward. Just like that. _

The haziness of deep slumber gradually dissipates as I realize I'm lying flat on my back with Edward between my legs. _Must wake up. Must open my eyes._

My eyes flutter open to glimpse the new day, immediately greeted by passion and desire. Pure ecstasy and need. Not only do I see it shining from deep within his green depths, but I feel it coursing through every vein in my own body, originating from my beating heart. From the heart that beats only for him.

He returns my stare as he takes my rigid length deep within his yielding mouth, almost down his throat. Already so much deeper than his first attempts just yesterday due to the extensive practicing he insisted on – even begged for - last evening and throughout the night. It would seem that my boy cannot get enough of my cock. In his mouth. In his hot delicious mouth.

_Fuck,_ it feels exquisite to be right there… Kissed by his adoring lips. Surrounded by his moist heat. Stroked by his loving tongue. Massaged by his gentle suction.

And it is equally intoxicating to be lost in his loving gaze. As always, it's as if I can see into his soul and his soul is once again telling me that not only is it full of passion and need for my body, but equally for my mind and heart. For all of me. For good. Forever.

I gasp at his intenseness as the last of my sleep induced fog lifts. Fuck, I could get use to waking up like this everyday, the subject of his adoring gaze, with my cock encased so deep within his loving mouth. Finally words find me…

"Fuck, Edward… feels so good, baby… gonna make me come so hard." My hands run through his messy hair, pulling slightly on the ends.

Moaning around me, sending vibrations shooting to what feels like every nerve ending in my body, he begins gently tugging my balls, rolling them gently in his hand. His other hand diligently jacks my cock, chasing his mouth as it moves up and back down my shaft at an increasingly ravenous pace. I grasp the sheets on either side of me now, afraid of the pain I'd cause him if I hold on to him at this point. Thrusting up into his mouth, I writhe beneath him. Once again, my moans have reached a fevered pitch as my balls draw up impossibly tight against my body in preparation of the load that they are about to shoot down my boy's throat. I can't fathom how another drop can be left within them after the multiple times they emptied into his mouth last night, and the one time into a condom buried inside him early this morning.

"Edward, fuck yes, baby… Oh god… Oh god…" I feel my body involuntarily lift up off the mattress as my back arches almost to the point of pain, another mind blowing climax practically knocking me unconscious as my dick shoots my release into his mouth. How I wish I could open my eyes to see the glorious sight of his mouth filling with _me_, but I'm too far gone at this point. And frankly, I don't want to fight my body's natural reactions to the assault of pure pleasure it currently endures.

Blackness tries to envelope me, perhaps from lack of oxygen, as I gasp for air and try to calm my body's trembles, coming down from another incredible response to everything Edward, yet again. Finally returning to my senses, I feel him crawling up my body, kissing along the way while his rock-hard erection grazes my leg, eventually grinding against my sensitive softening sated cock. Claiming my mouth with his, his tongue delves against mine, sharing my essence as I swallow his desperate moans. I reach around him to cup his ass cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer, encouraging his thrusts as he seeks relief from the discomfort I know his engorged cock must be feeling.

I reluctantly break our kiss and slightly push his upper body away from mine, while still holding his ass, so as not to break the contact he so desperately needs. I look down at him, so hard and deliciously rubbing against me. And I groan my guttural pleasure at the fuck-hot sight of the purplish-read so-swollen head of his cock peaking out from between our bodies, leaking all over me.

He moans his need into my neck as he sucks and bites me there, never relenting his body's strokes against me, "Oh, Jas… sucking your cock turns me on so much… makes me so hard, love. Need to cum so bad… gonna cum so hard…" He continuous to roughly thrust, desperately attempting to ease his ache as I meet his every movement, rolling my hips just so to massage him as deeply as possible, both of us now slick with his precum. Each stroke brings him closer to his bliss. Each grind escalates his moans that now deliciously caress my sensitive love spot, as he calls it, there between my shoulder and neck, coaxing my cock to join his in length and solidity, giving him even more of the sweet friction he pursues.

He whispers his impending climax to me, "Jasper… so close… so fucking close…"

whimpering at the sweet burn I too know so well; how it begins in your balls, creeping through the veins of your dick to the throbbing head, while simultaneously spreading up your spine and through your groin and down your thighs. Such sweet decadent torture.

"Fuck, Edward… need to see you cum, baby. Move up here where I can see you. Cum all over me, baby…" I pull him up my body and help him to kneel above me, over me, around me. Straddling my stomach, he begins stroking his long thick length.

And once again I am overwhelmed by my new reality… _How the fuck did he become mine_? This sexy boy above me, jacking himself off on me, head thrown back as he steadies himself with the other hand on the head board; I am completely mesmerized, paralyzed by his raw masculine beauty. Such an intimate, primal act as he chases his orgasm with abandon, because of the lust my body invokes within him. The most beautiful man in the world is mine and just as affected by me as I am him.

I lie transfixed, barely breathing, grasping his tensed thighs as his deep breaths and moans intensify. "Oh Fuck, Jas… love… I'm cumming… yes… I'm cumming for you!" he yells as his body becomes rigidly still except for his hand that meticulously pumps his cock from where it juts from his body, up its full length, to its engorged crown. His head falls forward, giving me a perfect view of the intensity of pleasure written all over his beautiful animated face, shining from his half-open eyes as he attempts to return my gaze. In this moment he is laid bare to me.

The semen begins fountaining from his pulsing cock, his hand coaxing out spurt upon spurt, each one landing on me. Hot splatters of his essence paint my chest, neck and face. I don't know which of us is moaning louder at the erotic intimacy of it. My tongue extends in search of his salty juices, rewarded with a few precious drops. I revel in his taste on my tongue.

Finally he is spent, collapsing next to me, face down in a pillow. His muffled descending moans reach my ears as I try to rein in my own erratic breathing. And I'm also spent, because every fucking moment with my boy penetrates my soul, leaving me on overload from the depth of emotion constantly exchanging between us. I can't imagine my life will ever be the same. Everything is on speed where my Edward is concerned, and considering I hope to focus on him, merge my life with his; there shall never be a dull moment. Even the simple act of masturbating becomes an earth shattering event when shared between us. Just when I think I've seen the sexiest thing possible or felt the most I'm capable of, he goes and does something like jack-off on me. My mind reels with the implications of yet another epiphany concerning my future life with Edward.

Still face down in the pillow, he begins chuckling, pulling me from my reverie. I turn my head, smiling at how his naked back and ass look so gorgeous, slightly shaking from his laugh. Then he is whimpering when he lifts his head to take in the scene that is me, still lying here covered in his cum.

"Fuck, Jas… that may be the hottest thing I've ever seen… you wearing _me_ like that."

I grin up at him as he moves to hover above me, raking over my body with his eyes, the fire of desire already rekindling within. He leans in to lick my lips clean of his cum, causing me to shudder at his openness and lack of inhibitions where intimate acts between us are concerned. _Fuck_, I love how he is so _all in_. It's hard to believe he's new to gay sex. I feel so lucky to have him so willing to share so many new experiences with me. I like to think he's like this just because it's me. That he wouldn't do such things with another man.

With that thought, an unwelcome emotion slithers into the back of my mind. The unpleasant feeling of jealousy. Yes, I know it all too well, my familiar previous companion that whispered in my ear, practically driving me insane every time I had to endure seeing him with Bella. Still, the thought of him with another sickens me, man or woman, as ridiculous as I know that it is. I know he's only discovered he likes men because of me, and I know that I can't fault him for having a sex life before me. And I'm comforted by the hope that I'll never have to imagine him with another again.

"Hey, love… where'd you go?" He questions, noticing my sudden musing.

"Nowhere, baby…" I brush my thumb across his cheek. "Just thinking about you… and how lucky I am that your mine. And how absolutely hot you are licking your cum off of me like that." I can't help but add the last bit with a smirk, of course bringing on his beautiful blush. Daring sex god one moment, blushing and shy innocent the next. That's my sexy boy.

"Mmmnnnn, yes. But wait just like that so the rest doesn't land on the sheets, and I'll be right back to clean you up…" he grins, moving toward the edge of the bed. I grab his hand, not to let him leave so easily. Maybe I just don't want his essence washed away just yet, not wanting the moment to pass. We have so few moments left before his two week absence. There are so many things I want to tell him, _again,_ as I've constantly poured my heart out to him since his return, but I settle on the sum of it all.

"I love you, Edward." My voice sounds all husky with emotion because it is. And he recognizes the intensity and weight of my words. He squeezes my hand and crawls into my arms, cum be damned as it smears between us.

"I love you, too. Jasper… I love you so much. More than I knew I could love someone, would ever love anyone. Thank you for that. Thank you."

He kisses me chastely… at first. For nothing between us can remain chaste for long. The kiss quickly becomes heated until we both seem to notice the stickiness of his seed now all over us both, at the same time. His load had been massive as usual. _Damn,_ the cum my boy can dispense. Fucking could be in the Guinness Book of World Records, I swear.

"So much for saving the sheets, love… you're going to have to wash them."

"Fuck that, baby… I told you. I'm not washing them until you return to me. I want to smell you and the evidence of what we've been up to. I'll sleep surrounded by it every night. And I'm sure I'll be adding to it quite frequently to thoughts of you. "

He shakes his head. "Seriously, Jas… I don't know how something can be so gross yet so incredibly hot at the same time," he adds laughing, which causes me to laugh. We're a sticky, laughing mess…

"Besides…" I whisper as I gesture towards the bottom corner of the bed, "I think the sheets were a lost cause after you came all over them early this morning. Don't you agree?" We both moan at the memory, as together we gaze at the area where I'd stood behind him as he'd kneeled on the corner of the bed, me taking him from behind again. My insatiable responsive bottom lover; he'd pleaded for me to make love to him, easily convincing me that he could handle a third time in so many hours. And I'd given in to what I'd wanted, as much as if not more than he. So I'd taken my time preparing him, entered him excruciatingly slowly, concentrated every effort on moving inside him just right to ensure his greatest pleasure. He'd whimpered and pleaded to touch himself as I'd continually refused, even holding the hand that didn't support his weight behind his back for long moments. And that only seemed to heighten his desperation. We _will _be revisiting _bondage_ very fucking soon.

After a very mutual, incredibly slow, deep climb to ecstasy, he'd emptied on the bed as I'd simultaneously filled the condom, both of our climaxes enhancing the other's. We'd then entangled ourselves within each other's embrace before once again succumbing to our exhaustion from months of separation and subsequent hours of reuniting.

"Come with me to the shower, love. I want to get cleaned up and have enough time to make you breakfast before I have to leave for the airport." Moving towards the edge of the bed once more, Edward attempts to pull me with me this time.

But somehow the thought of his rapidly approaching departure does not inspire me to leave our bed.

I fail miserably at hiding my sudden panic, my uneven voice giving me away. "How long do we have, baby?" I try to swallow the lump that has instantly formed in my throat.

Caressing my hand between his, his eyes lower to study there as he answers me, voice thick with his own obvious dread. "Two hours. I need to be ready for a taxi in two hours." He does _not _want to leave. He _is_ coming back.

"Oh hell, no… you are not taking a fucking taxi, Edward! You must be kidding! No boyfriend of mine is taking a taxi when I'm good and well to drive you there myself. Besides, I'm not letting you out of my sight till the last possible minute…"

His frown becomes a smile as he glows at my statement. He's so beautiful like this, smiling because of me.

"You're going to drive me there yourself? That really isn't necessary… but… I doubt I could talk you out of it, could I? Even if I wanted to? And I don't."

"So two hours, then?" I try to force some cheer into my voice. I want to send him off on a positive note. "And your home-cooked breakfast, first? Your scrambled eggs?"

"Of course."

"And your fried potatoes?"

"I would not make you breakfast without fried potatoes!"

"And bacon and buttery toast?"

"Only the works for you, love," he confirms, causing my heart to go pitty-pat at the reminder that I am in fact truly his love.

It's been too fucking long since he's made me his breakfast.

He looks at me questioningly from under his lashes. "I noticed you have all the ingredients and not much else to speak of?"

"Oh yes, I've kept your breakfast supplies stocked. I just couldn't live without them. And maybe I was staying prepared, for in case you came back… and you did."

"Yes, I did. But you haven't been eating enough." The worry in his eyes makes my heart hurt. _No baby, don't worry… I'm all right. _

"Um… well, I've actually gained some weight back recently. My jeans almost fit again. Is it still that obvious? Do you find me too skinny?"

"No! You're body looks fine, love. I mean better than fine. Hot! Fuck, Jas… I obviously like it…" he chuckles nervously, running one hand through his hair while the other still clutches to mine.

"But you just aren't as solid as you always were. I knew your body well from our runs… I guess more intimately than I even realized. I think my subconscious already knew what we were meant to be. It just failed to let me in on the secret. And again, I just can't say enough how sorry I am that my stupidity hurt you."

His blush makes this uncomfortable conversation bearable. But still I feel slightly sick that he's noticed how much I'd let myself go. And that he continues to beat himself up over our separation. It's my turn to hold his hands in mine as I reassure him. "Enough of that, baby. No more, okay? That's all behind us. And I admit I didn't take good enough care of myself for a while, but I'm better now. Even before you came back, but especially now."

I move to sit beside him, pulling him into my arms, caressing his cheek, smiling so he'll smile. The physical contact immediately sets us both at ease.

"Um, Jas…" he murmurs against my cheek. "Let's start running again as soon as I get back… okay?"

"Sure. I've been meaning to start up again, just hadn't gotten there yet… running without you, that is. But now I don't have to."

Then I can't stop myself from moving my hands along his muscled thighs, up his toned abdomen, to rest on his firm biceps, unsuccessfully willing my cock to not react to his gorgeous body beneath my touch. "But you've been running, among other things, haven't you?" I capture his lips beneath mine, catching him off guard. Within seconds he melds against me, whimpering at our instantaneous heat.

But too quickly he breaks our kiss and puts far too much distance between us. Mere inches. Far too far. Nervously running his hand through his auburn hair yet again, he implores me with lowered voice and sad eyes. "I really must get into the shower now. Join me? We might not have time for what I'd really like to do in there, but I want you with me…"

"Of course. I'll be along in just a minute."

I watch as he walks into my adjoining bathroom, his firm round ass slightly swaying and flexing with every step. Without thinking, I palm my hardening cock at the sight of him, then regretfully stop myself at the awareness of our lack of time. We've only just begun healing and already we don't have enough time to make love in the shower or again on the bed. Or in the kitchen as the food burns. Or on the couch in front of a movie that we don't pay attention to because my cock is buried deep within his tight ass as he rides me.

_Fuck!_ It's going to be a long two weeks. But I can do this. No, _we_ can do this. And before we know it he'll return. To me. Home… to our home? Yes… he needs to move in here and make it _our _home.

But I'm pulled from my newest hopes and dreams by three ascending chimes beside me. I see that it's a text message on Edward's cell that is lying on my nightstand. Without giving it much thought, I read the message that is displayed on the front, as I retrieve it to take it to him.

My stomach lurches as the words I've just read sink in.

I reread them. A second time. A third time.

**Hey doc. Hope things are going well. But if not, I'd love to pick up where we left off. I can still taste you on my tongue. I dream about tasting you again before fucking that hot ass of yours… **–**Riley**

"_What_ the _fuck! _And _who_ the fuck is Riley?"

* * *

><p><strong>Yes... I just ended it there. Can you believe the gull of some people? But thank you for reading! And for maybe reviewing, too? I can handle it. You can rip me a new one if you so see necessary. How do you think Jasper will handle this text from Riley? What about when he finds out that the reason Riley can still "taste Edward on his tongue" is because it was just three nights ago that he had him in his mouth? But you know how much these boys love each other... they can work through anything. Even an incredibly sexy, very sassy Riley?<strong>

**I feel that I must mention two amazing fics that I've enjoyed profusely… both beautifully angsty but oh-so sweet:**

**Sacrifice by mw138 - ****Fanfiction (dot) net/s/7029405/1/**

**Rinse and Repeat by Fr333bird - ****Fanfiction (dot) net/s/7551288/1/**

**Oh, and I also adore:**

**Just a Coffee, Please by beckybrit - ****Fanfiction (dot) net/s/7048214/1/**


	7. Not Broken, Just Swollen

**Here's the next chapter, sooner than usual due to these boys constantly screaming in my head to get this shit figured out. And your passionate reviews and anxiousness to see how that damned text affects them definitely inspired me to write fast! Thank you for that!**

**As always, the sweet harritwifan betaed this for me. You're wonderful… you know that…**

**The play list for this chapter: _Slow Motion_ by Nickelback, _What If_ by Cold Play, _It Will Rain_ by Bruno Mars, _Someday_ by Nickelback, _I'd Come for you_ by Nickelback (Can you believe it? A couple of songs NOT by Nickelback?)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

The last straw just broke.

I'm a line in your tasteless joke.

What's up with that heart you've stolen?

Don't worry cause, it's not broken – it's just swollen…

Well, I'm drowning

in your ocean,

It's much cooler

in slow motion.

_Slow Motion_ by Nickelback

**Ch. 7 – Not Broken, Just Swollen**

**Jpov**

"_What_ the _fuck_? And _who_ the fuck is Riley?"

I clench his phone in my hand as my mind reels at the possibilities. The horrifying, incomprehensible, heart-breaking possibilities.

Edward has been with someone else… recently. Someone who _tasted_ him. Someone who wants to _fuck him_. A man who wants to fuck him! Oh god! A man? He's been with another man?

Riley… Riley could be a woman's name, couldn't it? But does it even matter?

Why will it hurt so much less if this text is from a woman? Why? I don't know. It just will.

But the sender of the text wants to fuck him… his _hot_ ass. It has to be a man. God… I think I'm going to be sick.

I don't know how much time passes as I sit here, head in hands, pulling at my hair to the point of pain, Edward's phone now lost on the floor somewhere as my imagination gets the best of me.

I drag my body across the room to my closet, just pulling on what my fingers find first. What the fuck's it matter? What does anything matter? While I was here finding it hard to take each and every fucking breath, he was in the arms of another… oh god… another man.

I just got him back! _Fuck_, I just got him to begin with. I can't lose him now. But I have this _Riley_ to contend with? This _Riley_ that Edward didn't even tell me about? Wait a fucking minute… _why _didn't he tell me about him?

I'm lost. So lost that I don't hear the water shut off. So lost that I don't hear the bathroom door open.

"Jasper… where were you? Why didn't you…"

He stops mid-sentence, mid-step – as I stop my pacing to face him. My beautiful boy all dripping wet in a just barely a towel. _My_ beautiful boy? Is he?

I can't look him in the eye, so I settle for a sock on the floor. "You got a text." My voice sounds lifeless and void of emotion.

"Okay?" He moves to retrieve his phone from the nightstand, but it isn't there. "Where's my phone? Jas… look at me, love. What's the matter?" He moves across the room to me, his heat soothing my frayed nerves, urging me to calm the fuck down. But as he tries to cup my face in his hands, I can't. I just can't. I push away from him and stalk over to the bed, bending over to find the damned phone that's changed everything in an instant.

It's right under the edge of my bed. I pick it up carefully as if it will burn my hand and the fucker goes off again, a reminder chime because the text hadn't actually been opened. I jerk like I've been stung, standing up against Edward's firm, warm body. He's right behind me with his hands on my shoulders. He knows. He knows something is terribly wrong.

Just like he knows this Riley and what the inside of his mouth feels like.

So I abruptly turn, hand him his phone and walk away, yet to look him in the eye. I need some distance until I understand. But I already understand that this is not going to be good. No. This is very, very bad.

I hear his sharp intake of breath as I'm sure he's reading the text. "Fuck," he mutters. "Jas… look at me. Turn around and look at me, please."

I can't deny him. I turn around, my gaze climbing his body to finally find his eyes. He looks scared. Pale as a ghost and scared.

He shakes his head so slightly, eyes pleading with me, voice breaking on his words because he can see the effect that fucking text has had on me.

"It's not what you think…"

"It's not? This _Riley_ didn't suck your dick, Edward? This _Riley_ isn't a man? He doesn't want to fuck you? Please Edward, enlighten me. Please. By all means tell me that it's not what I think."

He rakes his hand through his wet hair. "Fuck…"

In other words… it is exactly what I think.

"Okay, just hear me out. Riley works at the practice. He had a thing for me. He helped me. Just once, Jas, we were together… just once. I didn't touch him. I didn't even really kiss…"

"When?" I practically growl.

Now _he_ begins pacing. Visibly shaking and pacing. _When _was he with this _other_ man? Oh god… does it matter. He really was. I'm not his first. It isn't me.

Suddenly he stops pacing just in front of me. I can feel his rapid breaths on my face, can feel his heat attempting to sink into my every pore, can see the goose bumps on his chilled flesh. He takes my face into his hands, looking back and forth between my eyes and my mouth. My lips tingle under his visual caress. He wants to kiss me. I want him to kiss me. But first I must know…

Whispering now, I beg for his answer. Beg for it, yet will it to never come. "When, Edward? When were you with this other man?"

The hope that flickers in his green depths fades. "The night before I returned," he barely murmurs, cringing as he forces the rancid words past his lips.

"No, no, no. Please, Edward… no. The night before we made love? That can't be what you mean? That would be… just… three days ago?"

"It isn't as bad as it sounds… just… please, love… hear me out before you completely lose your shit over this. Nothing has changed between us. Actually, we are where we are now because of Riley. Just listen, I know you'll understand."

Searching his pleading face, I want to listen. I want to understand, really I do. Yet the hurt and deceit are venomous in my gut, scorching through my veins. This is too much to digest. Another man? Still wants him? Just texted him? And he was with him intimately just three days ago? Three days ago, while I was on second date with Peter of whom I couldn't even bring myself to kiss goodnight!

"Fuck you, Edward," I spew over my shoulder as I head for the door.

"No, Jas… don't go…" His voice sounds so broken as I reach the top of the steps where my open bedroom overlooks the living room. I stop my body from propelling forward by grasping the railing, clawing at the wood until it's painfully digging into my fingers, knuckles white. The need to flee is over-powering. I've hurt too much, I can't anymore. And as twisted in myself at this moment as I am, I fear that I will say things that I shouldn't say. Awful things that I don't want to say. I don't want to hurt him. Even if he isn't mine, never was, I don't want to hurt him.

"Please, Jasper. Listen to me… don't do this"

"I can't listen to how or why another man would have had your dick in his mouth just three days ago, Edward… after everything we've shared… you had just… just the night before… Fuck!"

I yell at the empty space above the stairs as the anger overcomes my common sense, my love. I can't bring myself to turn around. Everything is in slow motion as I don't dare look at him, running down the stairs and out the door, slamming it childishly behind me.

This is me childish. This is me pissed. And hurt. And lost. And broken because he was never mine.

My corner soothes me while it taunts me at the same time. The creaky wood of the chair groaning beneath my weight has been such a constant companion. Always here, grieving for what I wouldn't have with him. Could never have with him. But then he'd shown me these last days that I'd been wrong. He'd made me _believe_ that I was wrong.

Yet, I find myself back here again. Same. Old. Shit.

How could he come to me when he'd just been with another? Another man?

I don't know what hurts the most. The fact that he was with a man when I'd thought I was his first, or that he's spent our recent precious time convincing me that he feels for me as I do him.

I'd thought I was ready to move on, so I'd gone on a couple of dates with Peter. And I found out how ready I was not. He'd wanted me since we'd met through our mutual friend and agent, Rose – also Emmet's girlfriend since the night I'd introduced them last year. A good friend of hers, she insisted that moving on with a nice man like Peter was just what I needed to start my life anew. To start my life anew without Edward. So I'd tried. I'd truly tried. But it just wasn't right. Not yet. Not him. So as he'd dropped me off after an afternoon of hiking, which had led into an evening of dinner, he'd tentatively leaned in, searching my face for permission to touch his lips to mine. And at first he'd seen what he was looking for, but as his face inched closer, I just couldn't follow through. I'd apologized profusely, telling him, "It isn't you… it's me." And being the sweet man that he is, he'd reassured me that he understands and to please call him if I change my mind.

The weight of my revelation takes it toll as I lay my head on my arms on the table, drowning in the realization of what hurts the most. That's it. That's why I'm so wounded and so pissed. I've not been with anyone in almost a year, not even for months before Edward fled from our kiss, and just three nights ago was still unable to so much as kiss Peter. Edward claims he loves me, needs me, wants me as I do him. Then how the fuck was he able to put his dick in another man's mouth? Three days ago? The same night that I couldn't put my lips on Peter's face? Fuck yeah… that hurts like a son-of-bitch.

And that I'm not his first as far as men goes sucks. Stings. It stings a lot, actually. Although that had been my own assumption. But why the fuck would I have assumed differently, after watching Edward with only women for years, thinking I could never have him because he wasn't attracted to men?

"What the fuck, Jasper! God dammit! I fucking knew I'd find you're here!"

I lift my head to find Seth dressed in his scrubs, scowling over me, hands on his hips, looking much more out-of-sorts than I think I've ever seen him. As he takes in the mess that is me, his expression softens and his hand finds my shoulder to squeeze.

"What are you doing here, man? Edward called me. He's a fucking mess, Jasper… beside himself with worry. He said you left without your phone and he couldn't…"

"And did he tell you why I left, Seth?"

Seth sighs as he pulls up a chair right next to me, sits, and squares his shoulders. "He told me that he's been holed up in your place with you since the night before last, doing what the two of you should have been doing all along. He didn't elaborate, but I can just imagine what he's referring to." Seth chuckles, slightly blushing. But then his demeanor quickly turns serious once more.

"He told me that you ran out when you found out that he's been with someone else recently." Seth raises his eyebrows in question, asking for my confirmation; that I agree with what Edward has told him. I nod in answer, heavy with a sigh and fingers rubbing my temples.

"He also told me that he loves you, Jasper. That he knows you've loved him, been in love with him for years. That he's moving back here for you for good if you'll still have him, but that he has to go back first… today… right now. He was telling me all this while packing to leave, Jasper. You left him there like that when he has to leave?"

"What?" I ask, panic creeping into my voice. I've lost time… he may already be gone? No!

"It's one o'clock, Jas. You really are a pig-headed asshole sometimes, you know that?"

"Fuck, Seth… I was supposed to take him to the airport." My mind and heart flip-flop back and forth between so many emotions. Fear that he's left. Pain at the possibility of life without him. Jealousy for what ever it was that happened with him and this Riley character…

"Yeah… to the airport, so he can fly back to Chicago where his other lover is." The vicious words sting as I spit them out. Seth simply shakes his head.

"Yep, that's you alright, pig-headed and over dramatic. All these years I've watched you _want _him… _love_ him… fucking _need_ him! And you mean to tell me that now you _have_ him… he's fucking moving back here! You have him, Jas! But you're willing to let him go because he's been with someone else? Before he came back?"

"I didn't say that! I never fucking said that! I just can't believe…" _Fuck…_ Seth makes this all sound so simple. _I never said I'm willing to let him go! _

"I never said I'm willing to let him go! I'm not letting him go! Fuck, Seth… I just have to swallow this shit. I just have to work through this…"

"Well, don't you think you should work through this with Edward? Not in your damned corner by yourself while he's on a plane headed thousands of miles away?"

Seth has a point.

"You're absolutely right, Seth. I have to go." I jump from my seat, giving him a quick bear hug for setting my ass straight yet again. Then I run as fast as my legs will carry me.

I fear the worst. Our two hours are well up. What if he's already left? What if he's far away? What if I've fucked up my chance with him and I've lost him for good? What if I've pushed him away and right into another's awaiting arms? _Fuck!_

He's come back into my life, healing me with his warmth and light. If he walks away, everyday it will rain, all over again. Only this time I won't recover. This time I will surely drown.

Barging through the front door of my loft, the emptiness of the open space is immediately suffocating. I run up the stairs to the bedroom. The bed is made and his things are gone. His suit case by the closet door and his clothes that I wouldn't allow him to wear but somehow ended up all over the fucking floor… all gone. _He_ is gone.

"Fuck no, Edward… Don't leave me… I'm so sorry…" I cry to the empty room as I collapse on the bed, tears spilling on the comforter. _What have I done? _

"I'm here, Jasper." I here his voice between sobs and lift my head in disbelief, searching for what could've only been a figment of my imagination. But through the moisture, I see him standing just outside the bathroom door. I'm up and over to him within seconds, but stop inches away, unsure of what to do, of what to say.

I sigh at the disheveled sight of him, yet he remains the most beautiful sight that's ever graced my eyes. His red-rimmed eyes, still wet with tears, search mine for comfort and assurances as he reaches one hand to rifle through his more-so than usual fucked up hair.

"You're still here?" I question, my voice full of raw relief.

"I couldn't leave. I tried to leave… but I couldn't."

Tentatively I touch his face, wiping away his stray tears, searching for words that evade me. Finally they come. What is there to say besides that I am so fucking sorry…

"I'm so sorry, baby. I should've listened. I was wrong."

"I'm sorry too, Jasper… that I didn't tell you about…" apprehensive eyes search mine at the name I know will fall from his lips, "Riley…"

That wasn't so bad. Yet I cringe at the image his name conjures. The image of this faceless man between my boy's legs, taking him into his mouth. My stomach lurches as I try my damnedest to hide the extent of my inner turmoil.

"I'm so sorry you had to find out that way… but I can't be sorry for what happened with _him,_ because it finally gave me the guts to come for _you_." He reaches toward me but stops mid-air.

I can't wrap my head around what he's just said. I'll have to hear the whole fucking story, but not right now. All I know, is that in this instant I need _my_ Edward back in _my_ arms, right fucking now, and we can figure out the rest of this shit later. So I pull him to me, hold him to me, feeling my body relax after hours of uneasiness.

We stand just like this for long minutes, first motionless and gasping, breathing each other in. Eventually nuzzling into each other's necks with light kisses, whispered apologies, and murmurs of love.

"You've missed your flight," I state, rather than ask.

"I postponed my flight until tomorrow," he simply says, as if it's no big deal.

But it is a big deal. It is a very big deal to me. I smile for the first time in hours. I smile at his gesture of devotion. One stray tear attempts to trickle down my cheek, but doesn't make it very far as Edward brushes it away before taking my hand and leading me to the edge of the bed. Standing with the back of his legs against the mattress, he pulls me into his loving embrace, then caresses my mouth with his. Within seconds we are both breathless, as he breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against mine.

"I know we need to talk about this…" he huskily tells me. "I do need to make you understand, Jas. But right now I just need _you_… please…make love to me… right now. We can talk about this later."

I smile and nod, cupping his stunning face in my hands. "If you want me, I'm yours. For as long as you'll have me."

"_Forever_, Jasper. I want only _you_… forever."

He lays back on the bed, eyes full of need, pulling me to lay on top of him. We slowly shimmy up toward the top while our hands search, grope, claim – undoing buttons and pulling desperately at fabric to remove every barrier. With each sacred inch of newly exposed skin, our mouths kiss and suck conveying our mutual love, our mutual desire, our mutual apology for careless mistakes that put our new and so very delicate relationship as lovers in harm's way.

As he moves down my body, licking at my chest where his cum dried hours earlier, I'm suddenly embarrassed at my sullied state. I moan into his hair, "I should shower, baby."

His answer only arouses me further. "No, Jasper… I want you just as you are… I need you now…"

"Fuck, Edward…"

He rolls on his back, pulling me to straddle his legs, guiding me to languidly grind my hard length against his.

"Please love me… please fuck me, now. I need you inside me. I… I…" trembling below me, he's unable to finish what he's trying to say.

"What, Edward? What is it?"

"Just… I was so worried… so worried you wouldn't come back. That you would never want me like this again. I'm so sorry."

I stop moving against him, kissing the sadness from his face, cupping his head in my hands. "Fuck, Edward, no. I'm sorry I ran, but I can't promise I won't again when I'm pissed. You know how I am. But Edward, my love… I promise I will always come back. I'll always come back for you. I'll always come _for_ you…"

I see understanding in his eyes. He knows me so well. He accepts me. And he loves me anyway.

"I'm going to make it all right… somehow…"

"Make it all right – right now, Jasper. Just show me with your body what you feel in your heart. What you still feel for me."

And as simple as that, that is what I set out to do. I devour his lips and tongue with my own while reaching for the lube on the nightstand.

Dragging myself away from the pleasure that is his mouth, I push myself up on my knees, liberally pouring the lube in my hand before rubbing it all over his long length, reveling in how he can feel so soft yet as hard as granite underneath. What a glorious erection my boy has. And suddenly the thought of him impaling me with it overcomes me. I can't wait to experience that with him. But I must push that to the back of my mind, as he now offers himself to me.

Our breaths come fast, sounding harsh and labored as we silently speak to each other, not breaking eye contact as I stoke his cock. But soon the massage I'm giving him there becomes too much. He lets out a deep moan, throwing his head back, grasping at the sheets, writhing beneath me, thrusting into my fist.

Edward – all slick with lube – fucking takes my breath away.

Positioning me for what he wants so badly right now, what we both need, he carefully moves his legs from under mine, opening them around me with me kneeling between them, offering me his body. I never falter in my ministrations as I now pour lube on his balls, watching as it dribbles down them to his awaiting hole, no concern for the comforter below. My fingers find him there and we both whimper at the intimate contact of my finger gently entering his ass. He feels so tight and I can't wait to replace my finger with my dick.

"Oh, yes… Edward. You feel so tight… can't wait till it's my dick in that tight ass of yours."

"Yes, Jas… please… I need you so badly. All of you… now."

"Almost, baby… just a little bit longer… let me make sure you're ready for me… can't hurt you…"

"Just hurry…"

His pleading with me, for me, makes it almost impossible to resist plunging into him, claiming his body as mine. So I hastily insert a second finger and begin fucking him with my hand, and my needy boy doesn't mind as he grinds against it, pushing my fingers as deeply inside him as possible. Finally a third finger joins the other two, not slowing our pace in the least.

"Yes, Jasper, yes. Feels so good! Now… ready… need…" his words fade in to whimpers as I remove my fingers from his body and force myself to remain still, kneeling between his legs, mentally preparing myself for bringing us both our needed release. Once I've carefully sheathed and lubricated my cock that now aches so sweetly, I push on the back of his thighs, placing his legs bent and up against his chest. My gaze falls to his hole, slick and waiting for me.

"You want my cock, Edward?" I hoarsely ask of him.

"Yes, love… please…" he just as throatily answers as he grips the back of his thighs, pulling them up to his chest further.

"Fuck, Edward… so, so beautiful…"

Holding my erection at the base, I rub the tip across his entrance before pushing just the head in, watching him stretch around me. As I gently push in further, his moaning begins, already such familiar sounds, sweet music to my ears.

"Oh.. yes…" he mewls. "Fuck, fuck… Jas… the burn… feels so good… how can it hurt and feel so good?"

Fully embraced inside him, I freeze at his mention of pain, unable to focus on him also saying that it feels good. "I'm hurting you, baby?"

"No, no, no… please Jas, don't stop! Not like that… it doesn't hurt like that… good… it hurts in a good way…" He's frantic in his pleas, begging for me to continue like he is.

"Shhhh, now. It's okay… here you go..." I begin grinding gently inside him. "You're mine, Edward. Aren't you?"

"Fuck yes I am… yours, Jasper…" he pants below me, still holding his legs against his chest as I push off his thighs, thrusting into him, already chasing the burn that teases at the base of my spine.

As I thrust in and out of him, I frequently lean down between his legs to fuck his mouth with my tongue or gently caress his lips with mine, constantly back and forth, warring between the need to fuck him senseless or make sweet love to him.

Suddenly, I feel the need for _him_ to show _me_. I lift us and roll, settling on my back with him above me, never breaking our bodies' intimate connection. I need him to claim me for a change. "Fuck my cock, baby. Show me who you belong to. Show me who it is you need inside you."

"Oh fuck, Jasper. You, I need _you_ inside me, love… only you… always you…"

He rides me fast and then slow, leaning forward before slightly back. I realize he's experimenting with his new control, finding just the right position for my dick to feel best inside of him. He bites his lip, a stern look of concentration on his face, still moaning and whimpering as he repeatedly impales himself on my erection. His hard and leaking cock bounces between us, slapping from my stomach to his. I'm getting close… really fucking close.

I grasp his hips and guide him as I thrust up into at the angle I know he needs. And he begins practically shouting, "Yes! Fuck! So good! So close!" Various phrases of his approval, repeatedly, sporadically fill the air around us, between us, killing the last of my control as I know I'm sure to lose my load in his silken grip any second.

I grasp his dick and begin to tug, begging him to come before me, but the burn is so deep, the haze so thick, I catapult over the edge, emptying inside him.

"Cumming, Edward… fuck… yes… Unngghh…" the last guttural groan drawn out deep and desperate as I pump into him, filling the condom.

"Oh shit, I feel you… that's it… cum in my ass, Jasper… come inside me…" he yells, before his cock pulses and squirts all over my stomach and hand, the spasms inside his ass coaxing the last bit of cum from me.

We pant and kiss, nuzzle and murmur our regrets and reassurances, wishes and love. Then once cleaned up, my Edward is asleep in my arms in minutes, but I am left awake and wondering.

I will make this work. I will make this last. But first I must accept. I must trust Edward to come home to me. I must get past the new knowledge of his recent male lover. I must listen to Edward when our time comes to talk so that I may embrace that somehow, another's touch brought my boy home to me and finally into my arms.

My fears and insecurities have been realized today and our relationship has been thoroughly tested. We still have much to talk about and work through, this damned separation to endure, and this other man that will be near my Edward while I will not. But we are here together in love and in each other's arms for now. And we will be again. That has to be enough.

**Whew… these boys have been through a lot in a matter of hours and I'm as exhausted as they are. Thanks for reading! What did you think?**

**The next update for these two is planned for Christmas Eve. It will be a future-Christmas-take of Christmas Eve for these two in fourteen years.**

**I am also writing a one-shot for the Toys for Tots Christmas Wishes Compilation. With a $5 donation, or more if you want, you'll receive a collection of out-takes and one-shots from a variety of amazing authors on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. So treat yourself to some exclusive fiction and help kids in need at the same time! Here's the website:**

**christmaswishescompilation (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/information-and-rules (dot) html**

**My story will be a Christmassy romance with an Edward/Jasper pairing called Last Christmas. Here's the banner that the amazing IllicitWriter made for it:**

**Illicitwriter (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2011/12/new-banner-last-christmas-by (dot) html?zx=dd289351a9885411**


	8. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Clause

**Merry Christmas everyone! This chapter is a Christmas Eve future-take of these boys in fourteen years. Therefore it is full of spoilers as to how they end up… just giving you a heads up in case you don't want to know. It was supposed to be short and simple, but you know what happens when my Edward and Jasper get naked together… they get all intense and passionate and definitely don't keep it short and simple.**

**You can guess from the title what song inspired this chapter.**

**harritwifan did her amazing betaing for me as always. Thanks hon! Couldn't do any of this without you!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 8 – Christmas-future-take – I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Clause<strong>

**Alice pov-**

Peeking around the corner, I can see Dad arranging the gifts under the twinkling tree. The lights play off his blond waves making him look even more like an angel than he always does. That's what Daddy calls him… his angel.

It's Christmas Eve and we are all so excited. And I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world, because I have two daddies that love me so much, the sweetest little sister – well most of the time she is, wonderful grandparents and family that will be here very soon, and I just know Santa is giving me what I want for Christmas. Well, Dad and Daddy are giving it to me. I've known the truth about Santa since last year. And I know I'm getting what I want because I saw the pink and blue ice skates under the guest bedroom bed. Come on dads, you can't find a better hiding place than that?

And I'm pretty sure Angie is getting what she asked Santa for. She asked for a kitten. She's three and that's how old I was six years ago when I got my black and white Charlie cat for Christmas. Probably my favorite Christmas ever. I didn't think Santa would really bring me a kitten, but when I dragged Dad and Daddy out of bed and down the stairs, I heard the panicked squeaky meowing before we even rounded the landing and could see the tree. Under it was a bright red box with holes in the top except for where the big shiny green bow was. And the box was shaking a little while it meowed.

Still standing here secretly, I see Daddy sneak up behind Dad, who is now standing and looking at the Christmas tree. He watches it for hours, it seems.

"Hi love, how's my Christmas Angel?" Daddy murmurs into Dad's neck, as he wraps his arms around him. Eeeewwwee! Did not need to see that! I should clear my throat or cough or something so they know I'm here. I really don't want to see them messy-kiss, again, though I should be used to it by now.

Too late… Daddy giggles as he holds some mistletoe above their heads and then leans in to really lay one on Dad all soft and tender, like he always does. I can't help but smile to myself at their love and respect for each other. Even when Dad loses his temper about something silly, Daddy knows just what to say to calm him down and they always kiss and make up. I hope I can find a love like that when I grow up.

Dad answers him once they finally stop the kissing. "Mmmnnn… I'm really good… now. And how is Mr. Clause tonight?" They hold each other close, looking into each other's eyes. Daddy is dressed up like Santa like he always is on Christmas Eve. Not with the beard and white hair and all that, but he's worn the soft fluffy red suit and hat every Christmas Eve for as long as I can remember. His messy reddish-brown hair, auburn like mine, sticks out from under the hat. He looks silly, really, but it's kind-of sweet. That's my Daddy. Sweet. And Dad is too, but in a more serious way.

I feel Angie tugging on my skirt. Her sweet face looks up to me, blond ringlets everywhere. She looks so much like Dad, with his blue eyes, too. I look just like Daddy, with my green eyes and auburn hair. But everyone says we both take after Aunt Rose; they say we are beautiful like her. She's not really our Aunt, but she and Uncle Emmett are our dads' best friends. And most importantly, she's our biological mom. Dad and Daddy always say that Aunt Rose gave them the most precious gifts ever. Me and Angie.

"Awice?" Angie asks as her little hand curls into mine.

"Yes, Ang?"

"Are Gammy and Gampy here? Or Aunt Rose?"

"No, honey. But they'll be here soon." I see that the dads have heard Angie's bell-like voice. At least they know we're here and will stop their carrying on before it gets embarrassing.

"Wat about Uncle Em or Jassy or Eddy?" Jassy and Eddy are their sons. They are twins that are three years older than me. They are named after our dads because our dads introduced Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett and helped them stay together and stuff.

"No, but let's go help Daddy and Dad get dinner ready and they'll be here before we know it."

"Ho, Ho, Ho", Daddy sings as he picks Angela up and swings her around. Dad pulls me close as we laugh at them. I think _this_ is going to be my favorite Christmas ever.

**Jpov-**

_Later that night…_

Standing at the vanity, my reflection stares back at me. I still take pause whenever I catch a glimpse of myself, looking happy and content with a constant lazy smile on my face. It's hard to believe so much time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday that the first glimpse of my Edward stole my breath and changed my life forever. More than twenty years since first I saw him. Fourteen since he's been mine.

I don't feel any older. Not really. But the tell-tale signs of age are showing with the increasing laugh lines around my eyes and the few grey hairs, visible to only myself so far, that pepper my blond indolent curls.

I sense his approach before I hear or catch sight of him. Wrapping his arms around my middle from behind, he draws me back against him while nuzzling his beautiful face into the back of my neck where hair tickles there, breathing me in as he always does. After all this time, my heart still quickens and my cock immediately begins to swell at the comfort and heat of his every embrace. And the sight of him behind me practically brings me to my knees. Still so, so sexy. My Edward has only gotten better with age. How he improves on perfection, I'll never know.

"The girls finally asleep?" I ask huskily, knowing the answer by the way he's dropped his hands to grasp my hips, pulling my ass back against his hardening groin.

"Mmmm-hmmnnn…" he answers, peeking past my shoulder to return my gaze in the mirror. The twinkle in his eye and mischievous smirk foreshadow his intentions. He teasingly moves his hands across my stomach, then up my chest, to begin unbuttoning my blue-button down shirt. Watching me with hungry eyes, he makes his way back down, my flesh slowly revealed to him in the mirror, making removing my shirt such an erotic act. Consumed by the intensity of his stare, I drop my head back to rest on his shoulder as he gently moves my shirt past mine, down my arms, to finally fall to the floor at our feet. I moan as his long fingers caress my chest, lightly pinch my hardened nipples, trace each abdominal muscle. Suddenly, he swiftly reaches down into my jeans to close his fist around my cock. I gasp, moving my ass back and forth to rub against his hardness, then to thrust into his fist. Back against his cock. Forward into his fist. And so on…

His soft lips begin sucking at the love-spot where my neck leads to my shoulder. The spot he knows drives me absolutely insane with lust. "What ever shall we do now, love?" he murmurs there before placing soft kisses on the inked angel on my shoulder.

I turn in his arms to face him, to brush my lips against his, reaching around to kneed his ass as my tongue slips in his mouth, every kiss between us a conversation of how much we want, the depth that we need, our love never ending and unconditional. Kissing down his jaw, I tell him exactly the first of many things that I plan to do tonight…

"Mmmnnn… first I'm planning on sucking my Santa's dick…"

I slowly drop to my knees, unbuttoning red velvet as I go, exposing his gorgeous toned chest and stomach. Running marathons together all of these years have kept my boy and myself in excellent shape. Looking up to him from this position that I love so fucking much always causes a lump to form in my throat as he looks down at me every time, breathing heavily, hand so lovingly brushing through my hair.

Tearing my eyes from his, they settle on the bulge in his pants instead. I lick my lips in anticipation of what I know I will find under the velvet of his Santa suit, the suit that has become one of our many special Christmas traditions. The suit that I look forward to peeling from his body late each Christmas Eve. As I slip the fabric down, I can't muffle my chuckle at finding matching red jockeys. How my boy likes to coordinate… he's so fucking cute! He shrugs, knowing exactly what causes my mirth as I constantly tease at the way his undies always match his clothing, even though I think it's adorable and he knows it.

Finally, his glorious erection is revealed to me as I inch his underwear down to just below his sac, constricting his balls just so. His cock stands before me at full attention, beckoning me to suck it into my mouth. But first I lightly lick around the head, dip my tongue into the slit, eliciting groans from above. As usual, his guttural moans shoot straight to my dick, making it impossibly harder.

I then suck his length into my mouth's snug embrace, taking him all in, only to immediately move my lips back to the head. I feel his fingers tighten their grip in my hair, holding my head still to thrust into my mouth, causing my cock to throb in my still fastened jeans as the mood shifts between us. Oh yes… my boy is taking charge, and damn how he turns my on so fucking much when he gets like this.

"Fuck, Jas… your pretty little mouth feels so fucking good on my cock…" he grunts, now fucking my face.

_Hello dominant top Edward. How nice to see you again._ Just his tone of voice causes my cock to ache incredibly more. I'm so fucking turned on. I can feel the precum wet on the tip of my dick, the cotton of my underwear damp against me.

Costumes always do this to him. There's something about donning a different persona, but be it Halloween, this Santa suit each Christmas, or when we experiment with different attire behind closed doors – I know I'm going to get good and fucked when Edward dresses up.

He grabs my hair, pulling my head back and off of him so that I'm looking straight up into his passionate green eyes. It hurts a little… so good.

With his other hand he holds his erection at its base, guiding it to trace my lips with its head. _Fuck!_

"Fuck, Edward…"

Lightly slapping his dick against my cheek he groans, "You suck such a good dick, Jasper. Did you know that? You're such a good boy, aren't you?"

When I don't immediately answer other than a muttered whimper, his grasp in my hair tightens further and I receive another slap from his leaking cock. "Answer me, Jasper... have you been a good boy this year? Are you on the nice list? Or are you on the naughty list?"

"You tell me?" I mutter against his cock, letting him lead this little game. I'll be whatever he wants me to be. Always.

"Oh, I think you've been very good at being very naughty… and that is a good boy in my book. And for being such a good naughty boy… you deserve your gift early, don't you think?"

"Yes, baby… fuck yes!" _Oh fuck, yes. Please… please… please…_ "Please."

"Okay, sweetheart. Since you asked so nicely… I'll give _it_ to you early…" He bends over capturing my lips with his, licking at them before slipping his tongue into my mouth, claiming me for his. His kiss invokes moans from deep inside which he takes from me greedily.

"Do you want _it_, my _good _boy? Do you want me to give _it _to you?"

"Yes, please…" I whimper and beg.

His touch morphs once more into loving and tender as he gently cups my head in his hand, thumb brushing my lips. My eyes dart back and forth from his breath-taking face and the fuck-hot sight of him languidly stoking himself, the tip of his cock glistening with a drop of his essence that has gathered there. He speaks softly and slowly as if I might have trouble understanding what he means… and it's fucking hot as hell. "All you have to do is listen real good, Jasper… you do what I tell you and I'll give you what you want… what you need. Understand?"

I can barely shake my head with a groan as my hand finally finds my groin to rub there; an unsuccessful attempt at easing the ache of my swollen cock through my jeans. But he quickly bats my hand away.

"Uh-uh-uh… no, no, no. You will _not_ be touching your own cock tonight. Don't forget or I won't be able to give you what you want."

Edward moves away from me to sit back against the counter, looking so sexy it hurts, with his pants still below his balls and the shirt of his suit open revealing his ivory skin me to. Intense moments pass of me kneeling before him like this, watching him as he watches me. Each second that passes adds to our need, until he stands and speaks as he removes the rest of the red velvet suit. Bittersweet it is to see it leave his body for another year, yet I can not remain sad as the rest of his body is revealed to me. Who could begrudge the sight of Edward completely naked.

His voice is commanding and smooth when he speaks. Firm, yet gentle. "Take off your jeans and get on the middle of the bed… on all fours. I need to see that hot ass of yours up in the air..."

Immediately doing as he asks, I turn towards the bed as I undo my jeans and wiggle them past my hips and over my ass, knowing it's one of his favorite views of me. So slowly I crawl up to the middle of our huge king size bed, positioning myself on my hands and knees in the middle as he's specified, my cock so heavy and leaking, jutting from my body.

I watch over my shoulder as Edward walks back and forth around the bed, stroking himself as he takes in the sight of me before him like this. Dropping my head to hang low, I'm breathing heavily in anticipation of where and how he'll touch me first. So many scenarios flash through my mind, all of which I know will be phenomenal. But I'm desperate for it to begin. I need his touch so fucking badly.

I feel the bed dip, hear him moving up behind me.

The first sensation of the warmth and wet of his tongue sends me jerking. _Oh fucking yes…_ Flat and firm on the back of my balls, he licks up and along the entire crack of my ass. It feels so good but I need so much more. And he knows what I need and how close to loosing it I actually am, his tongue quickly finding where I crave it the most, on my quivering hole. He doesn't kiss me gently there to tease. No… the teasing is over. He works me there to quickly prepare me for his cock. He needs this as badly as I do. I can tell by the way he fucks my entrance with his tongue, pushing it as deep inside me as our bodies will allow. "Fuck that feels so good, baby…" I squeal, pushing my ass back and up to grant him the best possible access.

I whimper as he pulls away to scold me. "Shhh… now you must keep quiet. I'll have to stop if you're a bad boy and wake the children…" The last part is muffled as his mouth dives between my ass cheeks once more.

But soon he leaves me cold and wanting while he retrieves the lube. I breath a sigh of relief when I feel the bed dip again, hear him moving behind me to grind his rigid cock between my cheeks. He lavishes me with lube there in preparation, but I'm ready… I can't wait any longer.

"Please, Edward. Please fuck me. Now! Please?"

Ask and thou shall receive, as I immediately feel him penetrate me, my ass swallowing just the head of his bare, slick cock. I welcome the delicious burn, thrive on it as he hovers there, just inside me, caressing each cheek of my ass with gentle hands, panting above me, behind me. And then I feel the full long length of his heat as he steadily pushes inside until his balls touch mine. Despite biting my lip, a muffled wail escapes me.

"Yeah… that's it, love… there you go my good boy. This is what you need, isn't it? My cock buried deep inside your needy ass?"

"Yes, baby… so good. You fill me up so fucking good…"

Stifling a groan of his own, my boy grasps me on either side where my legs meet my groin, fingers trembling, digging into my flesh. And then it begins… the fucking begins with each of his deep calculated thrusts, each one so deliciously right, each time hitting the spot inside me that sends shivers throughout my body. The burn already begins in my testicles as they tighten in preparation of spewing my seed all over the bed, my aching dick bouncing below me untouched.

"That's my good boy," he groans as the drives into me. "Take my cock… take it all. Fuck, you feel so good on my bare cock, love. So fucking good! Does my cock feel good in your ass?"

"So good… so good…" I begin to chant each time he impales me again, "so good… so good… so good…"

His thrusts become more desperate. "Too good… fuck…shit, shit, shit, shit… cumming already…"

With one last thrust, he folds himself around me, moaning my name into my flesh, clinging to me as his cock begins to pulse inside me. I feel each pulsation as he empties deep within, and I'm so close myself, the burn holding but not spreading, yet. When his spasms finally subside, he peppers kisses along my back as he straightens to kneel behind my quivering form once more. He rubs my back and ass while slowing grinding his softening cock inside me.

"There, there… that's my good boy." His voice is so husky, lazy, just fucked sounding. The sound of it laced with the feel of his cum lubed cock in my sensitive hole are enough to almost set me over the edge once and for all. Almost but not quite.

Finally pulling his cock from inside of me, he rubs it up and down the crack of my ass and just inside my seeping hole. "Fuck, I love the sight of my cum leaking from inside you, love. So fucking sexy." We both always enjoy that sight, usually me as I'm most often the one shooting my load in his ass. He's always been my needy bottom.

My strangled whimper reminds him of my current desperate state. Bending down, he places tender kisses on the cheeks of my ass as he firmly pushes what has to be four fingers inside me. I don't fucking know for sure… all I know is that they fill me back up so good, so right, and I can't help but let out a loud moan when he curls his fingers to massage my prostate.

I'm a quivering mess, practically unable to function, but somehow I comply when he instructs me to spread my legs further. He positions my ass up in the air, pressing on the middle of my back to push me down so that my arms collapse and I fall forward onto the down comforter of our bed. I bury my face in it, reveling in the material that will muffle my cries, so that I can let loose the guttural noises that I so need to make in this moment. And make deep moans and loud cries I do when Edward reaches between my legs to finally wrap his hand around my throbbing cock.

Three strokes later, coupled with the pointed pressure to my prostate from his capable fingers within, and I'm trembling, burning, practically blacking the fuck out as I empty all over our bed. He works me through my climax, never relenting the move of his fist on my cock or the delicious ministrations inside, until I'm completely spent and shuddering, now flat on the bed.

I feel him murmuring his love against my heated flesh as he crawls up my body to spoon behind me, holding me in our post-coital bliss. Long moments later I turn to snuggle into his embrace.

The blackness claws at me as I jerk up and awake, sticking to our bed where the cum has dried between it and my stomach. My thighs stick together where my husband's essence seeped from my hole. Three a.m.? I can't believe we fell asleep like that, but Christmas preparations have worn us both out.

I unsuccessfully try to extricate myself from his arms and legs as he attempts to hold me to him, whining in his sleep at my attempt to leave.

"Shhhh… baby. It's okay. I'll be back after I shower and go pick up the kitten," I try to reassure him.

"Wha… no, love… I'll go," he very unconvincingly mutters, not even opening his eyes.

"No… you sleep, baby. I'm looking forward to, as rudely as possible, waking up Seth and Ri in the middle of the night like they did us in Fiji." They've kept the kitten we are giving Angela from Santa until one of us picks it up to have it here for Christmas morning. I smile at my plan of revenge. They kept us awake night after night with their very loud fucking on the recent vacation the four of us took together and now it is pay back time.

Seth and Riley have been together since meeting all those years ago at Kate's. Seth had been bisexual, yet quite inexperienced in his relations with men. Needless to say, he never looked at another woman, or man for that matter, once Riley caught his eye and properly demonstrated the wonders of gay sex. The two of them quickly fell madly in love. Riley also quickly won me over as he does everyone, and we've all been incredibly close ever since.

"Okay, love… if you're sure." He groggily answers, finally relinquishing his hold on me.

Once showered and dressed, I stand by our bed watching my Edward sleep. His beautiful form warms my heart as I prepare to head out into the cold night. I have so much to be thankful for every day, but on this Christmas morning I'm feeling especially lucky for the man in this bed that belongs to me, for our beautiful girls snug in their beds just down the hall, for everything about this amazing life Edward and I have built together.

I lean down to lightly kiss his cheek, whispering, "Merry Christmas, baby… I love you so much."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed a peek into the boys' future. Next up we'll be back to the present and the beginning of their new relationship, still fragile and vulnerable. <strong>

**I wrote an Edward/Jasper one-shot (Last Christmas) for the Toys for Tots Christmas Wishes Compilation. It's not too late… they are excepting donations until midnight tonight! (11:59pm Dec. 24th, 2011 EST) With a $5 donation, or more if you want, you'll receive a collection of out-takes and one-shots from a variety of amazing authors tonight or tomorrow! Many awesome slash authors contributed a story! So treat yourself to some exclusive fiction and help kids in need at the same time! Here's the website:**

**christmaswishescompilation (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/information-and-rules (dot) html**

**Happy Holidays! **


	9. Collide

**Back to the present for these two.**

**Many thanks to harritwifan for betaing this and helping me with this chapter. She's awesome, but if you read much slash fanfic, you've probably already figured that out.**

**Listening to the songs **_**Collide**_** by Howie Day and **_**I'd Come for You**_** by Nickelback also helped me write this chapter. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 9 – Collide<strong>

**Jpov**

We finally wake from our long nap, tangled together in so many ways. Our mouths find one another in soft kisses, before the fog of sleep totally releases us from its clutches. Our growling bellies beckon us to shower and rush to the kitchen instead of listening to our insatiable need for one another for once. I personally would prefer to ignore the rumblies in our tumblies, as Edward calls them, to listen to my body's more insistent needs; its aching and swollen needs. But my boy has more practical ideas, fueled by silly concerns for my health.

I had thought I was always hard those years of unrequited longing and lust, but this… this is fucking ridiculous. It's like my cock is on constant alert, knowing that it can finally have what it wants. Trying desperately to make up for so many uncomfortably cramped situations in which my hand would eventually offer relief while my mind envisioned it was Edward's ass that drew my climax. Now that my cock knows how welcoming and utterly euphoric being buried in his ass feels, it simply can't get enough. Never will.

Still damp from our hurried all too innocent shower, nothing can take away from my happiness in this moment, as I sit here watching Edward make his breakfast for our dinner. Not his looming departure that has been delayed until tomorrow. Not even the imminent unpleasant conversation we must have about our time apart. I need to hear how being intimate with another man brought us to where we are right now. He needs to hear that at the same time I couldn't so much as kiss Peter.

But for now, this new grin of mine graces my face, yet again, as Edward moves about my kitchen as if he hasn't been gone for months. I can almost imagine that he hasn't, that our separation was just a bad dream. The worst of nightmares. But things are so different now, and I'm enjoying this new found freedom to watch him in a different way, no longer hiding my lust for his gorgeous physical form, no longer hiding my love for everything he is. As I sit here with my coffee at my little kitchen table in my little kitchen nook, he keeps glancing over at me, momentarily caught in my adoring gaze. Edward and I have always eaten here in this corner when it's just the two of us, despite the bar that seats six that divides the kitchen from the living room.

His blush is just perfect each time he catches my stare, coloring his ivory skin the hue of deep pink roses. He then looks down, fluttering his full lashes, clearing his throat, as he gets back to the task of cooking the eggs, bacon, and potatoes. And the aroma. The very distinct aroma of such foods wafts around me, telling me of him, telling me that Edward is home and everything is right again, that everything will be okay.

It's also strange, yet so wonderful, to not have to conceal my ever present hard-on. And notice it he does, his eyes darting to my lap, licking his lips, the thin fabric leaving nothing to the imagination as I sit back in my chair, legs slightly spread, aching for him so. And thank god I had the foresight to insist he wear an almost identical pair, only his in grey, while mine are blue. My eyes can't decide what to feast on more. The way the cotton hangs low on his hips, how tempting the curve of his ass looks, or the bulge of his own arousal. It is essential that we get through this meal and our talk as quickly as possible so that I can get him back to my bed, soon to officially be _our _bed, I hope.

It would appear to anyone else that I am lazy and rude to sit here while he does all the work, but this is how we do it. He cooks his breakfast for me, the breakfast his momma has always cooked for him. And in return, I cook my stir fry for him. Not something I learned from my family, no… seeing as I do everything I can to forget anything and everything about them, but a recipe I came up with from the leftover produce I was allowed to take home from the grocery store I worked at when I was first on my own. Only now I use fresh ingredients. But I'm so out of practice, seeing as how I haven't made stir fry since the last time I did for Edward, so many months ago.

Finally, as the food is ready, I burn my mouth on the eggs and potatoes, too starved to let them cool. We eat in comfortable silence, our feet touching under the table, hands entwined between us. Once the dishes are cleared and cups of coffee replenished, the mood between us shifts as we take our seats at the table once more. Edward scoots his chair closer to mine and grasps my hand on the table as if his life depends on it. He fidgets nervously with his other hand as he tears at a napkin, staring down at it intently like it's the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

I, however, sit calmly, rubbing the top of his hand with my thumb, sipping at my coffee, doing well to hide my growing concerns for how I'll react to hearing what he has to say. I try to wait patiently for him to begin. His voice is timid and hoarse when he finally speaks.

"Let me start back at the beginning… when I first left."

"Okay." I nod, relieved to ease into this.

"I was so lost. I missed you so fucking much. And I was angry that you had kissed me… or that you had lied to me by not kissing me sooner… I don't know. I was just pissed. Because everything changed in that one moment."

I attempt to reassure him, even as my gut twists at the thought of him so far away, angry and hurt by my actions. "I understand. You had every right to be angry with me, Edward."

"No… no I didn't. That's just it. Right away I knew it felt right. And that scared the shit out of me, because I never had a clue that I was… gay. And that thought pissed me off even more. So I fought it. Because, how could I be gay and in love with my best friend? Isn't that something a person should fucking realize on their own?"

"I guess not, baby. You didn't… but you did eventually. That's all that matters. But how did Riley help you to realize that you wanted me?" _Fuck._ Nice way to ease into it… am I ready for this?

Edward shifts in his seat to face me, searching my face for the reassurance that I can handle the truth. I try to smile, failing miserably. So I settle on squeezing his hand and nodding my head. I will handle whatever he tells me. I have no choice; I have to. I can't live without him. Never again.

"I already knew that I needed you …wanted you. But I couldn't make the final decision to come for you until I was absolutely certain that I could give you everything. That I could give you everything physically…" He pauses, swallowing, waiting for my reaction.

I get what he's saying. I totally do. But why was he with another man if he didn't know if he would like being with me? What am I missing? Before I can figure out how to voice my questions, he continues, his eyes imploring me to understand and accept what he has to say.

"I watched a lot of porn… men having sex, sucking each other off, licking each other…_there_… like you did me in the shower. Everything." He finally lets go of the shredded napkin to lower his hand, adjusting his body's reaction to the images he describes. His eyes are dark as he continues. "It turned me on, especially when I imagined doing those things with you, but I couldn't come here and start something with you until I was sure."

_Fuck._ He watched porn and thought of me… that is so damned hot. But we must finish the conversation we are supposed to be having. The hurtful one. The Riley one. Let's get this shit over and done with…

"Edward… baby. Riley?"

He clears his throat and then tells me everything. Everything I've been needing but dreading to hear. He tells me about Riley and how he'd continually flirted. He tells of being drunk at his cousin's, three nights ago, and Riley coming on to him. How Riley had followed him into the pool house, how it felt good to be touched by a man, but wrong that it wasn't me.

My stomach churns and I truly think I might throw up when he begins telling me the specifics; about Riley on his knees giving him head and how right it felt to have a man doing that as opposed to a woman,. I let go of Edward's hand despite the hurt in his eyes, pushing up from the table and making my way to the sink before realizing what I'm doing. Grabbing a glass, I fill it with water and gulp it down as if I can wash away the sickness invoked by the thought of my boy on a couch in some other man's mouth.

Edward walks up beside me, takes the glass from my unsteady hand, and pulls me into his strong arms. I meld into him, within his comforting embrace, consciously reminding myself that he is _here. _With _me_. His arms are around me, not Riley.

He whispers into my hair the rest that he needs to say. "When I climaxed… I moaned your name, Jas. I wanted it to be you , even imagined that it was. And I finally knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could be with you totally… that I liked sex with men, but that I only wanted to have sex… all sorts of sex… every kind of sex… with one man. You."

I keep my face buried in Edward's neck. I can't look at him just yet, but I hold on to him with everything I am, trying to convey to him that I understand. Visions of all the kinds of sex he speaks of between us quickens my breath. But the less welcome vision, the predominant one of him with his dick down Riley's throat, still makes the others hazy.

He must mistake my silence for indifference because his next question seems so hopeless, sending chills straight through me. Voice quivering, he asks, "Did I doom us before we even had a chance to begin?"

I pull back enough to look him in the eye, shaking my head, cupping his beautifully scruffy face in my hands. "No, baby… absolutely not. We'll be fine. I'll get through this… we'll get through this. It just hurts that you would do that… when you knew how I felt here, waiting for you."

Shaking his head, he returns my gaze as if confused. "But I didn't know if you were waiting for me, Jas. I called before I went to Kate's and it wasn't you that answered your phone. It was another man… I'd figured to be your lover… or your boyfriend."

That _was_ Edward. "If that was you that hung up on Peter, then it has been you that's been calling and hanging up on me for months?"

It's Edward's turn to bury his head in my neck, embarrassed and practically trembling. He has to know that I'm not mad. I'm actually relieved to know it was him. I'd hoped it was him… or maybe I'd even known it was him.

"I just needed to hear your voice… to feel like you weren't so far away from me. I'm sorry," he murmurs, the feel of his hot breath caresses my skin, quickens my pulse, sending most of my blood south to my cock. A slight groan escapes me… but not yet. I can't have him again quite yet. It will need to be soon, though.

I hold him to me, one hand rubbing his back, the other playing at the hair at the nape of his neck. "No need to apologize, baby. To be honest, I'm just glad that you were calling me, that you were thinking of me and needing to hear my voice. That makes me feel a little bit better about our time apart for some reason. Like you weren't so far away."

"Yeah. Hearing your voice made me feel better, too. I was there thinking about you the entire time."

He finally lifts his head, and we hold each other as close as possible, stealing light kisses. But I see a question in his mossy depths, forming on his pretty lips. "Jas… who is Peter? Is… was he a lover or boyfriend?"

Caressing his face, I try to rub the sudden insecurities from his features. Nothing should ever cause him to look so troubled. And when we put this shit to bed for good, I will dedicate my life to insuring his happiness, that his beautiful face has no need to scowl, that his eyes will always sparkle with happiness, are never dulled with sorrow.

"He wanted to be both…" I begin to answer, taking Edward by the hand, pulling him through the kitchen to the living room, to sit on the couch beside me. I need to be in his arms before I further bare my soul to him, in the safety of his embrace as I let him see just how bad I've had it for him even when I thought there to be no hope that he'd ever love me back. Wrapping his arms around me, he holds me so close.

He rubs his fingers through my waves, his soothing voice washing through me. "It's okay, Jasper. You don't have to tell me about Peter if you don't feel comfortable talking about it. It doesn't matter who he is or what you've done with him. But nothing you can tell me will scare me away. You're mine now and that is all that matters to me."

_Shit._ He thinks I had feelings for Peter, fucked him even? He's got it all wrong. So I attempt to set him straight. I tell him all about Peter. How we met through Rose and instantly hit it off, although the attraction that Peter felt for me was one sided as I'd not been interested in any one else. No one but him. Yet I'd finally gone on a couple of dates with Peter, the last being just three days ago, when I couldn't so much as kiss him good night… the same night Edward had been with Riley. I told him that nothing had happened with anyone in over a year, not since the morning last summer he'd arrived here for our morning run, meeting the man I'd spent the night with as he was leaving. The last man I'd been with until now. Until Edward. "Do you remember?" I ask.

Edward's brow scrunches as he sneers. "Oh yes… I remember him all too fucking well. I so badly wanted to smack the blissed-out look off of his face!"

My mouth hangs open in surprise. "Really?" I can't hide the amusement in my voice.

Embarrassed, his gaze focuses on the floor as he rubs at the back of his neck with the arm that he doesn't still have wrapped around me. He looks at me sheepishly, avoiding my question. "You haven't been with anyone since then?" Disbelief and relief lace his sweet voice, a content smile transforming his face yet again.

I just shake my head and nuzzle into his warmth.

And he nuzzles me right back, rubbing his face against the top of my head, speaking into my hair there. "Jasper, you must know… I never meant to hurt you again. I'm sorry that I hadn't told you yet, that you had to find out like you did. But I swear to you that I would have told you about Riley. I just didn't think about it. I was so wrapped up in everything we've been feeling… doing with each other. I didn't have time to think about him. He never even crossed my mind. And I am so sorry that my time with Riley causes you pain, but I can't be sorry that it happened… it showed me that I could come for you and be everything for you. Everything you deserve. And Riley is a good guy… a friend. One for which I will always be grateful for helping me make up my mind to finally come back for you. And he was very understanding and encouraging once I told him about you."

I try to tease, yet the jealous undertone of my statement is all too obvious. "Well, you just make sure he keeps his hands off your ass, the hot one he wants to fuck, these next two weeks. I don't share well with others when it comes to my boyfriend or his ass." I'm jealous and selfish when it comes to my Edward… so sue me.

Edward lifts my hand to his soft lips, gently kissing my knuckles as he chuckles at me. "You are too cute, sweetheart. You have to know that I only have eyes for you and I have no desire to share my ass with anyone else."

"I know that, Edward. And I know that I can be a jealous dick. And I guess I liked the idea, a little too much really, of being the only man you've ever been with. It's just that I sat by wanting you and watching you only with women… namely Bella. It just never occurred to me that you would have been with another man. Does that make sense?

"Completely, Jasper. I understand."

_Okay, one last nagging concern, then I'm taking my boyfriend back to bed._ "Which kind of brings me to one more question that I feel I must ask. And then enough with the talking… okay?"

"Fine by me," he answers with his sexy crooked grin, looking at my mouth and licking his lips, his hand resting on my thigh...way up high on my thigh. He seems to have similar alternative activities to talking in mind.

"Well, you referred to yourself as gay and you say that things have felt better with a man than with a woman did?"

His grin only widens as he begins kissing my neck, leaving goose bumps in his breath's wake. "With you Jas… especially you, but yes… with men in general, too, I guess."

Somehow I continue speaking, forming words from my questioning thoughts. Thoughts that I'm beginning to struggle to form as his tongue finds my love spot, licking there. "So… you think that you're gay. Not bisexual?"

That gets his attention, or rather unfortunately diverts it from doing decadent things to my sensitive flesh. He lifts his head to find my lust laden gaze, his similar to mine. Clearing his throat, he drags a hand through his unruly hair. "I hadn't really thought it all through, but yes… I think I'm mostly gay. I've been with a handful of women as you know, and enjoyed sex with them somewhat. But it was never great. It never felt how good I now know that it can feel. It was like I was a vegetarian living on tofu. I didn't know what I was missing, I just thought I wasn't a very sexual person. But then once I got a taste of meat; hamburger with Riley, and fuck, Jasper, you're like the best cut of steak even fucking possible… Well, let's just say that I don't want to so much as even look at tofu ever again, let alone eat it. Shit… I'm sticking with steak. Does that answer your question?"

I can't help but laugh. _Steak?_ "Steak, Edward? I'm steak?"

"Fuck, yeah…filet mignon, actually. Remember that really expensive steak we had at the needle restaurant a few years ago that practically melted in our mouths. We groaned through the entire meal. It sounded like we were having sex and we got to laughing about it?"

How could I ever forget? We'd gone there on a whim after seeing a movie. Edward had looked so gorgeous in his jeans and jade button down that brought out his eyes. It had felt so intimate, like we were on a date or something, and I'd struggled to keep reminding myself of how that could never be. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do remember. Best steak of my life…"

"That's you, sweetheart. You're filet mignon at the needle restaurant. And I don't want any other steak…or tofu… or chicken or pork or fish… for as long as I live. You've ruined me for anything else."

_That just might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! I'm Edward's steak…_

I practically growl as I pull him to me. We quickly get lost in wet kisses and wandering hands.

"Fuck, Jas… take me to bed…" he whimpers between swipes of my tongue against his. And that's exactly what I do.

Somehow we make it to the bed. How we manage without taking our mouths and hands from one another, I'm not sure. Already naked, seeing as how our pants didn't make it past the stairs, we begin a slow relentless grind, me on top of his flushed body, my legs so snug between his, our cocks moving together in such an intimate dance. I could cum just like this… right now. But I want this time to be different. As desperate for him, as lost in my need for his body as I am, a different need wins out. A need to take things slowly, to show him with every touch how very much I love him and how much I always will.

So I force myself to slow down, stop the thrust of my hips against his, reign in the force at which I devour his mouth with mine. He catches on quickly, seeming as content as am I to draw our time together out as long as possible. I settle on my side facing him. We look and barely touch each other for what feels like forever. Finally, I can no longer keep my mouth from his. Or the rest of him for that matter, as I set out to kiss every inch of him. I start with his soft pouty lips, and then brush along his scruffy jaw to his long graceful neck. I find his nipples to be as sensitive as ever, his moans escalating the longer I suckle there. His happy trail leads me to where my mouth craves the most, but I bypass his already leaking cock, as I kiss down one leg to make my way back up the other. I then instruct him to roll over on his stomach as I kneel in awe above him at the sight of his muscular back and legs, and perfectly curved ass. He is so incredibly beautiful, all soft and supple skin, smooth and practically hairless.

"So beautiful, baby… you're so beautiful," I tell him. I'll never tire of telling him.

My lips follow shortly, kissing down from his shoulders to his heels. But on my way back up I stall at his soft cheeks, and I cannot stop myself from pulling them apart to reveal his precious hole. He quivers with his need to be kissed there also.

"Oh fuck, Jasper… please."

"Please what, baby? Tell me what you need..." I know damned well what he needs, but I want to hear it. Need to hear him say it, to beg for me. I continue to squeeze his perfect ass, my thumbs resting to rub over his hole as I wait through his labored breaths for his reply.

"Yes, fuck yes… there… please. Right there…" he moans now, jutting his ass up to grant me better access.

"Rub you here, like this?" I tease with my husky words, and with my thumb brushing across his puckered flesh there so lightly.

He whimpers and writhes. "No…kiss there… suck there… please, love…"

_Oh, fuck…_ The ache in my neglected cock increases and I swear I feel the buzz of impending climax just at the sensuous sound of my boy begging for me. Begging for me to do such carnal things to him.

Slowly I lower to gently kiss his hole, first with just my lips before adding my tongue. My thumb and my tongue then take turns caressing him there, and he's fucking the bed so hard that I fear he'll cum before I make it inside, before I bury my needy cock inside of him. I force myself to stop my oral ministrations and move my hands to grasp his hips, holding him still, because I can tell by his moans that he is already so very fucking close.

"Slow down, baby. It's not time yet. Not until I'm inside you, darlin'."

His chuckle has a hard, desperate edge, "Well, then don't call me darlin'. That'll surely make me cum."

Laying myself on top of him, my aching cock nestling so perfectly between the cheeks of his ass as I nuzzle my face into his neck, I whisper in his ear, "Is that so… darlin'?"

"Fuck, Jas!" He practically squeals as he thrusts into the mattress before returning to grind his ass against my cock. I know I'm tempting fate… but it's so worth the risk to hear him so helpless, feel him so fraught beneath me, because of me and what I do to him Because of what I say to him.

I kiss him along his shoulders and neck, pushing up to look down at my cock so red and engorged as it glides along his crack, between his cheeks, leaking pre-cum, slicking him for me. It would be so easy to slip inside him just like this. Bare.

I've never fucked anyone without a condom before. Never even considered it. Until now. This is Edward. And I want to make love to him so badly with no latex barriers to diminish the sensations, to dull the intimacy and meaning of finally making love. To him. With Edward.

I've had myself tested regularly, even twice in the year since I've been with anyone. But I owe him more than taking him like this in the heat of the moment. With my dick so hard that it hurts, so close to his beckoning chasm. With my mind and heart drunk on my seasoned emotions, emotions that magnify every moment spent with him like this. He deserves a conversation about such a decision, when our heads are clear and our bodies not so desperate for release.

But he grinds against me so deliciously, his thoughts seem to mirror my own as he positions his ass high against my dick, as if he's trying to rub his entrance along its head. He pulls himself up the bed slightly and begins wiggling his ass so that the tip of my dick is right at his entrance. _Unghhh_… I slip inside just slightly and he moans, pushing back on me more.

What the fuck is he doing? He moves as if he's trying to work me inside. But he's not been properly prepped. And I don't have a condom on yet.

I'm flush on top of him and I can feel every inch of his skin below mine; it takes every ounce of restraint I can muster to not thrust forward. That's all it would take and I'd be buried inside him, just me and him.

A guttural moan escapes me. He twists beneath me just enough to capture my mouth with his, biting at my bottom lip and then fucking my mouth with his tongue. His hands find both of mine on either side of us, entwining our fingers, and he continues to work his ass so that I'm barely inside him but deepening bit by bit. My entire throbbing head is practically within him now and he feels so tight. So right.

I can't fight this anymore. "What are you doing, Edward? What…"

"I need you like this, Jasper. Please… make love to me like this. I want you to cum inside me. I need to feel your cum inside me…"

I can't refuse him anything when he begs me like this. I can't deny him something that I yearn for so deeply myself.

"Yes…"

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry to end it there! But these boys just threw that one at me at the last minute cuz they both feel it's time to have sex with no condoms... so I should have the next chapter about their first time bare and Edward's departure up within a couple of weeks.<strong>

**I'll also be able to post my T4T Christmas Wishes one-shot **_**Last Christmas**_** next week, so if you want to know when it's up, or future fics I hope to write, put me on author alert if you haven't already. :-)**

**I'm in total awe – I've been nominated for the Sunflower Award for Best Jasper. Squeeeeeee! Check out all the amazing nominations at the link below. Or there's still time to make some nominations of your own if you want. **

**Thesunflowerawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2011/10/nominations (dot) html**

**And here's a couple recs of stories I love:**

_**Always**_** by sue273 – www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7073954/1/**

_**Sinners Island**_** by twistedfortwilight – www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7406265/1/Sinners_Island**

_**Behind Blue Eyes**_** by mkmmsm - ****www (dot) fanfiction**** (dot) net/s/7594284/1/Behind_Blue_Eyes**

_**Double Down**_** by sadtomato – ****www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7691638/1/Double_Down**

_**A Roll in the Hay**_** by RampantChaos11 – www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7505293/1/A_Roll_In_The_Hay**


	10. Here In Your Perfect Eyes

**Thanks go again to my wonderful beta harritwifan for helping to make this and every chapter happen.**

**The song for this chapter is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 10 – Here In Your Perfect Eyes<strong>

**Jpov**

"Yes…" _Yes, baby… want this… need you so badly. _

But I must be sure that he is sure.

He moans as he continues to attempt to slip me inside. "Oh fuck, Jas. Yes…"

I've never felt anything so incredible…

_But wait…_I have to ask. "Baby… wait… are you sure… absolutely sure?" I don't want him to ever regret anything between us and this is some serious shit.

"I'm sure. Please. Need you inside, now…" he begs. But I can't just yet… his body is not ready to fully receive me.

As difficult as it is, I pull my hands from his where they are still entwined beside us. Grasping his hips, I attempt to halt his delicious movement. With a groan, he stops the grinding of his ass beneath me. My dick remains just barely embraced by his welcoming heat. And I can't fucking think straight from the exquisite pressure, the intense sensation of his entrance around the end of my cock. Lube… we need lube, and lots of it. But not until I make certain that his request isn't just a lust induced whim.

He continues desperately, "It's okay, love. This is right… this is right for us. I was tested just a couple of months ago…to be sure I'd be safe, before starting my life with you. And I know _you've_ been tested recently. How many times, Jas?"

He knows me so well. "Twice since you've been gone."

He shifts beneath me so that I'm still lying on his back yet partially off to the side. I groan at the loss of connection, the loss of his tight hole squeezing the head of my cock. Smiling so sweetly, he kisses me just right. He knows. He feels it, too.

"That's my Jas… always so_ anal_ about being tested…" he snickers. Is he actually snickering? As I lie here panting, rallying every ounce of self-control, trying not to enter him right the fuck now? But I can't even be upset with him. He's just too damned adorable… and happy. Happy here with me. Happy and asking me to make love to him as intimately as possible. _Fuck_, I don't know what swells more; my heart in my chest that beats so rapidly just for him or my throbbing cock that now brushes his thigh.

He murmurs between kisses, "It's okay, love. I want this with you. Only ever you, Jas," soft lips caressing, tongue barely touching mine.

"Only you," I whimper. He reaches back between our bodies to grasp my length, urging it toward where we both so badly need it to be. All the while shimmying back beneath me.

"Edward. I love you so much. But your body isn't ready for me, baby... and I fear that I'll cum as soon as I'm inside you."

"Mmmnnn... That sounds so fucking good, Jas. I can't wait until you cum inside me. But if it makes you feel better I'll get you off first… before we make love. That way you can keep your beautiful cock inside my ass, naked inside me for long as possible… until you can't hold off any longer, until you cum again, until you pump my full..."

"Oh fuck, Edward, yes!" The fucking mouth on my boy just gets dirtier and dirtier. Better and better.

He slides down and out from under me, rolling us on our sides to face each other, taking my cock in his scorching mouth before I even know what's hit me. And again I'm astonished at how good he is at this already. He sucks me almost all the way in, swirling his tongue, moaning as he does. I look down at him with my cock in his mouth. Fucking hottest thing I've ever seen.

Gently fisting his hair, I guide him to bob up and down. "You look so good with your pretty lips wrapped around my cock." My words spur him on. His moans drown out my own as he grasps my thighs to the point of pain. The sweetest pain I've ever felt.

What will make me cum first? The feel of his moist suction enticing such sweet sensations through me? The sight of him making love to my cock with his mouth? Or the fevered sounds that escape him? Giving me head does this to him. And that thought almost causes my orgasm to begin. I feel the delicious burn in my balls grow to a maddening degree. But he changes technique, wrapping his hand around my length, pumping up and down so smoothly. Slick with his saliva, his hand silkily glides with sweet pressure, and all the while he's flicking his tongue along my tip.

Somehow I manage coherent words, words that convey my desire to suck him as he sucks me, together. "God, Edward… so close. So good. You're gonna make me cum. Want to taste you. Come here so that I can taste you, too… at the same time… need you." He understands and positions himself so that his cock is right in front of my face. So beautiful. Another fantasy I've had of him about to become reality. _Fuck._

I reach for him, placing my tongue at the thick base of his cock, licking my way up like it's a lollipop - the most delicious I've ever tasted. When I reach the head, his rich flavor assaults my senses. So, so much pre-cum has gathered there. It's delicious and he's whimpering beneath my ministrations; my sucking and licking and kissing and fondling.

"Yes, love… shit, so good." I find his gaze on me, mesmerized as he watches me. And then he takes my aching length in his mouth once more, mimicking what I've been doing to him. His sucking and licking and kissing and fondling feel so fucking good. We lay here together, tasting each other.

Allowing the saliva to pool in my mouth and dribble down his cock as I suck, I slicken two fingers and slip them between his legs to find his puckered hole. He spreads his legs for me, thrusting against my fingers, moaning around my cock so loud and needy. He is still loosened up from my tongue moments ago, allowing my fingers to slip inside his ass so easily as I penetrate him with slow deliberate strokes in rhythm with my mouth sucking up and down on his cock. But before long I can no longer concentrate, can no longer reciprocate his oral attentions. I lay back and give in to the many sensations and emotions that overwhelm me. My fingers remain inside his ass, gently massaging his swollen prostate, causing him to thrust against me, moaning around my cock so snug in his wet mouth.

I can feel my body tense with my imminent release. I can taste my boy on my tongue as I painfully bite at my lip. I can hear myself moaning his name loudly, unable to reign my passion in. With one last burst of strength, I lift myself up on my elbows to watch what I know will happen very soon, and I warn him of my cum that is sure to fill his mouth.

"Edward! Fuck! Cumming!"

My pulsating cock erupts into his awaiting mouth, splashing his lips and hand as he strokes me through my spasms. His other hand presses firmly on my stomach as if he knows that he needs to ground me to the bed, to him, as I writhe beneath him through the magnificent shock waves that travel through my body. So intense at my groin, they descend through every nerve to finally end as light whispers in my fingers and toes. I collapse back onto the bed, spent, so sensitive as he licks me clean. Once he seems content that he has savored every drop, he begins placing light kisses on my inner thighs.

As my breathing returns to normal, I open my eyes to his very reddened, swollen cock just inches away, it's head now a beautiful reddish-purple tint. As I lick the tip clean and suck it in my mouth, I resume thrusting my fingers inside him, preparing his hole for me. Edward whimpers and pushes into my mouth. I think he might cum, but he pulls away, rolling on his back instead.

"Fuck, Jas. I don't want to cum until you're deep inside me. Please make love to me… now, love. I need you…"

No more reassurances need to be made. It is just him and me from here on out and therefore it shall be when we make love. Especially then.

I help him to situate beneath me, in my arms at first as we gaze into each other's eyes. My mouth finds his, and choked up as I am, our moment overwhelms me. Tongues massaging slowly, I feel myself trembling at the emotions that swirl between us, telling of the commitment my love has asked to make with me tonight. With me forever. I cannot contain the tears that fall from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks, falling across his. Such happy tears. It feels so damn good.

He wipes them away as our kiss deepens, quickly becoming that of raw desire and need. Breathless, I pull away just enough to murmur into his gasping mouth, "Edward, I've never done this before…"

"I know, my love. Thank you for saving this for me… for each other… only ever each other."

Resting my forehead to his I reach for the lube, never taking my eyes from the wonderment and anticipation that radiates from his green. Once he is slick and ready for me I lube myself, amazed at how hard my cock already is and that I'm readying myself bare to make love to Edward. My dick pulses in my hand in anticipation and I'm afraid that once I'm buried within his body, literally flesh to flesh for the first time with Edward, with anyone, I won't be able to control my body's reactions. Hopefully the fact that I just came moments ago will help, but I'm so fucking hard and aching. I just don't know how long I will last.

Nuzzling my boy's neck, I position just right between his legs, laying open mouthed kisses along his deliciously scruffy jaw. Looking into his eyes, I rub my slickened cock against his. He whimpers beneath me, tearing his eyes from mine to look down at where our cocks grind together. As I join his gaze, I gasp at the erotic sight of us. His engorged cock is leaking and looks almost painful. I take it in my hand, stroking it to try to ease his discomfort, but he grabs my hand away as his mouth finds mine.

Open, hot, wet we kiss so fucking slowly, our tongues attempting to express the depth of our feelings. With heavy breaths. he pulls away just enough to moan into my mouth, "Please… Jasper… need you inside me now… so badly…" He spreads his legs, pulling them up around me as he begs. _Fuck. _

Resting my forehead on his shoulder, looking down his beautiful body again, I take my erection in hand and rub it along his hole before easing myself inside. The pleasure of his body's hot, tight embrace on my naked cock assaults me. I have to stop halfway in, grasping him to me, trying to control the ragged breaths that seem to rip from my chest against my will. Lovingly he rubs up and down my back, soothing me with his lust filled voice, "Shhhhhh love. It's okay. You feel so good, Jas… so fucking good. Just take your time."

Finally I'm able to continue my descent, reveling in the feel of him so raw around me, permeating my flesh, and so intense compared to anything I've felt before. And then I'm there, all the way inside of him and trembling in his arms, as he trembles in mine.

"Jasper, love, so good… fuck," his whimpering continues, muted into my open mouth as we kiss. I begin to move. And all I can do is groan against his tongue as I plunge in and out of his ass, so overcome by the feel of his body around my cock, beneath me, surrounding me within his strong arms. He is everywhere. He is everything.

He becomes desperate beneath me, grasping at my back with frantic fingers as he falls apart. From our joining, our union, our connection. From the feel of my cock stroking his insides just right. From the head of my cock hitting his gland with each thrust. I have yet to take his straining erection in hand, as neither of us can reach due to the hold we have on each other. Yet the friction our stomachs supply as he moves between us must be enough, because his whining reaches a fevered pitch and I can just make out his fervored words, "Love… you… cumming!" His cock pulses between us, spraying us with his warm fluids as he holds me impossibly closer. I continue to move inside him, feeling his ass spasm around me, coaxing my own orgasm with such sweet waves of tightened heat. Yet, I hold off, not ready to give in, not ready to give up the amazing sensations that burn through me.

He finally collapses beneath me, still moaning and trying to catch his breath. My cock aches so deliciously, yet I halt my movement and still inside him to pepper light kisses across his face and neck. He begins returning my kisses, whispering words of love and gratitude for making him feel so good, so special.

"No, baby… Edward. Thank you for everything, for so many things I never expected, could have never even imagined."

"You still haven't cum…keep going, please," is his reply.

Our lips again meet in gentle caresses. I take his bottom lip between my teeth, barely nibbling, eliciting such sweet moans from my boy's throat, and such a maddening grind from his ass. But the mood has slightly shifted as a calm settles over us. The previous frenzy of our lovemaking has become more tender and relaxed as I slowly pull almost all the way out from inside his snug entrance, the head of my cock just barely hugged by his ring of muscles. As I slide back in, a throaty groan rumbles from deep within my chest and my mouth begins telling of all the thoughts that flash within my mind. "Fuck… Edward… so tight, baby. You're so fucking tight… warm… beautiful. Love you. So much. So good. Fuck, Edward… so much… so good…"

He returns my gaze, blanketing me in his love and adoration. In awe, he watches me move above him, within him, taking him, claiming him, loving him back with every fiber of my being.

Pushing his legs up and hooking them in front of my arms, I urge him to open himself up to me even wider, to take me deeper, as deep as possible. He knows exactly what I ask, what I need, and as I prop myself above him supported by arms, I pump steadily into him, kissing him the entire time. Sometimes our tongues just barely flick, when I'm so lost in the sensation of the tingling at the base of my spine to do anything but keep up the rhythm of my thrusts. Soon my kisses are mostly replaced with grunts and sighs into his open mouth. And he takes them within himself, each as a precious gift, just as he receives me deep inside. My climax chases me to the brink, finally finding me as my body tenses with one last powerful thrust. And then I'm paralyzed, locked above him, inside him, as his body milks me of every last drop. And I'm moaning his name over and over again. I feel as if I can barely draw breath by the time my intense orgasm begins to subside, as I'm falling, collapsing on my boy. My heart. My life.

I immediately feel how hard he is between us. And I feel how slick my cock inside him feels as I'm still buried there. So I briefly find his lips, first telling of how much I love him with my tongue against his, then with words that do not do this justice. There are no words that are enough. But I try.

"Edward, I love you… so much. Thank you for trusting me with your body. Thank you for sharing yourself with me like this."

"I love you, too, Jas… forever." His voice is husky as he whispers, and then he's kissing me urgently, and grinding his hard cock between us. My boy needs to cum again.

Kneeling with him still spread for me, I rub the backs of his thighs, holding his bent legs up as I watch in awe the sight of my cum beginning to slip from his used hole. "Fuck, Edward! You're so beautiful like this… I want to see you like this every day, with me dripping from you like this."

"Yes, Jasper… so right… every day."

Without asking, I know what he needs. I gently massage his hole and spread my cum up over his tightening balls to his engorged dick, stroking quickly, firmly. Immediately he is straining and quivering, on the edge of another release. Leaning over him, I lay light kisses on his abdomen, loving him as my fist continues to give him the friction he needs, fast and hard. And then he's arching off the bed, grasping the sheets, screaming my name, spilling all over my hand and his abdomen and chest. His beautiful eyes stay latched on mine until he is spent. And then they flutter closed briefly before opening back up to find mine once more.

I clean the remnants of our lovemaking from our bodies and lay beside him. We are quiet for long moments, just basking in the afterglow, caressing each other with exploring fingers and wondering eyes. When not feathering over my chest, face, or arms, Edward's hand rests on my tattoo of his key, tracing there. Yet he barely takes his perfect eyes from mine. They're all I can see. And I'm amazed by the way he looks at me, how he sees me. All that I am. All that I ever was. And when I see myself as he does through his breathtaking green depths, I so want to be that man. This man. I vow to always be him for Edward. Because of Edward.

Finally my dear boy's eyelashes flutter closed. Mine soon follow, not to reopen until morning.

Edward lies beside me just as last night, watching me. But the smile on his lips does not reach his eyes. The realization snaps me awake.

"What's the matter, baby?"

"Two weeks, Jasper. After the last few days… and then last night… two weeks just seems so fucking long."

I reach up to caress his face, attempting to smooth the sadness from his features. He needs me to reassure him right now. Not remind him of how very wrecked I am about him leaving.

"I know, baby. But it'll be okay. We'll be okay. And you'll be back home before we know it."

"Back to you… you are my home."

"And this is your home. _Here_ with me."

"Yes."

"So you'll move in here… live with me?"

"Oh, Jas. Hell, yes! I'd love to live here with you. Thank you."

"No, Edward… thank _you_."

"No, Jasper… thank _you_."

Then we're hugging and giggling like little girls. But our innocent touches become heated. Our giggling turns into moaning as my mouth captures his. Then his neck. Then his nipples must get equal attention. And I mustn't forget his cock, all hot and hard for me.

But before I have my fill of him in my mouth, down my throat until he's cumming like I want, he's dragging me to the shower where we take our time lathering every inch of each other. Meticulously, lovingly, so slowly.

As the suds lubricate him for me and he swells in my hand once more, he asks me to make love to him one more time before he leaves. _Ofcourse, baby, please…_

He turns around, leaning against the tiled wall, placing one foot up on the bench seat, pushing his ass out and back against me, grinding decadently against my erection. My fuck-hot boy. So ready. So willing.

I barely have the restraint to prepare him with trembling fingers before I'm slipping inside his welcoming warmth. Our slick bodies move together perfectly as I thrust into him, gripping his slim waist and looking down to where we are joined. I'm overwhelmed by the sight of my dick repeatedly disappearing within him, bare again. So I wrap myself around him, grasping his shoulders as leverage, pulling him back against me as I fuck him to the brink of climax. As mine builds suddenly, burn kindling throughout my body, I reach for his rock hard cock. Stroking him furiously, I beg of him, "Cum for me, Edward… cum with me. Now, please!"

And he does. We do. We cum together long and hard, moaning each other's names until we're clinging to each other, spent and sated.

After kicking me out of the shower, he appears minutes later minus the sexy scruff. Handsome, smooth clean-cut Edward in its place. The way he usually looks, always insistent on being professional. The way he looked when I first fell in love with him. He takes my breath away as always, only now he is mine.

The morning passes in a blur, far too quickly. Before I know it, we are making our way toward the door when he stops and pulls out his phone, insisting on taking a few pictures of us together now, like this. We squeeze together, his arm extended with his phone, and I can't help but nuzzle into his newly smooth cheek for the first pic. Next, he gets one of us kissing. Then one of us smiling, too.

Looking at the pictures with a huge grin lighting his features, he says, "These just might hold me over. I'll look at them every chance I get."

"And I will too, baby. Send them to me. And we'll talk, and text, and skype."

We're quiet in the car, our hands clasped between us the entire time, which makes maneuvering through traffic difficult at times. But I'm not letting go of my boy until absolutely necessary. Edward just smiles as I park in the parking garage to accompany him as he checks in for his flight. But finally it is time for him to go through security, and it is there that I realize that Edward has held my hand since we got out of the car too, and throughout the airport. In public. We haven't discussed how _out_ he is ready to be, but he seems unphased as he stands here holding my hand, his boyfriend's hand, which causes a smile that I cannot contain to cover my face. He then surprises me yet again as he gently grabs the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss that would make most blush. Hell, it makes me blush!

Leaning our foreheads together, we whisper our love and assurances. And then he is gone. Out of sight, but definitely not out of mind.

He, of course, is all that is on my mind as I drive home alone, feeling lost without him. Like a piece of myself is missing, as silent tears run down my face. I've turned into such a fucking girl and I don't even give a shit. I just want my boy – now and finally, my boyfriend – back in my arms for good. How did I live the last seven months without him in my life? And even the five years before that, when I had him in my life but not how I needed him to be, how I wanted him to be?

My loft…our loft feels so empty on my return. It is completely devoid of life without my boy's radiant presence.

I put the comforter that Edward insisted be washed into the dryer. He'd relented and let me keep the sheets on the bed so that I could smell him, smell us while he's gone. But I'd finally given in and let him put the comforter in the washing machine.

My mood lightens slightly and my dick hardens to full-on hard-on when I remember the surprise I slipped into Edward's luggage, when I imagine watching him use it on himself later when we skype. _Fuck! _I lay on the couch and touch myself to the images that assault me. Within minutes I'm cumming all over my abdomen and chest.

It's dark outside and I've received multiple texts from Edward that he's landed and made it to his cousin's before I force myself to go upstairs, to our empty bedroom. I've been dreading the space without him here, fearing I'll miss him even more, but his smell that lingers in the air and on the sheets comforts me. I sit on the bed and close my eyes, imagining he's within arm's reach, about to embrace me, about to beg for me again.

A sheet of paper catches my attention when I finally open my eyes. My hopes are answered that it is indeed a note from Edward, a tangible item as proof that he was here. That he is mine. And I'm reassured that he feels for me as I do him yet again with his simple, yet breathtaking words.

**Jas, Take care of my heart, I've left it with you. Edward**

* * *

><p><strong>Hmmnnn… what might Jasper have slipped into Edwards luggage? Any ideas?<strong>

**The next posting will hopefully be around Valentine's Day, a little future-take of the boys' first Valentine's Day together. Jasper just might have a very important question for his Edward. And how might these dear boys help their friends Emmett and Rose?**

**I also recently posted my second story Last Christmas, which I will occasionally add chapters to, but not as regularly as In the Corner.**

**I just have to say that I am so amazed and thankful to have been nominated among incredibly talented slash writers, some of my favorites, in a few contests being held right now:**

**For Best Jasper in The Sunflower Awards. Voting is now open – thesunflowerawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2009/07/voting (dot) html **

**For Best All Around Story(The Rising Star Award) and for Best Author(The Rising Star Award) in The Hidden Star Awards – ****thehiddenstarawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/not-yet-but-add-us-so-you-will-receive (dot) html**

**For Most Promising Slash Fanfiction in the Engergize WIP Awards, and harritwifan was also nominated for Most Motivational Beta – energizewipawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2011/09/nominees (dot) html**


	11. A Night to Remember

**Happy Valentine's Day! Here's a future-take of the boys' first Valentine's Day set about six and a half months ahead of where they currently are in the story. **

**harritwifan rocked her beta magic for me, again. Thanks hon! But I should mention that I play with each chapter a bit even after she returns them to me, so all mistakes are mine!**

**I'm so, so sorry that I didn't respond to your wonderful, inspiring reviews from the last chapter. Real life has been hard and I've been in a rush to get this chapter done by today. Your reviews mean so much to me! I read each one over and over! And I promise to usually respond.**

**The song that I listened to so many times while writing this chapter (and the boys listen to it too - you'll see) is **_**Let's Make a Night to Remember**_** by Bryan Adams. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

**Ch.11 – First Valentine's Day Future-take - A Night to Remember**

**Jpov**

_Shit. _I'm so late. And happy. And nervous.

It's Valentine's Day. Our first Valentine's Day together. Well, together - together. Not just as friends, but really together. Not with me secretly in love with him. Because now I am so very openly in love with him as he is with me. And we'll just forget the hell that was last Valentine's Day; me in a drunken stupor practically writhing in my pain for him.

Not even memories of that dark time can ruin my good mood today. Edward is cooking us dinner. He insisted on a romantic dinner at home, just the two of us. Which is perfect for what I have planned.

I'm supposed to be home by now, but I had one last stop to make to ensure that tonight is perfect. As if it could be anything less than perfect with Edward in my life, truly in my life in every way.

I can smell the delicious Italian spices of Edward's Chicken Cacciatore before I make it through the door of our loft. Damn, my man can cook! But I am met with the unexpected sounds of a woman crying. Rose is crying? Rose is here, and crying? _What the hell?_

She sits weeping into her manicured hands on the couch with Edward attempting to sooth her, gently rubbing her back. I'm at a loss. I've never seen Rose cry before. Not in the six years she's been my agent, most of that time as my dear friend. With a panicked look on his face, Edward looks up to find me as if to say, _Help me out here. I don't know what the fuck to do!_

I tread lightly as I approach her to sit on the other side of her crumpled form. I don't know what the fuck to do either!

"Rose, honey… what's the matter, sweetie?" My words cause her to look up from her hands, her gorgeous face a slobbering mess. And a new wave of wailing begins when she sees the single red rose wrapped up all pretty with Baby's Breath that I'd even forgotten I'm holding. I hand it to Edward with an apologetic look on my face as Rose practically crawls into my embrace, continuing to sob. Edward sneaks in an adorable sniff of his flower, of which he is quite obviously thrilled by, as I hold Rose and attempt to comfort her, still not sure what is causing her such distress. This is so not how I'd imagined my return playing out, but I squelch my selfish misgivings to tend to my friend.

I can finally make out the strangled words she manages between sobs as "Emmett" and "It's over". _Fuck_. They are almost as inseparable as Edward and I. No wonder she's such a mess. But wait… what did the big oaf do to cause her such pain, to hurt her like this? _Shit._ Some heads are gonna fucking roll, probably mine if I attempt to kick Em's ass. But I will do just that if he's done anything – _anything_ out of line where Rose is concerned.

Suddenly she sits up, wipes the tears from her face, her normal calm and calculated expression replacing the pained one. In words far too controlled and emotionless, she simply states, "I think I just broke up with Emmett. Yes… I did, didn't I? I dumped him."

"Okaayee…" I still don't know what else to say and before I can think she's up off the couch and pacing. And poor Edward sits looking at me wide-eyed, shrugging. He and Rose get along just fine but have never been what one might call close. I know my boy is feeling terribly uncomfortable, also as Emmett's friend. So I nod toward the kitchen, silently suggesting he excuse himself. And as with all of our silent conversations, he understands completely.

Tentatively standing, clutching his single rose to his chest, he mumbles, "Um… I'm just going to go check on dinner and give you two a chance to talk." But before turning for the kitchen he walks over to Rose, in front of her actually, so that she has no choice but to stop her pacing and look at him. "Rosalie… whatever this is about, I'm sure it will be okay. I'm sure you two can work it out. You belong together, and I personally know that some people are worth fighting for." He glances over to me and then leaves us both gaping after him.

Rose seems to contemplate his words before turning to me. "He forgot Valentine's Day, Jas… made plans with some friends and left me sitting without a second thought. And after the catastrophe that was our anniversary and not a word on my birthday, I just lost it. I marched into the bar and poured his beer over his head and told him that I never want to see him again. Do you think I overreacted?"

_Maybe just a little?_ "Rose, I don't know. But I do know that you treat him like a King. And you deserve to be treated as well as you treat him. You deserve the best and if he's taking you for granted…"

"That's just it… he loves me. I know that he does. He just doesn't say it often, or do special things like I do for him. And then he pulls shit like this. He's so completely clueless and I'm tired of having to point out the obvious to him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who I constantly have to point out the obvious to. Do you know what I mean?"

Before I can tell her that I agree with her one hundred percent, we are interrupted by a loud pounding at the door and a very distraught, muffled voice that can only belong to a very agitated Emmett. Yes, we have a doorbell. And of course Em would resort to beating the door down before simply pushing a little button.

Everything next happens in a blur around me as Rose runs for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, and Edward races toward the front door to let Em in. But Rose has peeked her head out from the bathroom, yelling, "Tell him I'm not here and that if I were I would not want to see him," before slamming the door, again.

I rush over to help Edward contain the tornado that surely will be Emmett.

But I'm too late as a very disheveled Em, wet Em, reeking of beer Em, barrels through the door as soon as Edward has so much as turned the knob. Poor Edward gets knocked into the wall, not hard enough to cause injury I don't think, but he appears slightly dazed. So I run to my boy to make sure he's okay. He just smiles at me as he takes my hand, managing to melt my heart even amidst such chaos.

I pull him with me to find Emmett and sort this out. Together we can help our friends make this right. I just know they belong together as Edward and I do. And I need to get my boy alone to ask him what I need to ask and to do the things that I so badly need to do. I need to feel him near me, with me, under me, to reassure the uneasiness that is spreading like wild fire in my gut due to this terrible scene between our friends. Our very madly in love friends. _What the fuck is happening?_ I don't know what I'd do if it were Edward and myself fighting like this. Possibly breaking up. These two dear souls that I know to love each other so much. Yet they are about to lose each other forever if they haven't already. I think I'm going to be sick.

We find Emmett leaning up against the bathroom door, forehead to the wood, pleading with Rose to come out or to let him come in. Something. Anything. "Okay, baby… I'm not leaving until you come out and we talk this through. I love you, Rosalie. I'm not quitting us… I'm not." He joins us in the living room, crumpling into the overstuffed leather chair that sits adjacent to the couch. He looks completely defeated as he holds his head in his hands. "I really fucked up this time, guys. I forgot that it's Valentine's Day and I'd promised to make it special, to make things up to her. Why do I fuck everything up?"

Edward walks over to him, trying to reassure him. "Emmett, you don't fuck everything up. You're a good guy. She's just really upset, but she'll calm down." I can see that this scene is upsetting him, too. He loves Em like a brother and I'm sure it pains him to see Em in pain.

"No, Edward. This is all my fault. I keep fucking things up with her and I think it's because… yes, it is because I'm scared. I'm scared shitless by how much I love her. This is it. _She_ is it. I have to get her to forgive me and then somehow convince her to marry my sorry ass. I'm nothing without her."

Just then we hear a sharp intake of breath coming from the direction of the bathroom. Rose is standing in the open door, hand covering her mouth, tears running down her cheeks again. But the sparkle is back in her eyes and as she moves her hand from her face, her graceful smile lights up the room.

"Oh, Em…" she calls to him, holding out her arms.

"Rosie…" he answers, running to her and scooping her up. She wraps her legs around his waist as they kiss. And kiss. And kiss.

The kissing continues and becomes practically obscene. I'm beginning to feel as if we're imposing in our own home as Edward takes me into his arms, whispering to me, suggesting we leave our Valentine's dinner to Rose and Em, for us to leave our place to them for a bit to ensure their reconciliation continues. God, I love my thoughtful boy. He's perfect. He's mine.

He says he needs something from upstairs and runs to get it, so I check on the food. My breath hitches in my throat when I see the dinner he has prepared for us all set out and perfect on the table. And even though it is no longer our dinner, it's the thought that counts. He makes everything perfect. He is perfect.

He finds me with a smile on my face and he knows. I know he knows how much our almost-dinner means to me. Hand in hand we head toward the door, my free hand feeling in my pocket to ensure my treasure is safe and sound. We tell Rose and Em to enjoy the dinner as a Valentine's Day and work-your-shit-out present from us. They of course attempt to refuse, but we insist, and before we can make it out of the loft their kissing resumes.

Once outside, I pull Edward to me and nuzzle into his glorious neck. I'm feeling shaken and need him close. "Well… kind-of-strange turn of events. Sorry about your dinner, baby."

He holds me in his arms, wrapping his long coat around us both, even though I'm still wearing my leather jacket, never having had a chance to take if off. "It doesn't matter, love. I've got you. That's all that matters… you're all that I ever need." He kisses me soft and tender, but once his tongue finds mine the lust induced haze begins to consume us as it always does. The not so subtle clearing of a passerby's throat brings us back to reality, the unfortunate reality that we are currently standing in the street, on Valentine's Day no less, and I can't take my boy to bed immediately as I so badly need to. We pull our mouths apart breathlessly, foreheads together, smiling our knowing smiles that are only for each other. Only ever each other.

"How about we go back to where it all began. Where you found me and then where I finally found you - only it took me a while to catch up…" Frowning, he looks down, ashamed again. I don't think he'll ever forgive himself for making me wait. _Oh, baby… _

"Hey, look at me, baby. You were so worth the wait. I'd do it all over again. A thousand times if it brought me to this. If it brought me you."

His frown becomes his smile, his for-only-me smile. And suddenly dinner doesn't seem necessary. I'm hungry for so much more. But he insists that we eat, so we walk to the bar - our bar. We end up here so often, in our corner. Same food. Same place. But our corner is special to us both. And it is the perfect place to spend Valentine's Day. It is the perfect place to ask him. But I'm nervous. As my hand repeatedly finds my pocket, caressing the small velvet box nestled there, I just can't form the words that need to be said. What if it is too soon? What if he's not ready?

He too seems to have something on his mind, his eyes constantly finding mine with their sparkle of wonderful things to come. We eat in comfortable silence, hands clasped between us most of the time, and before I know it we're walking home and I've missed my chance.

Neither one of us expects our friends to still be there. I can't wait to start a fire, maybe slow dance with my boy, working up the nerve to get down on one knee, hopefully securing his hand before making slow love to him all night.

And I need him to make love to me, regardless of what his answer is. I'm still the usual top and my boy my needy bottom, but it's so nice to finally experience and enjoy the type of lovemaking I'll only ever experience with Edward. Lovemaking during which I give up the control I usually insist on maintaining, trusting him with total ownership, total possession of my body. And damn, can he possess me so well. _Fuck_, my dick hardens just at the thought.

But on returning, we are met with noises never meant for human ears when we open the door and attempt to walk inside. Almost as quickly as Edward has begun to hold the door open for me, he pulls it shut and we both break out in laughter, like teenagers that have just walked in on our parents or something. It is quite obvious that Rose and Em have not yet vacated the premises, but more importantly it is obvious that the kissing continued and became much more, which would mean their reconciliation is thus far successful. I can't even feel put out.

"Now what?" Edward stares at me with his undress me eyes. _Fuck._

"Hotel. Now." I growl as I pull him along behind me.

Forty five minutes later we're checked into a room at the Grand Hyatt. By some grace of god they had vacancies on Valentine's Day, probably due to it being during the week, but still, I'm surprised.

My _make slow love to Edward _playlist is playing and he is swaying in my arms. More often than not we end up listening to my _fuck Edward hard _playlist, but not tonight. I love slow dancing with him; he moves so gracefully, kissing my neck as we grasp each other's hips. Still so sexy but nothing like how I know he can move. I've learned the fuck hotness that is Edward at a gay club. He'd been so nervous the first time we went, but his nerves subsided quickly as he caught on, overcome by the seductive atmosphere, gyrating in my arms, his leg between mine as he'd faced me or his back to me with his ass grinding my so fucking hard cock. He became overwhelmed there, dry fucking me to the point of coming in his pants on the dance floor. One of our hottest experiences yet.

But now we simply embrace, barely swaying to Bryan Adams. And I think this might be the perfect time. If only I could find the words to express my hopes and dreams for us.

He knows. We both know. We share such dreams and I know he wants me as I want him. I can't wait to start this next chapter of our lives, for it to be official. For us to be official. But we've only been dating for six and a half months. He might want to take more time. He's come so far, come out to so many, so suddenly, in such a short amount of time. Is he ready to call me fiancé? Is he ready to call me husband? I'm not sure, but I guess I'm going to find out.

I'm seriously thinking about dropping to one knee, when I become aware of how Edward's demeanor has changed while I was lost in thought. He is holding me closer, hands gently squeezing my ass. I sense that he wants to do everything but talk, his cock so hard against mine that is quickly catching on. His breath on my body makes me warm inside. Kissing up my jaw, he licks my lips before slipping his tongue inside my mouth. The lyrics call to us to give in to the chemistry that constantly surrounds us, always threatening to consume us.

_Cause I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body and I never want to let your body go._

_Let's make a night to remember, _

_from January to December._

_Let's make love, to excite us; _

_a memory, to ignite us._

_Let's make honey, baby; soft and tender._

_Let's make sugar, darlin'; sweet surrender._

_Let's make a night to remember,_

_all life long._

"Make love to me, Jasper. Please…" he pants against me, trying to pull me inside himself. The only way we could be any closer is if I were inside him. If that's what my boy needs right now, that's what I'm going to give him.

I take him to bed, take his clothes off, and take his straining cock into my mouth. He clutches my head, gently tugging my hair between his fingers as I take him all the way in. He's already so close as I suck on him, up and down, tongue caressing his so soft flesh, rock hard underneath. I pull away just enough to release him. I don't want him to come yet, not until he is buried balls deep in my ass. Not until he can pump me full of the evidence of his climax.

"Okay baby, you must listen to me now…" He whimpers as I crawl on top of him, rubbing my erection against his deliciously. _Fuck,_ my boy is so sexy when he whimpers.

"I'm going to make love to you, but I don't want you to cum. Can you hold on for me, baby?"

"Yes, love. I'll try, but why? You know how good you make me feel when you fill me…" He looks pained at of my request. But I know he'll understand.

"Because baby, after I cum inside you, I want… I _need_ you to fill me and cum inside me. Can you do this for me?"

"Fuck, yes… switch? Oh, shit. Yes, Jas. I'll try…"

We both fumble for our discarded jeans, for the travel packets of lube we both now know to keep in our wallets. We've discovered that we never know when we'll need them. When we'll need each other.

With both of our fingers slicked, he prepares me as I prepare him, our fingers working in rhythm inside of each other. This is so hot, I could do this all night, but Edward's moans are escalating and I feel his pre-cum all over me. We need to get started if I want him to last with me inside of him, so that he can then be inside me.

Kissing him, caressing him everywhere I can reach, I enter him slowly, tenderly. His moans speak of pleasure and need. I immediately start gently thrusting, one elbow supporting me above him as my free hand grips his ass, pulling him impossibly closer with each push inside. His body is so perfectly tight and hot around me, his mouth so wet and soft within mine. I don't take my mouth from his for one second as our rhythm picks up, his legs so open and wrapped around my waist as he arches his back and meets my body as we unite. My face is lovingly cupped in his gentle hands as he murmurs into my mouth, begging me to cum. His pleas ignite my climax; it rips through me as I am helpless to the spasms that wrack my body while I pulse inside him, so deep, so much. Finally I am spent, but my need to have him inside me burns on.

I pull my sated cock from within his heated embrace, now so slick with my release. Grabbing one of the packets of lube, I smear its remains all over my boy's engorged cock. He is so hard with the need to cum, twitching in my hand, leaking between us. I know he won't last long inside me, but I'll take whatever he has to give.

"I'm gonna ride you, baby… hold on for me a long as you can… then let go inside me…"

"Oh, fuck Jasper. Yes, please… want your ass so badly…"

I position him at my entrance, kneeling above him. As I lower my body onto his, around his cock, we both moan in unison, long and deep. The burn is so strong, but so good. Because he is inside me. Edward is inside me, making love to me, and I love how he fills me. He takes over, holds me still as he thrusts up into me, hitting my prostate, causing my dick to begin to fill again already. But I will not get the chance to cum again just yet, for I know he is so incredibly close. The telltale signs of his orgasm are written all over his flushed face, his brow furrowed, lips pursed; and in the tightening squeeze of his hands on my hips as he drives into me over and over and over. I relish such moments when I cum first and can then enjoy every beautiful detail of him as he climaxes. It's absolutely breathtaking. _He_ is breathtaking as he falls apart beneath me. With one last hard thrust, I feel him pulsing inside me and it's so fucking good. I swallow his moans as I kiss his open mouth, lapping them up, eyes open to his pinched closed. But soon his quivering subsides and I am met with his gorgeous green again, as he tells me of how much the gift of my body means to him.

Minutes later, it is almost painful to pull myself from his embrace to retrieve a washcloth and towel to clean us up. He lays relaxed and watching, eyes and heart open as I wipe away the remnants of our lovemaking. This is our precious time, after we make love, when words evade us both because there is just too much to say, no way to describe the feelings that buzz between us. Finally he says the simple words that I am always thinking.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Edward."

He sits up, places his feet on the floor, legs on either side of me. He holds me so right in his arms, murmuring into my hair, "Happy Valentine's Day, love. Thank you for being my valentine."

"Thank you for being mine," I answer as I sink to the floor between his legs, kneeling there. My jeans just in reach, I grab them and carefully take the little box from inside the pocket. When I look up to meet Edward's gaze, the wonder and love in his eyes are overwhelming, yet I continue. I open the box with trembling hands and hold it up to his imploring eyes.

"Will you be my valentine every day, Edward? For as long as we both shall live?"

His answer is in his strong arms as he pulls me into them. It's in his fevered lips as they capture mine. In the warm tears that trickle down his cheek, mine quickly joining his as we cling to one another.

"Is that a yes, baby? I hope?" I have to ask, even though I know as I always do where he's concerned.

"Yes, Jasper. Yes… yes!" His face is brilliant with a smile that lights up the room. But then he is laughing and leaving me to retrieve his coat, taking something from its pocket. An identical blue box to the one still in my hand? He kneels on the floor beside me, taking my hands in one of his as the other holds his box in front of me. Its contents take my breath away. Two rings almost matching the pair I've just presented to him stare back at me, only in silver instead of my gold.

"Will you be mine, too? For as long as we both shall live?"

"Oh, Edward… yes! Hell, yes!"

And then we are kissing and laughing, so amazed that we bought the same rings on the same day.

"Let's keep both, wear them both side by side," he suggests.

"Yes, it's perfect," I happily agree. "Each of us represented together, like we'll always be."

We try them on each other's hands. And it hits me, really hits me. He said yes. He is my fiancé, soon to be my husband. And he asked me, too.

Edward reaches for his phone, and proceeds to scroll to his mom's cell number.

I grab it before he can press send. "What are you doing, baby?"

"I'm calling mom… she said you'd ask me before I got up the nerve to ask you. I can't wait to tell them. They'll be so excited to officially have you as their son."

"I want to tell them, too. Soon. Tomorrow. But it's almost eleven, baby. And I want to make love to my fiancé until dawn, starting right the fuck now."

"Mmmnnnnn… when you put it that way…" He pulls me with him back to bed, to the first of many first nights of the rest of our lives. Together.

**Updated AN since I've directed readers to read this after Ch.16. Next up, the epi – their wedding. And then it's goodbye.**


	12. Hold On

**Hello again! Finally! **

**Thank you harrytwifan for holding my hand and fixing my mistakes! **

_**Holding On to Heaven **_**by **_**Nickelback**_** is the song for this chapter, along with **_**Far and Away**_**, of course. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 12 - Hold On<strong>

**EPOV**

It's been a week since I saw him last, since I returned to Chicago. One very long, hard as hell week without him. How did I ever live without Jasper during our months apart? As my boyfriend before that? Without him as my lover? My everything? But I now realize that he was always my everything. Even when I didn't know it yet.

Just hold on. I just have to hold on for one more week. Then I'll be back in his arms and I'll never let him go.

I lived more in our three days _together _than in my entire life combined. Experienced more. Felt more. Learned more. Like the heights of ecstasy that I hadn't even thought to be possible. And the delicious ache in my heart of unconditional love for another. Longing and need. Answered sweetly by his own for me. The shit fairy tales with happily-ever-afters are made of. Only now I'm living it. With my best friend. Who is an incredibly passionate and the perfect man. And I'm so completely okay with that.

The first thing I did when I arrived here in Chicago was take a taxi to Kate's. And the first thing I said to her as she opened her door and her arms to me was that he'd taken me back. He. Jasper. Of course, my perceptive cousin knew exactly of whom I was speaking. She wasn't at all surprised.

She's met Jasper a number of times during her frequent visits to Seattle. She's seen the way he looks at me. She's noticed that I've always seemed more at ease around him.

Her fiancé, Garrett, also welcomed my announcement, congratulating me on finally finding such happiness. They'd both been so worried at my saddened state during our months of working together. Tanya and Irina soon joined us and were incredibly supportive, leaving me happy and in awe of my amazing extended family.

I can only hope that my parents will accept my new life with Jasper as my cousins have. Honestly, I expect that they'll just be happy that I'm happy. They already love Jasper as if he's also their son. These past few months have been hard on them, with me suddenly so far away, even more so emotionally than the miles I'd placed between us. Although Jasper was still in Seattle, just hours from them, they felt as if they'd lost him, too. I wouldn't speak of him and he wouldn't take their calls. Mom and Dad will actually be relieved to have him back, even if it's as my boyfriend. Maybe now they'll understand why I left like I did. Yet, I feel as if my stomach will jump from the confines of my body when I imagine telling them.

They live just a couple hours away from Seattle, in Forks, yet I failed to let them know I was in town last week. That I am moving back. I was so wrapped up in Jasper that I didn't even call them. I received a sound and deserved scolding from all three of my sisterly cousins when they heard about this. Although, Kate made me promise not to make that announcement until I get back to Seattle, to tell them in person, with the stipulation that I tell them immediately after my return. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she then shut everybody up with some comment along the lines of me not making it out of Jasper's bed long enough to even call my own mother. I'm sure the blush on my face or the nervous hand in my hair confirmed her suspicions. I changed the subject quite awkwardly, not willing to discuss the mechanics of gay sex with my family.

Mmmnnn… sex with a man. Sex with Jasper. How did I not know what I've desired my entire life? I've been buried so deep in the closet, I didn't have a clue as to what my own body so desperately needed. Jasper's to be exact. A moan escapes me as I sit here at my soon-to-be someone else's desk in my soon-to-be someone else's office, trying to grab some lunch before my long line of appointments continue. Appointments with patients I'm trying to fit in before I leave for good in a week.

Yet I'm so distracted; my thoughts constantly turn to Jasper. Every time I so much as think of Jas… well, then I think of his crooked grin and the mischievous glint in his sparkling blue eyes. Which, of course, leads to thoughts of why his eyes always sparkle like they do as he looks at me the way he does. Of course, those thoughts lead to visions of his body, the same body that I'd looked at naively so many times without knowing what that body could do to mine. And then I'm as hard as stone. Every time I think of him.

I pull my phone from my pocket for probably the tenth time today to look at the pictures I took as we were leaving his loft. Soon-to-be my loft, too. Our loft. There it is… my Jasper-induced smile. The smile I wear so often now.

Surprisingly, I haven't worn my phone out looking at these pictures or calling and texting him. We've both been so busy; me with wrapping things up here and him finally in his studio again. But barely an hour or two goes by that we aren't touching base, checking in as if to ensure ourselves that all of this has really happened between us. With the two hour time difference and him staying late at his studio every night, we haven't been able to skype, much to my relief, actually. I fear that seeing him live on the screen will only make it that much harder to not see him in person, to not touch him. I fear it will make me miss him more, and I already miss him an almost unbearable amount.

Tonight I'll find out, though. Tonight we have a date. Well, if one can call looking at each other via our laptops while thousands of miles apart a date.

But I'm also nervous. Nervous to finally use the surprise he snuck into my bag – on myself, open and vulnerable in front of him, without his touch to guide and reassure me. Nervous and excited. I've held the flesh textured dildo in my hands quite a few times since discovering it the first night, still in its unopened package. I called Jasper, trembling slightly with embarrassment and excitement. As soon as I'd told him I was unpacking, he grew silent, waiting for my reaction. I couldn't hide my nervousness or my arousal. Or my confusion as to how he'd purchased it when he'd barely left my side. He explained that Rose had bought it for him as a snap-the-fuck-out-of-it gift a few months back. Jasper laughed while replaying the scene of a very embarrassed Rose when he'd quite crudely explained that he only tops. Only. Fake cocks included.

But not for long. Soon he will bottom for me. _Fuck..._ That thought terrifies me. And makes my dick swell instantly, hard to the point of sweet aching in my pants. I reach down to press there, trying to relieve the pressure momentarily with a firm hand, an up and down movement.

"Jesus, Doc. No wonder you're in here touching yourself. Fuck, is he hot!"

"Riley, shit! I didn't hear you come in… ever hear of knocking?" Riley is behind me, peering over my shoulder. I pull my hand away from my crotch, which just leaves the bulge in my pants on display. _Fuck!_

"Who could blame you, Doc? Damn, that boy is fine!" Riley groans, as he grabs my phone from my hand and begins scrolling through the pictures, while simultaneously eyeing up my very obvious erection.

"I could help you with that. You know very well that I could, because we both remember when I did…" Riley moans, waggling his eyebrows and licking his lips.

I know he doesn't mean anything by it. Actually, we've gotten on quite well this past week. Riley is still constantly flirting - because that's just what he does. Yet we seem to have an unspoken understanding that I'm off the market, and that I appreciate his hand in making that happen. Jas, on the other hand, has barely tolerated the idea of us working together. Not that he's said as much, but I hear the strained control in his voice every night when he asks how much I've seen Riley each day.

"I'd better decline your generous offer... I don't think my _boyfriend_ would appreciate that very much."

Just then my phone dings, alerting me that I've received a text message. I can't help my goofy grin at the possibility – the probability that it's my Jas. As I try to retrieve my phone from Riley, he darts from my reach while reading the message aloud. What is it with these boys reading each other's texts to me, dammit?

_**Can't wait till tonight baby! 10 pm your time still work for you?**_

"Mmmnnn… and what happens at 10pm, may I ask?" Riley asks, suggestively.

"No, as a matter of fact, you may not ask." I yelp as I attempt to get my phone from him, stealthy little bastard.

"Well, if the blush on your face is any indication, you have a date for phone sex. Or to sext, is it?" Riley positions himself in the corner of my office with my phone behind his back. I can't get it from him without accosting him. We are officially twelve. Add a mutual laughing fit to the mix and maybe that makes us ten.

_**Ding ding**_…

Oh shit! Not again! I'm doubled over laughing and can't even attempt to get the phone from Riley before he looks at the newest text. His eyes grow wide.

"Oh fuck, doc. Please, please, please let me come over tonight. I'll be as quiet as a mouse and keep my hands to myself! Please, pretty please just let me watch?"

_What the fuck does it say?_ "Riley, give me my fucking phone right the fuck now!"

"Testy, testy…" he giggles as he hands me my phone and kisses me on the cheek before sauntering from my office.

When I finally read the text, I contemplate crawling under my desk for the rest of the day.

_**I can't wait to watch you fuck yourself, darlin'. It'll be so fucking sexy.**_

How is it possible to be this embarrassed, yet incredibly aroused at the same time?

**ITCITCITC**

It's a little after eight. Less than two hours until my skype date with Jasper. A bunch of us from the practice met for dinner and drinks after work; my first night not ridiculously late getting out of there. We intended to meet with my replacement, but he didn't make it into town as planned. We were lucky to find someone so quickly, but I'm skeptical to say the least. Although he comes highly recommended by a prestigious colleague, we haven't even met him.

Dinner was fun, though. I'll actually miss this nice group of people I've been fortunate enough to work with here. Although, they hadn't met the real me, the happy me, until recently, just this last week that I've been back, my cousins included. Hell, I'm just meeting the happy me. Thanks to Jasper. Yes, my Jasper that I'll be seeing on my laptop soon. I need to get going so that I have time to take a shower. A very thorough shower indeed, if I'm going to be doing what Jas wants me to with what he wants me to do it with. I feel my cheeks warm at the thought of sticking that inside myself… yes, my cheeks warm and my cock immediately hardens.

Then I feel a hand on my back and a warm breath against my ear. Riley whispers, thankfully so no one else can hear, "Doc, Jeez… you're turning three shades of red! Are you thinking about that date you have with your hottie boyfriend tonight?"

I yell-whisper back, "Ri-leeeeeey!", and give him my best threatening stare, but the twinkle in his eye tells me that he knows too well how harmless I am.

"What date? I don't know about any date. Any skype-sex date between two hot as hell boys? Who said anything about a date? "

_Riley_. Annoying imp of an endearing boy! On that note, I decide to make a quick trip to the men's room to relieve myself of the couple of beers I've consumed before I excuse myself from the group to go back to my hotel. Luckily, I managed to get everything packed up and on a truck to Seattle over the weekend, though now I'm living in a hotel for the week. I can handle a hotel for a week when I have Jas's loft to soon call my home. I am slightly nervous, though… I haven't lived with anyone since college. But I can't wait to work out all the kinks, since it'll be Jas I'm working them out with.

Mmmmnnnn… all the places and ways we can work out the kinks. As a matter of fact, thinking of him makes me realize that it's been a while since I've heard from him. I zip up, wash my hands, reach into my pocket for my phone – but it's not there? Patting down of my shirt pockets also comes up empty, so I must've left it at the table. The last I remember having it was probably an hour ago when I finally retrieved it after Riley had confiscated it to show everyone my pics of Jasper. That boy never quits, but I can't help but love him a little for helping me find my way to Jasper. I have no doubt that I would have eventually, but who knows how long my daft ass would have taken if not for that sweet boy. Besides, the favorite of the table was the pic of Jas nuzzling his face against mine, and I can't deny what a perfect pic that is. And I can't believe how natural it feels to admit that I have a boyfriend. But will it always be this easy?

I'm so anxious to get to my phone, the link to my man, but as I near the table, I hope my eyes deceive me…

Oh. No. No, no, no, no! Riley is chattering away. On my phone! What the hell is Riley doing talking on my phone? Oh, shit! Oh, god no! He can't be talking to Jas? He wouldn't! Would he?

Fuck! Yes! Yes… he most certainly would!

There is nothing I can do but sit beside him and watch what I'm sure to be an impending train wreck unfold in front of my eyes. I think I may actually be sick. I'm most definitely in shock. I can't even hear what he's saying, nor can I move. Blankly staring at him, I'm wondering what kind of shit is going to hit the fan with Jasper, of whom I've hurt with the running, and the hiding. Oh yes, and we must not forget the oral sex with Riley, who is currently flirting with him on my fucking phone.

Wait… am I registering this correctly? I must focus. Must stop the ringing in my ears. Because I'm sensing a lighthearted conversation of which Riley appears to be enjoying.

I force myself to comprehend the side of the conversation that I am witness to. Riley is smiling. He is giggling. He is calling Jasper sweetheart and blushing slightly. What the fuck? I've never seen Riley blush before.

"My, my gorgeous. If you're as delicious in person as you are over the phone, then our Doc is going to have to beat me off you with a stick… Oh yes, I can't wait to meet you, too… Of course, I'll watch over him for you… You, too, sugar. Bye, now. Here's our boy…"

Finally he is handing me my phone.

My voice sounds shaky as I begin to talk. "Hello? Jas?"

"Hi, baby!" He sounds fine? Better than fine, he sounds happy? Not pissed? "Hello? Hello, Edward? Are you there?"

"Um… yes, love… I'm here. What was that all about?"

"What was what all about?"

"Well… what was you and Riley talking on my phone all about? And you not sounding pissed or upset all about?"

"Oh… that. Well, he answered your phone. Said you were in the bathroom. And then proceeded to introduce himself. And we talked."

_Duh, you talked… but what did you talk about? And why the fuck aren't you upset about it?_ "Well, yes love. I can see that you talked. I heard that you talked. But what did you talk about? You're not upset that you talked?"

"Ooohhhhhhh… we talked about you. And stuff. And I get it."

"You get it?"

"Yes, darlin'… I get it. I get Riley. I get you and Riley. Now… are you still going to be ready for our date? I've been waiting all day. Hell, I've been waiting all week!"

I decide then and there that simply – I don't even want to know. What they talked about, what was said to warm Jasper to Riley so. Because I kind of already know. Riley already won Jas over, and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that he would. "Uh… yes. Yes, of course. I'll be ready."

"Well then, get that fine ass of yours back to your room and be on your laptop at 10p.m. sharp. And have your present and some lube ready. Okay, darlin'?"

Even amidst my confusion, _that_ endearment - in _that_ voice - coming from _this_ man - makes me instantly hard. I swear one of these days he's going to make me come just from saying _darlin'_ the way he does. "Oh-okay, love. I'll be there and ready…"

"Edward, baby… no need to be nervous. We won't do anything that you aren't comfortable with. Never."

Is my voice that transparent? Or does he just know me that well? Of course, the concerned tone of his voice and the reassuring words he chooses instantly calm my nerves. I hear myself saying what I've said numerous times. What I've felt in the deepest parts of my soul since first we became friends. What has become an absolute in our new relationship.

"I trust you, Jas."

**ITCITCITC**

By the time I hail a taxi and make it back to my hotel, I just have barely enough time for the shower I desperately crave. I'm hoping the hot water will soothe my nerves. It does to a certain extent as my mind wonders, as I imagine seeing Jasper in a few short minutes. Seeing him, but not being able to touch him.

I wash my hair, then my body, still being careful of the sensitive flesh on my chest just above my heart. Another reason I've avoided skyping; I don't want Jasper to see what I did on my second night away from him here in Chicago, when the ache in my heart for him was so fierce that I thought I might lose my mind. I'd only been back for one day, still thirteen to go before I'd be in his arms again. For good. It was then that it occurred to me to show him just how much he means to me. Show him in a tangible way. A permanent, tangible way.

So how do I skype with Jasper, show him my body without him seeing my chest? I dress in gray boxers and a snug black t-shirt and hope that he doesn't question why I keep the t-shirt on. Carefully, as if it will bite, I place the synthetic cock beside me on the bed along with a bottle of lube. By the time I log on to the internet, he's waiting for me. Upon accepting his request, I am rewarded with the sight of my beautiful man laying back against the headboard of my favorite bed, his bed – our bed. I swear my heart momentarily stops as I take in the sight of him while he takes in the sight of me. His smile mirrors my own. And his chest… oh god… his chest is bare. The inked key there – my key - draws my attention as I rub the sensitive skin of my own chest through my shirt, where his key now resides. But quickly my eyes are drinking in his muscled pecs and abs… more filled in than just a week ago? I do believe so. My man looks good. Damn good.

"Edward? Hello, baby?" He clears his throat and chuckles. I realize I've been staring for who knows how long and my mouth is hanging open. I might even be drooling a bit.

"Uh-hum… yeah… hi, love. It's so good to _see _you. I was staring, huh?" I feel the tell-tale warmth of a blush creep across my cheeks.

"Maybe a little, darlin', but so was I. It's so good to see you, too, baby. So fucking good. God, I miss you so much!" His voice sounds relieved and happy, yet desperate and sad. It echoes the emotions welling up in my throat, from deep inside where I've tried to cage them. How can I miss him this much? Just one week we've been apart. Just one more week to go.

We talk for a few minutes about our day. It's so nice to see him, but my fingers ache to touch him as I feared they would. My brain has a hard time registering that although he's in front of me talking and breathing, that while I can see the rise and fall of his chest and each hair that leads from his navel to the button fly of his hot-as-fuck worn jeans, he is actually so far away and out of reach.

Yet my adoring gaze quickly becomes blatant eye-fucking as I once again become distracted by his masculine beauty.

"Darlin'… shall we get started?" His mesmerizing drawl coaxes me from my haze as my erection goes from semi to rigid and aching in seconds. All I can do is nod my head to answer him that I indeed am ready, more than ready, so fucking far past ready. I need him. If I can't actually feel him touching me, against me, inside me… well then, I'll settle for him watching me fuck myself.

Removing his jeans, his voice is husky as he asks, "Let me see you, baby… let me see all of you."

_Oh, shit!_ This is where I somehow avoid taking off my shirt without being obvious that I'm hiding something underneath.

And _Oh, shit!_ Jasper isn't wearing anything under his jeans. His cock is just as beautiful as I remember and as hard as mine is.

Fumbling, I remove my boxers. I don't know what he sees in me, awkward and inexperienced as I am, but the groans that escape him as he begins stroking himself, as he watches me with hungry eyes, remind me that for whatever reason, he does see something, that for some reason he sees everything in me.

His expression becomes puzzled as he notices that I'm not removing my shirt. Sprawling in front of him, I take my cock in one hand, placing the other arm bent behind my head. This seems to distract him as he observes the movement of my hand on my cock, up and down. Fuck this feels good; the pressure of my hand, the feel of his eyes on me, caressing my skin as if he's right here next to me.

His voice is raw. Demanding, yet patient and perfect. His southern accent deepens as it always does when he becomes aroused. He tells me step by step what to do. And I listen.

"Put some lube on your fingers."

I do as he asks.

"Now rub your hole, sweetheart… fuck. Yes. Just like that. Turn toward me, spread your legs so that I can see..."

I do exactly as he asks. And I'm moaning as I push one finger inside. I've never done this before. Why have I never done this before?

"That's it, baby. Now add another finger. Get your ass ready for my cock."

He talks me through finger fucking myself and I can't believe how incredible it feels. Not nearly as good as when he does it, but it's still incredible. Soon he is telling me to lubricate the dildo. I'm trembling as he has me rub its head against my entrance.

Awkward at first, I focus on him. The look in his eyes as he watches me so intently, licking his lips and stroking his cock. Finally, I find the right angle and begin applying just enough pressure for the dildo to slip inside. It feels so good, but isn't enough. As if my ass remembers how much it likes so be filled, it swallows the cock easily. Before I know it, I've pushed half of it inside. It burns like it does at first with Jasper's cock. A burn I've come to crave because I know of the ecstasy that follows.

"Oh, god. Yes, Edward… baby. Take my cock. Take it all."

He sounds close to losing it already. I recognize the tenor of his voice as his orgasm approaches. Finally, I speak. I have my own request. "Jasper… wait for me. Don't cum until I cum, love."

Nodding, he releases his leaking cock from his fist's embrace, moving his hand up to his stomach, rubbing himself there like he does when he's trying to postpone his orgasm. He's so beautiful always, but especially like this, when he's desperately trying to hold to the control he so hates to let go of. He tells me I'm beautiful, when truly, he's the beautiful one.

His voice is gruff with his next request. "Go ahead, push it the rest of the way in." I willingly grant his request. I just wish it were really him inside me right now. I close my eyes and imagine it's so, and listen to everything he tells me to do. To pull it out and push it back in. Faster. Harder. To move it around inside my ass until I find that amazing spot that makes me helplessly writhe and moan. To finally stroke my cock in rhythm as I fuck the cock… Jas's cock, _Yes!_ And finally, to cum long and hard, stream upon stream onto my chest and stomach to the sounds of sweet obscenities that fall from his lips and moans that I can't contain.

Minutes pass. We lie together, yet so far apart. Though it was special and wonderful and incredibly hot, I'm left aching for him even more than before.

Eventually, we clean ourselves up; I put my boxers back on while he puts sleep pants on. The ones we left on his stairs in a heap just last week.

"You're cute. You know that?" He chuckles as we crawl into our beds, snuggling under the covers next to our laptops as if next to each other.

"Why?"

"I don't know why. You just are. Like how you do what you just did with me, so open and sexy. Yet you were so shy that you chose to leave your shirt on. Cute."

"Yeah… that's me, I'm cute all right," I quip, barely containing my smirk.

We lay beside each other like this until we are nodding off. Hesitantly, we say goodnight, fingers touching our screens, breeching the distance between us.

**ITCITCITC**

I check out of my hotel and practically skip to my car, my dear Volvo that will be shipped home to Seattle. Today is a good day, a great day. Today I go home to Jas. My two weeks are up. Although I've barely wrapped things up and my replacement is finally just arriving today – I don't care. I need to get home to my man. Tonight isn't soon enough.

On arriving at the practice, I make a bee-line to Kate's office, expecting her to finally be meeting Dr. Volturi, my replacement. But I am met with a very distressed, alone Kate, hair in her hands, looking quite pissed. Kate rarely looks pissed. This can't be good.

"Kate? Is everything okay, hon?"

"No, Edward. Everything is not okay. Dr. Volturi just called to say he can't be here for another week. We'll manage. We'll just cancel his appointments, and…"

I interrupt her. "You'll do nothing of the sort! I won't leave you in a bind… I'm staying until he shows up."

She studies me. She knows that she can't refuse my offer. She needs me. So I'll stay. But how do I tell Jas? He's been so desperate for me to get back to him…

"Are you sure, Edward? We can make do. I don't want to complicate things for you at the beginning of this relationship that is making you happier than I've ever seen you."

"Jasper and I will be fine, Kate. He'll understand." _Won't he?_

I make it back to my office just as reality sets in. I'm not going home to Jas today. I know I should wait until he is up to call him, but I have to get this over with.

He answers groggy and as sexy as ever. I was supposed to be waking with him tomorrow, but now it will be at least one more week.

"Edward, baby… you must be really anxious to get home to me to be calling me at six a.m.?

_Oh, sweetheart. Just hold on. I'll be there soon._

"Well, about that, love. We have to talk…"

* * *

><p><strong>So, this update took a while. Sorry about that. This Edward is quiet and didn't want to talk to me. And life has been busy.<strong>

**New plot bunnies also kept hopping into my head. My entry into the FB SWW Pic Contest is on my profile, _If You Leave. _**

**I've also started another Edward/Jasper wip called _Sometimes _that will have real short chapters that I hope to post once or twice a week, give or take. Off to write the next chapter of it right now, as a matter of fact.**

**I was recced on a couple blogs since I last updated this. Wow! Such an honor!**

**jaspersdarlins (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2012/02/save-horse-ride-cowboy-in-corner-by (dot) html**

**twificreviewsa-z (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2012/03/in-corner-by-marriedmyedward (dot) html**

**Also my amazing beta harrytwifan has been nominated for Best Beta in the Wordsmith Awards and In the Corner was nominated for Best Jasper. Check out all of the fantastic nominees at:**

**wordsmithawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/p/nominees (dot) html**

**Voting is May 17th through May 26th!**


	13. Just the Way You Are

**It's finally time to find out how Jasper reacts to Edward's news that he can't return home, yet. **

**My fabulous beta harrytwifan betaed this for me. Thank you hon - for keeping me writing, and sane, and happy.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

**Song inspiration for this chapter – **_**Just the Way You Are**_** by Billy Joel and **_**I'd Come for You**_** by Nickelback**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 13 – Just the Way You Are<strong>

**Epov**

Thank god this day is almost over. All I want to do is to move back into my damned hotel room, seeing as I can't return home as planned. I just need to crawl into bed and keep trying to get Jasper on the phone. He isn't answering my calls or my texts. They go straight to voice mail or stay green, which means his phone is either turned off or he's doesn't have service.

In downtown Seattle, the latter is just not possible.

Fuck. I know my Jas. I knew this was not going to go well, that he was not going to take my return being postponed well at all. He's so hot-headed. He reacts without thinking.

Overreacts is more like it.

I know he will eventually calm down. He always does. It's just that he feels everything with such intensity. Lucky for me, he loves as such, too. I'm one lucky man to be the recipient of his emotion. Of his devotion.

Yet, he's lucky, too, isn't he? Lucky that I love him just as much as he loves me. Lucky that my love for him, coupled with my patience, just might enable me to put up with his dramatic ass.

Everything has finally fallen into place in my life. I'm happier than I've ever been, with him as my future, as my _someone. _Now that I've finally realized he's my someone and I'm reacting appropriately, that is.

So why must this be so complicated? Him there with me stuck here? Him not talking to me for now?

It's not so much what he said when I told him I'd be staying here in Chicago for at least one more week. No… It's more what he did _not_ say. Like, barely anything. For long minutes he was silent. I could hear him breathing. I knew he was trying to process and trying to understand. And that's what he did say when he finally found words to speak.

"I understand," he calmly whispered.

Too calmly.

"This is how it's going to be. Your work comes first."

_Fuck… No love, _I thought, I screamed in my head. But before I could say the words out loud, before I could talk him down from his assumptions, he was telling me to let him know when I'd be back. That he'd wait for me, but would be busy until then. The detachment in his voice broke my heart a little. A small piece splintered right then and there, for the pain I had no choice but to cause him.

I understand this comes at a bad time; I do. We're just starting out, and with so much baggage. But as bad as I feel to put my cousin before him, I also feel pissed. He must understand that temporarily staying here is the right thing to do. That it in no way means I feel any less for him.

Although… maybe he doesn't know? He's loved me for how many years, but has only felt that love returned in the same way for mere weeks.

He quite possibly doesn't know!

Yet.

_Shit, Jas. Just answer the fucking phone so I can tell you... And beg you to come to Chicago so that I can show you. I'll spend every spare second showing you. In every way…_

I hadn't even realized I'd taken my phone from my pocket and pressed Jas's name on my contact list again. I cringe as the call immediately goes to his voicemail; for the umpteenth time, the call goes to voice mail as his sexy southern drawl apologizes that he's unavailable, then promises that he'll 'get right back to ya' as soon as he can. I beg him to call me back, telling him I need him, that I love him. Shoving my phone into my pocket again, with a heavy heart, I hang my head in defeat.

_Dammit._

**Jpov**

So I may have reacted badly. I may have acted like a dick, said the wrong things, not said enough. I've just had such a bad feeling, worrying so much that he won't return to me.

And apparently with good reason. Our three days together were incredible. So fucking incredible. They started to heal my self-doubting heart, to make up for me pining for him and loving him silently for five and a half years.

But it's going to take a lot more than three days of Edward returning my feelings to erase all of the days that he didn't.

Since his departure to Chicago, I've been plagued with doubt and insecurities. Did those three days really happen? Did they mean to Edward what they meant to me? Can I actually begin to deserve him if by some miracle he continues to return my love?

As much as it always hurt to love him unrequitedly, I accepted it. It made sense. He's amazing. He'd be crazy to want to spend his life with me. Right?

Or was I wrong to underestimate what he might feel for me, what I deserve?

He says that he loves me, that indeed he does want to spend his life with me.

I need to trust him, trust us, and go with the flow of things without reading too much into everything. Like, for instance, him having to work and not come home to me when planned. It isn't the end of the world. He loves me. Yet, he's also a phenomenal doctor. That's an important part of his life, too. As is his family. And that's okay. That has to be okay with me for this… for us to work.

Luckily, I quickly realized how stupid I was acting this morning. Well, not that quickly; unless one can call two hours _quickly_. I've learned throughout my volatile life, that the more strongly I feel about something or someone, be it my art or Edward - the more ridiculously I behave when faced with conflict over it.

It's a problem. I know this. I'm not in denial. Just absolutely at a loss as to how to change. But I have learned to cope, to undo any damage I've done during my despair, once I climb from its icy clutches.

Unfortunately, this morning, I wasted two hours before making that ascent. After hanging up on my boy, I spent two hours not answering his calls and texts. I spent two hours crying and pouting about like a child, until finally, after two hours of putting myself through hell, I remembered that it was my Edward that I was throwing such a fit over. My Edward, of whom one of the many things that had originally drawn me to him, that had caused me to fall in love with him, that continues to make me love him even more every damned day, is that he's such a good person through and through. He always does the right thing and would never leave someone in a bind. He, of course, would do the right thing for his cousins, his patients, his profession.

After coming to my senses, I immediately packed a bag, drove to the airport, and bought the first available ticket on a plane that unfortunately flew to St. Louis before another would bring me to Chicago.

Which brings me to now. Here. In a cab, almost to Edward's hotel –– what I hope to still be Edward's hotel. I don't know for sure, because I still haven't talked to him. I couldn't face him until I could face him in person, on my knees, begging his forgiveness for giving him shit for doing the right thing.

I can't wait to see him. I need to have him in my arms again, among other ways. But will he be glad to see me after the way I treated him this morning?

Getting out of the cab, I begin to get really nervous. I think I might throw up.

What will I say to him?

He had asked me to accompany him here weeks ago, but does the offer still stand?

_Shit_. I've got to get my head together by the time I get up to his room, before I see him.

Unfortunately, there's no time for that, because as I walk through the lobby doors, I am greeted by the breathtaking sight of him.

_Unfortunately?_

No. Quite the opposite_,_ indeed.

_Fortunately, _the first thing my gaze is drawn to is my Edward; the reds in his crazy locks calling to me like a beacon on the darkest night. And I don't need time to prepare for what I'll say or do, because the sight of him is the balm to all that ails me. A calm I haven't felt in weeks settles over me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. Everything is right in my universe, just from being near him. Like I've finally made it home from a long, hellish journey.

Here in this hotel lobby that I've never set foot in before, in a city I've never visited before today, I am home.

He hasn't spotted me yet, talking with the pretty receptionist in his friendly gentle way. She seems quite enamored with him as everyone always does. A fact that he is currently clueless of again, because he always is. He has no idea of the effect he has on people, of how beautiful he is, making him even more so, if possible.

I am glued to the spot taking him in, so fucking hot in his suit pants, shirt and tie; the multi-green pin stripes of his tie making his bright eyes sparkle. Something seems off, though. He looks so tired. He looks distressed as he takes his phone from his pocket and brings it to his ear.

He slowly walks away from me with his phone in one hand, pulling his suitcase behind him with the other. Following closely, I hear his anguished words.

"Jasper… love… please call me back. I need you. I love you."

_No, baby. It's okay. I'm right here. I'll always be here._

Hanging his head with a sigh, he puts his phone back in his pocket as he steps inside the awaiting elevator. I barely make out what he mutters under his breath. "Dammit, Jas. Where are you?"

I finally speak up, the emotion behind the truth in my words chokes me up, causing my voice to sound raw and husky, "I'm right here, darlin'. I need you, too. I love you, too..."

I mean to continue speaking, to apologize for being an unmitigated ass yet again - but I can't carry on, due to the breath being knocked from my lungs as I'm pulled into the elevator by my boy's strong arms.

He holds me so tightly to him. Almost as tightly as I hold him to me. We both breathe a sigh of relief, as we breathe one another in. I bury my face in his neck and cling to him with everything I am.

Seconds, maybe minutes, pass… until we are able to loosen our grip, to pull back, enough to look into each other's eyes, sharing an infinite reflection of love and need. And lust is of course there, too, threatening to dominate our bodies, threatening to gain control, to make us do private things in this public setting.

We both seem to come to our senses simultaneously, too desperate to relinquish our hold on each other. Yet, we reign in the passion that simmers beneath the surface between us, blushing and looking out into the lobby for anyone who might be a witness to our display. We are greeted only by the nice desk clerk's admiring gaze. She tries to look away and then gives up the impossible, simply grinning at us.

Her sweet voice carries to us across the lobby, "Shall I put a 'do not disturb' status on your room for the evening, Mr. Cullen?"

My adorable boy smirks and blushes further, nodding as he replies, "Why yes, Jessica. That would be greatly appreciated."

He then takes one arm from around my torso long enough to hit the button for the twenty eighth floor.

The elevator doors finally close and his lips crash against mine as he pins me against the wall.

"Jasper… here… fuck… need you…" he mutters amidst his assault on my lips, against my very willing lips that open to him, drinking him in, his tongue against mine causing my uninhibited moans to drown out his errant words.

My dick is completely rock-fucking-hard, and on its way to exploding against his equally rigid erection as we dry fuck against the wall of this elevator. Just as I realize that I might actually cum in my pants right here, right now, the elevator dings, giving us just enough warning to stop our grinding and put a little distance between us.

Not much distance, though, because as the elevator doors open on the twenty second floor, a classy elderly couple enters. Edward retains his hold on me, nestling me against his side, angling our bodies so that we still face each other, thankfully hiding the huge, hard status of our groins. I lay my forehead against his shoulder, closing my eyes as I try to catch my breath. I try to act as normal as possible.

I don't look at the couple again. Nor do I know how Edward does it, but he holds a brief, yet friendly, conversation with the couple, in which they tell of their daughter that is staying on a different floor. Our floor.

The elevator doors open, and Edward graciously insists that they exit first. Thank god they head in the opposite direction that we need to go in. I cling to Edward as he practically drags me down the hall to his hotel room.

On entering, though, he lets go of me. I feel the absence of his warmth immediately as he walks to the row of windows that line the far wall, standing there, staring out at everything or nothing. He just stands and stares, running his fingers through his hair.

So I wait behind him.

When he turns to look at me, his beautiful face is conflicted with too many emotions to name warring in his brilliant eyes.

Is he still happy to see me?

Is he pissed?

"You're here… Jasper, you came to Chicago for me," he states, almost as if in awe.

"Yes, I'm here, baby. Is that a good thing?"

"What? Fuck, yes, it's a good thing! But I don't know if I should kiss you and take you to bed or smack the shit out of you right now! I've been worried sick all day… seeing as you haven't answered my calls or texts since basically hanging up on me this morning!"

_Shit._ He is pissed.

But happy that I'm here, too. Yes.

I can fix this.

"I know. I'm so sorry. I just… Fuck! I overreacted. Again. And when I realized how wrong I was, I couldn't get here fast enough. I had to see you in person. I didn't think. I'm such an asshole. I'm…"

Throughout my rant, I barely register his pleas begging me to stop, telling me it's okay. But I can't stop myself from trying to make this up to him. For the life of me, I can't stop trying to make him understand just how sorry I am.

"Jasper!" he yells, taking my arms in his strong hands, shaking me a bit. I finally shut up when his lips on mine make it impossible to speak, impossible to think. _Fuck_, they feel so good. So right.

Breaking the kiss, he seems to think he's shut me up for good as he rests his forehead against mine.

"I'm so sorry, Edward…" I attempt to continue, but he quiets me again with light pecks on my rambling lips, with soothing strokes of his thumbs along my cheeks as he gently holds my head within his hands.

"No-no-no, love. No more of that. It's okay."

I take a deep breath and implore him with my eyes, with my hands grasping his forearms as he continues to attempt to soothe me. I just have to get this out. Maybe he'll listen if I talk slower, more calmly.

"Edward, just listen to me… I never should've reacted like I did to you choosing to do the right thing. You always do the right thing. It's one of the many things that I love about you."

The answering love in his eyes almost brings me to my knees, and my boy can see me faltering. He knows what I need, and pulls me to the bed to sit with him there. Taking my hands in his, he looks into my eyes, his gaze falling to my lips as he licks his, but then back up to my eyes again. He's trying to tell me something…

"Okay, I accept your apology. But understand something, Jasper… please? One of the many things that_ I_ love about _you_, the thing that drew me to you in ways I've only recently begun to understand… is your passion. You live passionately. You love passionately. And you react passionately."

"Don't you mean… _over_-react passionately?" I sheepishly ask, my gaze falling to my lap, to his hands around mine. "I don't know if I can change, but I can try. For you."

Reaching up with one hand, he gently cups my chin, raising my head so that he may look directly into my eyes. Into my soul. Again.

Always.

"Absolutely not! Please, don't change a thing. I love you just the way you are, all passionate and sometimes hot-headed. Just the way you are, love. Understand?"

I do. And I show him just how much I understand. With my lips on his soft ones, my hands grasping him to me. I hold him to me and don't let him go, as I show him how very much I understand the incredible man that he is – to see me, to know me, and to love me despite what he sees.

Moving his lips down my jaw, he deliciously murmurs against my skin, his warm breath sending tingles throughout my body. "Mmmmmnnn… just as long as you always come for me after you've gone all crazed, brooding artist on me. Thank you for coming for me today, all the way to Chicago…"

_Of course, baby. Always. Anywhere_.

I can't speak as he pushes me to my back, as he lies on top of me, beginning a delicious grind of his erection against mine. Though fabric still separates our flesh, the feeling of his body finally against mine, above mine, is already beckoning what is surely to be my earth shattering climax.

"Of…of course, baby. I'll always come for you."

His mouth captures mine in a searing, deep kiss, his tongue searching deep inside for everything I have to give. And give it to him I do.

My breath.

My moans.

My heart.

My life.

We fumble with zippers, barely pulling pants down, just enough to pull our cocks free. I growl to him that I won't last, that I can't hold off if he continues to grind against me just so. Suddenly, our cocks are flush, hard heat rubbing hard heat in his hand, in his stroking grip. My hands cup the cheeks of his ass in his jockeys, pulling him to me, against me. We thrust against each other, both of us fucking his fist.

"Then show me… cum for me… Ugh, Jas! Cum _with_ me now! Please!"

"Yes, Ed…ward! Fuuuccckkk…"

I can't refuse my boy's request, or my body's need for release. Thankfully, he's right there with me as we climax together, trembling together, moaning together, still thrusting into his fist together.

We come down from our mutual euphoria together, with him still on top of me in my arms. I so wish we could stay right here, just like this. He's blown my mind again and we barely have our clothes off. Everything with him is amazing.

_Let's get these damn clothes off and do that again._

He moves to kneel above me and I moan as the loss of his weight and heat.

I outright protest when he proceeds to pull his jockeys and pants up instead of down. He lovingly tucks me back into my jeans, but leaves them open.

"No baby, you're confused. We're supposed to be getting naked, not the other way around. I'm not done with you yet."

I moan as I whip my t-shirt off and wipe our cum from his stomach, then mine. When I move to clean our cum from his hand, he moves it out of my reach, and up to his mouth. A small squeak escapes me at the hot-as-hell sight of him licking our juices off of his fingers and the back of his hand.

My cock swells once more in two seconds flat, rock hard as if I didn't just have an intense orgasm. I move to grab him to pull him down to me, but he's so strong, he keeps me at bay with one hand as he unbuttons his shirt with the other. The sexy, mischievous glint in his eyes changes to sweet and innocent. That's just how he looks above me now in a white undershirt, his button down discarded. Sweet and innocent.

His eyes dominate my attention as he slowly reaches to the bottom of the white cotton, inching it up his torso, slowly revealing inch after inch of his glorious, toned body. I keep looking at that body of his, but then right back up to his eyes, so full of love, trying to tell me something.

What is he trying to tell me?

What is he trying to show me?

And then I know. I know everything.

My heart clinches in my chest as his t-shirt comes up and completely off.

The breath hitches in my throat as I see my dear boy's chest.

There is no more doubt.

I know.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading. I hope it was worth the wait.<strong>

**Thank you for sticking with me, and for your wonderful inspiring reviews! And that's exactly what your reviews do… each one inspires me and gives me the confidence to write. I'm sorry I fall behind on responding to them, but I cherish each one! I'm going to attempt to respond to every review I recieve withing 24 hours. Let's see… Care to test me?**

**And for this chapter, I'll send you a teaser for the next with my review response. If you want it, that is. Just let me know if you don't. I know some of you like to be surprised. ;-)**


	14. Everything I Do

**Once again, I wouldn't have this chapter written nor would it be all fixed up if it weren't for harrytwifan. Thanks hon!**

**Song inspiration – **_**Everything I Do, I Do It For You **_**by **_**Bryan Adams**_

**Disclaimer – I don't own twilight and you must be 18 to read this! Slash!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 14 – Everything I Do<strong>

**Jpov**

I'm speechless. The sight before me is the most beautiful I've ever seen, and that's saying a whole hell of a lot considering I've been graced with the sight of Edward for years. Everything about him is beautiful; from each wayward hair atop his gorgeous head, to the pinky toes on his slender feet.

But now this key on his chest, to match his key on mine...

…there are no words.

So I follow my instincts that drive me to touch his newly inked skin. I need to touch him there. I need to taste him there.

My fingers reach as I move to sit up. He continues to kneel above me, straddling my thighs, wiping away the tears that now wet my flushed cheeks.

His skin seems warmer here as my fingertips brush across the black ink, across the identical black key to the one tattooed on my chest, the key to my heart that will always be his. Except, where mine is accented in green due to the hue of my boy's eyes, his is in blue.

My lips nuzzle this spot––this spot that my love has permanently marked on his body as mine. He tastes so sweet, always. Everywhere. But somehow these precious inches of his flesh are now even sweeter than the rest.

I begin murmuring against him, against his key. My key. To his heart…

"Edward. I…" _I don't know what to say._ "Baby, I… I don't know what to say. Just… it's so… beautiful… you're… so beautiful…"

"Shhhhh… sweetheart. I'm yours. My heart is yours. Always has been. Always will be. And I needed to show you, like you've showed me."

Holding me to his chest, fingers in my hair messaging my scalp, his gentle voice soothes me, as always. Such simple sounds. Such simple words. He says it all, and I cling to him and revel in the miracle that is him. In the miracle that is _us_.

We are now _us_. Where I end, he begins, and vice versa.

He lightly traces my chest with his graceful fingers, followed by soft supple lips.

Time stands still for us as we sit here reveling in this commitment that we share. Our enduring commitment that we promise to each other; not only with words, but with eternal ink on our bodies.

He understands and appreciates the significance of my tattoo for him.

He shares my feelings and has done the same for me.

Yet, it's still difficult to fathom.

"What…? When…? You did this for me?" Stupid questions, I know. But I still just don't know what to say.

"Everything I do, I do for you, Jas. Everything. Even staying here longer than I'd planned to make sure things are properly wrapped up. No loose ends. So we can begin our lives together with a clean slate."

Speechless once more, I attempt to express my gratitude for what he promises to always give me with actions, as opposed to the words I cannot seem to form. And he understands completely. From the look in his eyes as he gazes into mine, I know that he does.

My lips touch his parted ones, open and waiting, tongues immediately caressing. Each stroke communicates the myriad of emotions that swirl between us.

Foremost is the love that threatens to consume us. Love laced with lust and absolute need. Relief to be back in each other's arms. Relief to be able to do the things that we desperately need to do.

I must be inside my love right the fuck now. There's no need to tell him, to speak the words. He knows. The feeling is mutual. We shimmy out of our remaining clothes as quickly as possible, lips barely parting for a fleeting moment here and there.

Once naked, deeply kissing and groping and grinding, my boy begins to beg. He pleads for me to take him, to fuck him immediately. He needs me inside. He needs me to make him mine once more.

"Fuck, darlin'… yes… where's the lube? Need to prepare you…"

He untangles his limbs from mine, removing his body from above me just long enough to grab the lube from the outside pocket of his luggage. The short time that his flesh is no longer blanketing mine is far too long. I'm cold without him.

When he returns to straddle me and grind his ass against my hard-on, I am unsure if I can keep from thrusting, from plunging inside. He moves against my dick just so, trying to impale himself on it. I contradict my protesting words with grasping fingers, massaging and pulling his cheeks apart so that I might easily slip inside.

"Wait, baby… need to stretch you… don't want to hurt you…" I pant. Yet, his hole feels ready, the head of my aching cock hugged just inside.

"Please, Jasper… fuck me now. I need you."

I pull away to hastily coat my erection with lube, then reach between my love's legs to stretch him. I barely have him wet, just beginning to push a finger inside, when he's forcing both of my hands above my head, instructing me to hold on to the head board.

"Don't move your hands, love. Hold on for dear life while I ride your huge cock," he growls, already holding it at his entrance, beginning to receive the tip as it disappears inside his ass. As badly as I need his welcoming heat, my concern for hurting him wins out. And it's so difficult to interrupt the sexiness that is aggressive Edward. All wanton and needy, above me. Starting to fuck me.

"Stop… please, Edward. You're not ready…"

_What the hell am I saying?_

Then my boy is shushing me, and blushing, and sinking farther and farther onto my cock_. _

_Fuck…_

He tells me that he craves the burn, that he wants my cock to stretch him, not my fingers. He hides his face as he continues, whispering that he's fucked the dildo every night, even the four nights after we jacked-off together while on the phone. He assures me that he's ready, that he can take me, all of me. That he needs me. That he needs me _now_.

Imagining him with the dildo is too much. I can't refuse him or his tight heat any longer. I love that he needs a cock up his ass, mine or artificial, and _god dammit_, I'm going to give him mine right fucking now.

Grasping the wood above my head, almost to the point of pain, I hold on with all my strength to keep from grabbing onto him.

I surrender.

I thrust up into him as the back of his thighs meet the front of mine, and he does just as he promised he would… he rides me. With abandon, up and down, swiveling his hips in such a way. I know by his moans and mumbled words that he's found his sweet spot. Over and over again.

"Fuck, Jas… so good… you feel so good… inside me…"

His rhythm slows as he leans down to kiss me while we fuck. Riding me leisurely, he pulls almost completely up and off me before taking me back inside. So slow. So sweet.

I can't refrain from touching him any longer; letting go of the headboard, I reach down to grasp the cheeks of his ass, to help him bounce up and down on my dick. He begins fisting his cock, immediately cumming all over my stomach and chest, moaning my name. I want to hear him call my name just like that, every day for the rest of my life.

As the last of his essence splashes across my chest, mine begins spilling so deep inside him. My body trembles with the force of my orgasm.

Moments or eons later, we are lying on our backs, still blissed out from our long overdue fucking. Our hands are entwined between us, our breathing in sync in deep relaxing breaths. My boy seems to be humming contently under his breath.

"Mmmmmm… so good, love."

"Yes. Yes, _you_ are."

He chuckles. "We are."

"Yes. Yes, _we_ are." _We are so good together. I always knew we would be_.

He turns his head towards me as I turn mine to look at him.

He knows, but I must tell him. "Missed you so much."

"Missed you, too. Mmmm… No more missing."

"No more missing."

"Can you stay? Until I can go back to Seattle with you?"

My eyes are heavy as I answer him. "Yes. Cleared schedule. How ever long it takes."

So tired. But so happy. I don't wanna fall asleep. Want to savor lying here with my boyfriend after, yet again, the best sex of my life. Making love. Gets better every fucking time.

One last thought pulls me back from sleep's inviting clutches.

"Baby?"

"Hmmnnn…?"

"How did you get your tattoo identical to mine?" I roll on my side to hold him close, lying across his chest.

He nuzzles his face into my hair, whispering, "I took a picture of you sleeping. You were lying on your back. So sexy."

"Thank you baby. You're amazing. "

He holds me in his arms. The beat of his heart beneath my ear is my lullaby as he brushes his fingers through my hair, against my scalp. I let go and fall asleep, so safe. So warm. So loved.

…..

_Mmmmmmmnnnnnn…_the softest of sensations pulls me from the warmth of my serene slumber, finally content now that I'm back in the same bed as Edward.

My eyes remain closed, too heavy yet to peek through. I lie on my stomach, arms cradling my pillow beneath my head, and _Oh fuck…_does that feel good. So good.

Edward is nestled between my legs; so warm and just plain right. What he's doing to the cheeks of my ass has my cock swollen and aching, trapped between my hard body and the softest of mattresses. I can't keep from grinding against the luxurious sheets. If he keeps up his attentions, I'll surely blow my load all over them.

Squeezing each cheek ever so gently, he strategically places open mouthed kisses everywhere, ensuring that he doesn't miss an inch of my fleshy butt. And if the whimpers that escape my sexy boy are any indication – he's enjoying this as much as I am.

His thumb brushing across my hole sends me arching off the bed.

_What the fuck?_

I've been touched there before, a very long time ago, but it never felt like that! Since then, I wouldn't let my lovers near my ass.

I'm a top through and through, and haven't wanted to explore how the other half lives again.

However, I've always known that I would feel differently if I were with Edward. And now I am. I'm with _my_ Edward. The love of my life; my soul mate. I want to explore everything with him. Feel everything. Be his everything. Including his bottom.

I'm pulled from my reverie by a new pleasure, one that can only be described as decadent. Blissful.

"Unghf… baby! Fuck… can't… believe… how good… that feels!"

If I thought the tentative caress of his thumb felt amazing, I never could've imagined what the very assured stroke of his tongue would feel like.

_There._

He's licking me _there_.

And it feels… just… so… _much_.

So many sensations assault me; tingling from my hole, skittering throughout my entire body, finally to unite in my throbbing, so-fucking-hard cock.

My moans mix with Edward's. The sounds of pleasure escaping him muffled by my writhing cheeks increases my pleasure tenfold. I can so relate; I know how incredibly hot it is to taste him there. Such an intimate act, one I've performed on only a few. Doing that to Edward means so much to me on so many levels; almost as many as letting him do this to me.

What I did not know was how good it would feel to be on the receiving end. It was quite obvious from his reaction to my mouth on him there - to my tongue up his ass - that it felt really good… but to finally experience it myself? I just wasn't prepared.

My boy is becoming quite ravenous, clawing at my cheeks, opening me up to him, for him, as exposed as possible.

I can't get enough of his lips and tongue there, pushing my ass up in the air to grant him better access, and… _fuck, yes_… the friction of the mattress rubbing against my erection; I need that too!

I'm a complete thrashing mess, moving back and forth between grinding into the bed and searching out his mouth. And my sexy boy eats it up as he eats me up. He's loving it, telling me exactly how much, with gasping words between swipes and thrusts of his tongue.

"Fuck, Jas… you taste so good… so fucking good. Delicious, love. Can't get enough… never get enough…"

Somehow, he proceeds to dive deeper, so deep inside with that long, graceful tongue of his.

Why does this feel so good?

Edward suddenly pulls away to kneel above me. I look back at the erotic sight of him still between my legs, stoking his dick, his head hung low and eyes squinted shut. The dim light that filters in from the bathroom falls perfectly across his beautiful body, everything else in shadow. He opens his eyes, his gaze finding mine, so intense, telling me so many things.

Telling me of how much I turn him on. Of how he loves me. Of how rimming me has such an effect on him that he's going to cum all over me. Now.

And he does… he throws his head back and cums, tightening the grip of his free hand on the cheek of my ass, his fingers squeezing in time to each spurt of his beautiful cock. Shooting… three, four, five streams of his milky release all over my bottom and lower back as he moans deep and low.

I'm expecting him to collapse on top of me, but instead, he places his hands on either side of my head, holding his body just above mine as he lays sweet kisses on my shoulders and back. I feel his heavy, sated cock resting against my ass and I can't help but groan and rub against it.

"Shit, love… You're so sexy… turn me on so much. I couldn't hold off," he chuckles into my neck, tickling my skin and warming my heart at the same time.

"Mmmmnnn, baby. Not as much as you turn me on… that felt amazing!"

Grabbing his discarded t-shirt, he gently cleans his cum from my body. He lies on top of me, sucking on my neck, then mischievously murmuring in my ear, "I've only just begun..."

I shiver from the pleasure his husky voice promises.

Trailing kisses down my back to the crack of my ass, his fingers continue the sensuous trail until lightly brushing across my awaiting hole. I involuntarily begin the bucking and the moaning again.

"I couldn't quite reach with my tongue where we both need me to be. May I?" he breathlessly asks.

He's asking my permission to finger me, a request that I haven't granted anyone else, but of course, I want this with Edward.

I'll share anything with him. Any part of myself. Every part of myself.

"Yes, baby… please…"

He kisses my cheeks and then my hip, urging me to roll over onto my back, telling me he needs to see me, and taste me, too.

When he settles his hot mouth around my cock, I can't contain my fervent cries, the moist warmth almost sending me over the edge. He knows how close I am, and sucks accordingly.

Slowly. Languidly. Lightly and gently. Taking me deep, but barely touching me at the same time.

Such.

Sweet.

Torture.

I end up begging for his fingers. He enthusiastically complies, hastily grabbing the lube and slickening his fingers within what seems like mere seconds. Positioning my legs splayed open for him, he rubs one finger around my entrance while slipping my cock between his lips once more.

"Fuck, Edward… yes…" I cry, wantonly thrusting up into his mouth, then back onto his finger. It slips easily inside, all the way inside. Although there is a slight burn, it feels wonderful.

He stops sucking my cock, murmuring, "Oh shit, Jas… you're so tight… you're so hot…"

"Just wait till it's your _dick_ inside me, darlin'…"

"Oh fuck yeah… stroke yourself, love. I need to hold you."

He kisses up my body, never relenting the gentle thrust of his single finger inside me. His mouth claims mine, adding to the intimate moment, as he curls his finger just so, finding my love spot within. I moan into his mouth and roughly grind on his finger, fisting my leaking cock as each swipe of his finger makes my balls buzz in a way I've never experienced.

So this is what all the fuss is about.

Finally, all the loving my boy has given my ass - the gentle touches, the licks and sucks, and now the finger fucking – sends me past the point of no return. I couldn't stop my impending orgasm if my life depended on it.

"Fu… fu… fuck, baby! Cumming!" I moan into his mouth, the last words I'm able to form. My third orgasm of the night rips from my body, even more intense than the those previous. He continues to finger me, stroking my insides, prolonging my pleasure impossibly long.

I'm spent. Half conscious, can barely lift my head. He cleans me up and pulls me into his arms. I give up fighting my losing battle with sleep. The last weeks have left me exhausted. Hell, the last months have taken their toll. But that will all be different now. I have my boy and I'm not letting him go. My dreams begin. Our happy life together.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts!<strong>

**I've been nominated for The Emerging Swan Awards for Best Slash/FemSlash/Threeway Wip! **

**Voting is open through today, Sept. 21st. The link is on my profile if you want to go vote.**


	15. My Perfect Life

**Finally, here are the boys - back from Chicago. **

**Thanks and appreciation go to harrytwifan for betaing this and for making it better! Without her there would be far too many "thats" and "yets" for sure, lol.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. This story has beautiful boy love and sex and cuddling and all that yummy sort-of stuff. Don't read if you're not into that. And you must be 18!**

**Song inspiration- **_**I Won't Give Up**_** by **_**Jason Mraz**_**, **_**You Got Me**_** by **_**Colbie Caillat**_**, **_**All I Ever Needed**_** by **_**Paul McDonald and Nikki Reed**_**, and back to the basics… **_**Never Gonna Be Alone**_** by **_**Nickelback**_

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 15 – My Perfect Life<strong>

**Jpov**

I love waking up in _our_ bed. No matter what position I find myself in when morning arrives, Edward is here, right next to me, snuggling against me, as close and he can be. Sometimes, I'm safely swathed in his loving embrace; sometimes, he's in mine. Our limbs always entwined, our bodies touching in as many places as possible.

Just yesterday, I awoke with him lightly snoring on top of me, his face nuzzled into my neck and my arms wrapped protectively around him. He'd dozed off in my arms hours earlier, just like that- after awakening me in the night. I'm not exactly sure what first beckoned me from my deep sleep; either his wanton groans, or the feel of his ass squeezing and massaging my sweetly aching erection. Probably a combination of the two, plus the myriad of sounds, sensations, and his sweet musky scent - all bombarding me at once. As the haze of sleep lifted, my eyes fluttered open to the sexy sight of him above me…around me... everywhere. Straddling my waist with his strong legs wrapped around mine, his feet hooked beneath my thighs. He desperately clawed at my chest with searching fingers. The rise and fall of his body as he took me within himself was breathtaking.

Greeting each new day tangled up in him, warms my heart – and arouses other parts of my anatomy. Thankfully, our close proximity has the same effect on him. We've taken to setting the alarm an hour early to ensure that we have time to sate our bodies, to reassure our souls, before we begin each new day.

Life just doesn't get any better than this. I find myself saying this phrase to myself over and over again. I am living my perfect life.

We've been back from Chicago for just a few weeks, yet we've already settled into a comfortably domestic routine. He works days at the hospital, while I spend my days in my studio. Most nights we're both home by dinner time, and we cook together or meet the gang at the bar. I've been late the last few nights though, catching up on my collection. Much to Rose's relief, I almost have enough pieces for my next show, now that I'm able to work again.

Last night, however, I was finishing up a special piece. A painting for Edward I then hung with the others when I came in, before climbing the stairs to our bedroom to find him asleep.

Naked and asleep. I drank in the gorgeous sight of him, the bedside lamp casting soft light on his perfect body. His Kindle lay on the bed beside him, reading glasses slightly askew on his beautiful face. The sheet was draped across his hips, barely above the short auburn curls I knew to nestle his slumbering cock - I couldn't help but quickly remove my clothes, dropping them behind me as I instinctively moved across the room to my beautiful boy. Once by his side, I removed his glasses before waking him up with a deep and demanding kiss.

Needless to say… he didn't get back to sleep for quite some time.

Which brings us to here and now, in our bed, in one another's arms, as dawn barely breaks. Outside, the sky is just showing signs of light. I'm wide awake, reveling in everything Edward; reminiscing on how incredibly my life has changed in just barely a month and a half, how exceedingly he has changed his life to be with me. As if it's been such an easy thing to do…to make me the center of his world, and come out to his family and our friends. Yet, he's done just that with what can be only described as pride and excitement.

It certainly hasn't hurt that his parents, extended family, and our friends are all open-minded people whose main concern is our happiness. Plus, the easy to see fact that Edward and I belong together has helped, I'm sure.

He first introduced me as his boyfriend to his cousins and co-workers on my third night in Chicago. It wasn't a surprise to them, since they had heard all about me; they greeted me with open arms. Having met his cousins a few times over the years, I'd feared that my previous easy rapport with them might be strained. They proved me wrong.

Kate pulled me aside at one point to tell me how happy she was that I make Edward happier than she's ever seen him.

"You complete him, Jasper. I just know you were meant to be together," she said once she had me alone at the bar, while running her fingers through her long auburn hair, much as Edward does his matching tousled locks. She'd not very nonchalantly insisted I accompany her to the bar, having made me quite nervous as to what she had to say, but her words put me at ease. "However…" she continued, "I've also seen him at his worst over you. I know the whole story, so I know that was his choice, but don't ever let me see him like that again. Okay, love?"

Her bluntness surprised me, yet I completely understood. So I promised her I'll spend the rest of my life making him exceedingly happy.

It was at about that time Riley arrived. I spotted him as he snuck up behind Edward, wrapping his arms around _my _boyfriend's waist while whispering something in his ear. Despite our friendly conversation on Edward's cell a few nights previous, jealously swirled inside me - starting in the pit of my stomach, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. But then Riley looked my way as Edward pointed me out. He greeted me with his genuine smile and I was done for after that. That dear boy has a way about him that draws you in. Suddenly, the images that had tormented me so, of his lips around my boyfriend's cock, were no longer infuriating, but strangely erotic instead.

The night was a delight, and my fears that Edward would be standoffish or _different _out amongst people were quickly put to rest. He kept me near, holding my hand or rubbing my leg under the table, never fighting our constant need for physical contact, even sneaking chaste kisses when possible.

I was in awe of him the entire night, in awe and head-over-heels in love with the amazing, self-assured man he is. It paled in comparison to the night he came out to his parents. He insisted we drive to their home in Forks straight from the airport as soon as we returned to Seattle. Just slightly nervous and extremely excited all the way, he dragged me inside their home by my hand when we arrived. His parents were speechless to see us… so excited to see their son, and myself, after too many months. Edward let go of my hand long enough to hug his mother and kiss her cheek, and then to do the same to his father. He proceeded to tenderly take my hand in his again, and then - right there in their foyer -he informed his parents of his newfound self-discovery and romantic love for me.

Exchanging a knowing look, Esme and Carlisle promptly descended upon us, hugging us both. They've always treated me like a son, filling in for the loving parents I never had, but I was touched for them to accept me as their son's partner so easily.

I breathed an audible sigh of relief at their acceptance. But Carlisle's next words caught me by surprise.

"Well… it took you boys long enough, but I knew you'd eventually figure things out."

Edward and I have visited both weekends since we've been home, trying to make up for lost time, trying to make up for deserting them the months we've spent figuring our shit out. Although they insist that there's nothing to forgive… it will take Edward some time to forgive himself for shutting them out. I'm sure he'll come to understand it was a necessary part of his process, something it seems his intuitive parents knew all along.

That left us with one more major coming out - to our closest friends here in Seattle. None of them were surprised in the least! Of course, Seth already knew Edward and I were finally together from the day he had to locate me after I ran from Edward's text from Riley. And Seth had known for years before that how I'd always felt for Edward.

Our other friends witnessed our first kiss so many months ago, then Edward's immediate absence because of said kiss, and my subsequent descent into despair. They were just thrilled to see us walk into the bar hand in hand, so relieved to have Edward back in all of our lives, and for us to be so happy together.

I'm pulled from my happy memories by the heat and light of the sun. The dawn is full upon us now, shining in the window right on my love in my arms.

It's Saturday; I should let him sleep in. I should, but I don't think I will. I don't think I can. Because I can't wait for him to see his painting -_ our_ painting, of our keys, entwined and dangling together. The green accents on mine and the blue on his the only colors - a stark contrast to black keys and chains on a sterling grey background.

The idea came to me when we first returned home from Chicago, as we attempted to fit some of Edward's shit into my formerly neat-and-tidy loft; now _our _too-small-and-crowded-for-all-of-his-shit loft. Fortunately, he has agreed to put much of it in storage until we get a bigger place.

My boy is a hoarder. We're going to need a much bigger place.

I remember finding him sitting on the coffee table amongst the boxes, staring up at the pictures hanging on the living room's brick interior wall. I've painted so many of him over the years, from portraits to abstracts. He'd never seen any of them until the night he suddenly showed up from Chicago. I'd hidden their existence, along with my infatuation and utter adoration of him.

A week after he fled our first kiss last New Year's, I hung four of my favorite paintings, along with the most recent – a dark and dramatic interpretation of his beautiful lips, the background a swirl of rich colors to display my myriad of tumultuous emotions. A bittersweet reincarnation of one of the best and worst moments of my life.

Our kiss. At the time, I thought it to be our first kiss and our last kiss... our _only_ kiss.

How very wrong I'd been about that.

Months and months later, just a few short weeks ago, amongst the moving mess, Edward asked to hear about each painting - when I'd painted each, why I'd painted each. So I told him the story behind them, one at a time – as we snuggled on the couch, his back against my chest, in my arms.

I began with the first I'd painted of him, just after the first time we met. The green background because of his mesmerizing green eyes that owned me from the moment I first gazed into them across the bar. I tried to capture his beauty with water color paints, his beautiful face just as he looked the night he first appeared in the bar with his friends. As he ordered a round of beers, I was immediately and irrevocably lost in his soulful gaze, having never been so attracted to anyone in my previous 26 years. If there's such a thing as love at first sight, I experienced it that night with this boy.

The next picture he wanted to hear about was the largest of the group, the one of him running just ahead of me on the beach. He recognized the setting, considering we've run there many times over the years, on his favorite beach at Golden Gardens Park. The day I painted it was a day of revelations for me. After our run, we sat on the beach talking and laughing. He looked so fucking sexy, all sweaty and flushed, hanging on my every word. It was a perfect day until our conversation turned to Bella. He'd been dating her for a few months, and on that day on our beach, he told me he was in love with her. He seemed so happy. I was happy for him, already having excepted he would never be mine; that he was straight. Yet my heart broke that day for the love that would never be returned to me. It was then I realized I was truly head over heels in love with him, which led to me painting all night - his beautiful form running ahead of me. Away from me. Forever my friend. Only my friend. Forever out of reach. Or so I thought.

Edward sighed in my arms, simply staring at that picture for long moments. "I'm sorry I was so blind for so long, Jas," he whispered as he twisted in my embrace, hiding his face from me in the crook of my neck. But I could feel the wet of his tears. My sweet, emotional boy.

I didn't want him to hurt, to regret anything. Reassuringly, I whispered into his hair as I rubbed his back, "No baby, please… none of that. In the past, I painted to express the love I felt but couldn't reveal. Now, I can paint to show you… to tell you. There's nothing to be sad about."

He remained quiet as I assured and soothed him. Eventually, after some sweet, sensual kisses, he asked about the painting of his eyes. The one of just his eyes, with various shades of green swirling and mingling. What more was there to say. That picture speaks a thousand words.

I then explained the painting of his lips, of how it signified our kiss. Again he grew quiet, taking it in, processing and remembering, until he thanked me for kissing him, for loving him, for waiting.

"I'm so glad you kissed me, Jasper! So fucking glad…"

"Me too, baby… me too!"

Finally, his gaze fell to the last of the pictures, his breath quickening as he studied the painting of himself sleeping on my couch. Edward just stared at his picture, as if he couldn't look away.

He pointed at the most sensual, personal one of the collection. His lust filled voice practically moaned, "That one, Jas. That one's my favorite."

"Yes," I huskily replied, as I stared at the picture with him. The one in which I captured his beauty along with my feelings of love and lust for him. The one of him asleep on the very couch we were presently sitting. The couch where we shared the kiss that sent him reeling, that drove him away. Where he came back to me – for me, where we finally found each other. Where we first made love. Where we shared other firsts, such as the first time he took me into his mouth, drawing my orgasm with his skillful tongue.

A tell-tale blush crept up his cheeks - breathtaking and adorable and innocently erotic. I quickly realized my boy wasn't the only one embarrassed. I too felt warmth coloring my cheeks as I knew he knew… that he could see. From looking at that picture of himself, he could see how I watched him when he slept. He could see of the love and lust and longing that went into my painting him just so. It was evident in the soft, feathery brushstrokes and warm, inviting colors; in the way he lay beautiful and sexy, on his back in jeans and a soft grey t-shirt. One arm resting bent and above his head, his face snuggled into his bicep, perfect pink, pouty lips, slightly smiling in his sleep. His other arm rested across his stomach, hand curled suggestively just above the waistband of his jeans, legs splayed open, one bent and resting against the back of the couch.

When he eventually spoke, his words set my mind and heart at ease. They told me he understood. That he didn't mind my secret obsession. That he didn't mind having been the unsuspecting subject of my paintings. He turned toward me, straddling my lap, whispering between soft kisses on my open and asking lips.

"The night I came back… the night I finally came for you, Jas… I knew I'd done the right thing when I saw that picture… I knew you loved me. I knew you must still love me to have that picture hanging amongst the others. Thank you for showing me."

No more words were spoken. Words just weren't enough. Instead, we expressed ourselves with his body on mine, mine inside his. With gentle touches, reverent moans, and heartfelt groans - as we made love once more on our couch.

Thoughts of the way we came together figuratively and literally that night, quicken my pulse every time I remember. One more incredible memory to add to the many we've already created.

I can't help but reach for my erection with the hand that isn't cradling Edward, as I remember him above me - our bodies, our minds, and our hearts solidifying the commitment we were making by moving in together. Yet again, we soothed and apologized, promised and pledged our hearts to one another forever more.

I need my boy again; I'm still thirsty for him. My long, unrequited love for him has left me parched. I may never get enough. Somehow I doubt I ever will, for I know what life without him as my lover is like. I lived it for far too long. I will never take the way he now looks at me for granted. Or the way he lets me know in little ways throughout each day of the passion and love he now feels for me, that he now shares with me.

_Mmmmmm_… he may be sleeping peacefully in my arms, but I feel parts of him awake, hard and heavy against my thigh. Feeling him there, so aware of me and ready, always - reminds me of where he almost put his hard and heavy again last night. _Fuck… I want him to so badly._

Again last night, he took me to new levels of ecstasy with his tongue and then fingers inside. I can't get enough of him there, and he hasn't even fucked me yet.

We came so close last night. He almost slipped inside. But he didn't. At the last second, he begged for me instead, and of course, I could not deny giving him what he wanted. What he needed. How my boy needs my cock…

I think about it all the time now…. him taking this last step, filling me the way I fill him.

I'm ready.

Memories of the way he woke me the first night I went to Chicago have me blushing. The way he took charge and dove right in so to speak, was so incredibly hot. His fingers inside me felt so good. As they have numerous times since. I need all of him inside me soon. Very soon. I'm not sure what is holding him back at this point, but I'm trying not to rush him. And it's so fucking hard. He'll let me know when he's ready, though. I know he will.

But for now, I just need to bury my cock in his tight heat, again. Right now. This morning. Before I show him his picture, or we do anything else.

I urge him to roll onto his stomach. He sleepily complies, snuggling into his pillow; his deep peaceful breaths telling me his slumber continues_._

_Hmmmnnn… But not for long. What I intend to do to you will surely wake you, baby._

I can't help but put my hands where I need them to be, one on his sexy slender hip, and the other between the cheeks of his ass. Beginning the slow grind of my cock between his legs, I'm so hard and leaking already, aching to be inside him again.

My fingers find his hole, still loose enough that two slip easily inside. He's moaning now, his body responding to what I'm doing; my fingers in his ass, my lips kissing and nipping at his shoulders and his neck.

Thankfully, the lube is within reach. I hastily grab it and lift away from his warm and now writhing body to dribble lube down his crack. And then I'm back on top of him, my cock gliding in the silky euphoria that is the slickened embrace the junction of his plump cheeks provides. As good as this feels, I can't revel in these sensations any longer. My dick knows what it wants, and it wants Edward surrounding it, devouring it. It finds its way without any help from me, and I'm there in his heat. I'm home, as my cock slips inside my love.

Whimpering, he moves his ass to allow my deepest penetration.

_That's it, baby…_ my beautiful boy below me, waking up because I'm inside him.

Every time with him I'm more turned on than the last.

He's incredible.

Just for me.

"That's it… my sleepy boy. Take my cock, darlin'. You want it, don't you? You want my cock, again…"

"Yes… need it… need you, love."

_Oh, yeah… now he's awake…_

I pull out and thrust back in. Out and in, crying out with each stroke at the perfect way his body covets mine. And he's moaning and writhing and begging.

"Fuck yes, Jas… right there… oh, right there… fuck, right there!"

His moans become screams as I hit his sweet spot again and again. I won't last much longer with him below me like this, responding to my every move like he does. He's always so responsive… each passionate moan, each pant or cursed word under his breath egging me on – letting me know he shares the sensations that rocket through my body.

"Fuck, yes! Jas… I'm cumming!"

He takes me with him with the trembling of his form and spasms from within. Holding him tightly, I attempt to continue thrusting, prolonging the blinding pleasure for us both.

Just a few minutes later, he's wiggling from beneath me, despite my pleas for him to stay put. I tell him we can clean up later. I beg him to stay in bed with me, but he lures me from our bed with promises of a very long shower if I'll run with him.

Unable to refuse shower time with Edward, we're soon running the streets of Seattle on a beautiful September morning. I realize, in my sated haze, I forgot to show him the picture of our keys. Somehow we rushed right past it without him noticing, either.

I'm like a kid on Christmas morning, like somehow giving him this picture is receiving it myself. I attempt to rush us through our run, but he needs nourishment. I relent, and give in to his pleas to stop at the bagel shop.

Finally, we head for home. Edward insists on running behind me, and when I find him ogling my ass for the hundredth time, I have to ask…"Enjoying the view?"

Slowing to a light jog, he takes the hint and falls in beside me. I quirk an eyebrow his way.

His blush is apparent despite his already reddish coloring due to the exertion from our physical activity.

_Fuck._ I could throw him down right here on the pavement. He really can't blush like that and not expect my body to need his immediately.

He can't help glancing back, trying to get a glimpse of my flexing backside from beside me. With a growl, he says, "Do you have any idea how hot your ass is when you're running? It is always, but fuck, Jas. When you're running… ugh! When you're running…"

"What, darlin'? When I'm running… what?"

"Oh… and now you go and throw your _darlin'_ at me! What the hell are you trying to do to me, Jas?"

"Well, excuse me, darl… _baby._ I do apologize. Edward then… when I'm running? What?"

His eyes darken, and the hungry look in them almost causes me to lose my timing and miss my next step. And then he finally answers me…

"Let me just say that I can't wait to be buried there, Jas. Like today… I need to fuck you today."

The need in his voice has my cock hardening in my running shorts. Of course, he notices. Between glances ahead to ensure he doesn't fall on his face, he stares back and forth between the bouncing bulge in the front of my shorts and my flexing ass in the back of them. The look in his eyes becomes purely predatory.

We make it home in record time. Despite making our way to the stairs while heavily making out, the new picture of our keys catches Edward's eye.

"Jasper? What? When?" he squeaks out before becoming teary eyed. He walks up to his painting, reaching over head to trace our keys.

"I've been working on it the last few days, but I finished it last night. And hung it when I got in."

"It's perfect, Jas… just like you. Just like us. Thank you," he mutters, before returning to my side and touching his open lips to mine. I melt into his kiss, barely noticing him guiding me toward the steps, then lying me back to rest on them.

We quickly become hot and heavy as we always do, despite being hot and sweaty. We're grinding and groping, gripping cocks and already nearing climaxes right here on the steps. Yet, we know we need to take this elsewhere; the shower first and then the bed. Because the time has come for Edward to make love_ to_ me.

Somehow, we manage to slow things down in the shower. We languidly wash every inch of each other, carefully not giving into our need for friction. It is unspoken between us that the next time we cum will be together with him inside me.

Just as we're drying off, his cell phone rings; the ring he has designated as the hospital. The look on his face as he takes the call stops me in my tracks. He's off within in seconds, rushing around the room, hastily pulling on socks and underwear, then his khakis and a button down.

_Oh shit… this isn't good._

"I have to go, Jas. One of my patients needs me. It doesn't sound like he'll make it this time. I have to go… now!"

With a quick kiss, he disappears down the steps. I hear the front door slam as I stand in the middle of the room, still soaking wet.

But I understand. I've seen him like this before. He cares so much for his patients, immediately becoming invested in each one personally. I must prepare for the worst, for how he'll be if he loses this one. I just can't stand the thought of seeing him like that.

With a heavy heart, I pull on some sweats and sit down to call his mother.

* * *

><p><strong>Hmmmnnnn… well, there we go. I hope it was worth the wait. I'd love to hear from you! I've been trying to catch up on review replies, but in case I missed you, please be assured that your reviews are much appreciated! And inspiring! I've had a few "guest" reviews that I can't reply to, so thanks so much if that was you!<strong>

**Next up, back to the **_**Sometimes**_** boys and the conclusion of my toys4tots Christmas Wishes contribution story **_**Dreaming of Snowflake Kisses**_**. Oh, and one more chapter and then an epilogue for these ITC boys. **

**Check out my banners and such on facebook – I'm Married Myedward. There are links to the things I post on my tmblr there, too.**


	16. Fix You

**Here it is, lovelies! The last chapter, besides from the epilogue.**

**My sweet beta and precious friend harrytwifan has helped make every chapter possible! Thank you my dear!**

**These boys have been nominated for Best Slash and Best quote(Jasper) in the Non-Canon awards! Voting ends today! Details below.**

**Disclaimer – I don't own anything Twilight. Wish I did but I don't. This is slash – boy lovin' and sexin'. You must be of legal age to read further!**

**Song inspirations- **_**Fix You**_** by **_**Coldplay**_** and **_**Like a Prayer**_** by **_**Madonna**_

* * *

><p><strong>Ch. 16- Fix You<strong>

**Jpov**

Since Edward's hasty departure this morning; I've cleaned out the fridge, washed three loads of laundry, made a quick run to the corner store for supplies for Esme's chicken soup, prepared said chicken soup, and reorganized our DVD's into alphabetical order. All of which took place after my very long and involved conversation with Esme.

Though I'm still filled with nervous energy, my body has given out. Thus, I'm sprawled on the couch staring at my love's likenesses on the wall and the painting of our entwined keys.

Five hours…the time that has passed since he left for the hospital; since I've heard from him. When I'm painting, five hours can pass in the blink of an eye. Yet, these past five hours have felt like a lifetime.

I've loved Edward from afar, and I've loved him up close. I've loved him secretly, and I've loved him completely and openly, baring my soul.

I've needed him when he wasn't mine to need, and God knows…I've longed for him.

I've worried for him, too. When he was in Chicago those seven months, I worried for his well-being and happiness every minute of every day.

Yet, the emotion I've felt for him today is brand new to me. The all-encompassing concern, knowing that I'm helpless to do anything but wait and see if my boy comes home wrecked, is driving me insane.

He's mine now. Finally. And I am his. I've promised to take care of him, to be here for him. However, I've never been able to reach him when he's suffered a loss of a patient. He's always become so thoroughly affected by each loss, even when I first met him when he was just a resident. The only person who has ever been able to bring him out of his despair is his mother. She shows up with her homemade chicken soup and reassuring whispers; Edward reappears later, all better, having accepted and reconciled his loss, back to his usual chipper self again.

I figured this morning's call to Esme would be to alert her to stock up on chicken and clear her schedule for her son's eminent need of his momma. But she had other ideas - assuring me that she'll of course come if absolutely necessary, but that it's me whom Edward needs now. That it's me he'll need to soothe him from now on when he's wary.

"It's not that I no longer want to help him through this, Jasper. Quite the opposite, actually." I could hear the sad smile in her voice through the phone. "It's just that I've seen how he is with you these past few weeks, and how you are with him. How you've always been with him. You calm him. You complete him, honey. You're the one he needs. Trust me on this… a mother knows."

I'm simultaneously touched, while also petrified, that she feels I'm up for the job.

I must've dozed off from the stress of the day, because the next thing I'm aware of is Edward. I feel his presence hovering above me before I open my eyes. I register the sudden shadowing of the late day sunlight that's shone through the window, warming me as I slept. I smell the unique scent of him, pure male and absolutely delicious, now tinged with a just-home-from-the-hospital, sterilized scent. I feel his warmth. I feel his soul, mine at peace now that he is home.

When I finally open my eyes, the sight of him above me, still in his scrubs, takes my breath away. Fucking beautiful. There's something about a man in uniform, but in the garb of a doctor who uses his expertise to save lives, not to mention the way he greenish color compliments his mossy eyes… Yeah, fucking beautiful.

He looks wild, though, his copper hair even more of a mess than usual. His eyes are blazing as he looks at me with hunger and pain. A tear trickles down his cheek, and I know. He's lost his patient, and this Edward above me is grieving and angry. This Edward needs me in a way he's never needed me before.

I can't let him down. I won't.

I reach up to him, brushing the wayward hair from in front of his eyes. He supports himself with one hand on the back of the couch just behind my head, the other gripping the arm of the couch beside me. I trace the line of his stubbly jaw up to his eyes, where I swipe away the remnants of moisture gathered there.

If only I could steal away his pain as easily as his tears wipe away.

"Edward, sweetheart… I love you. It will be okay," I tell him softly.

His knuckles turn white, squeezing the arm of the couch as he hangs his head, barely shaking it from side to side.

"Tell that to the children who will never see their grandfather, again. Tell that to his wife who can't hold him again. Ever. I promised her… I promised I'd do everything in my power…" he hoarsely murmurs, just under his breath.

I keep my hand rooted to his cheek now, and my other holds his on the arm of the couch. If I say the right thing, I'll convince him. I just need to ease his pain. I need to take away his guilt. His so very misplaced guilt. Why does he do this to himself?

"You did everything you could, Edward. I'm sure of it."

He lifts his gaze to mine, breathing heavily. We stay like this - him staring at me, me staring at him. I try to convey everything I want to say to him with my eyes. I tell him of what a competent, talented doctor he is, that these things happen, that sometimes it's simply a person's time to go. That sometimes there is simply nothing that can be done to deny death.

I silently tell him all of this, and he wants to believe me; I know that he does. I'm sure he believes in himself deep down inside somewhere. But for now, the gears are moving in his brilliant head, behind his wild eyes. He's thinking of every decision… incision… twitch of a finger that might have enabled a more fortunate outcome.

The fiery light behind his eyes flickers. Then his beautiful greens dull; they glaze over right before my eyes. It's as if he has surrendered. Not agreed, but conceded.

Suddenly, his mouth claims mine, desperate and painful. Feral. He hangs over me, clutching the couch, assaulting my mouth with his. The brutality of it doesn't stop my body from reacting to him. We've never come together like this, from a place of anger and escape as opposed to love and tenderness. But I understand what he's asking; I recognize what he needs. He needs to control. He needs to possess. He needs to lose himself in me, in the effect he and I always have on one another.

He needs to forget.

I can give him that.

I pull him down to me, wrapping my arms and legs around him. His moans mix with mine. Lifting me as if I'm as light as a feather, he repositions us so that he lies on top of me, our longs legs stretched out on the couch, entangled together. And then we're grinding and panting, pulling and grasping. I feel how badly he needs this through our jeans, against my own straining erection. Every ounce of his pent up emotions channeled into this desperate act for release. His body needs this as much as his mind needs a break from his remorseful thoughts. Yet, a voice in the back of my head - that I really don't want to listen to - is questioning if this is a good idea. Will our desperate coupling really help him in the long run?

I try to listen to the pesky voice of reason, I try to slow things down, but he'll have none of it. He reassures me this is what he needs.

Between greedy kisses, he pants into my mouth, "Please. Need you… need this. Make me forget, love. Please?"

I cannot deny him. Nor do I want to.

My t-shirt and his scrubs top are quickly pulled away, our lips barely parting, our hands groping and squeezing. Pushing his bottoms down, his beautiful cock springs free to rest on my stomach and I know what I need to do. I need to taste him. I need to suck him. I need him in my mouth. Right. Now.

Propping my head up, I encourage my moaning boy with his engorged and leaking cock to straddle my upper body. He's desperately shimmies up, holding on to the couch behind my head and looking down at me with pure lust and need in his eyes.

"That's it, sweetheart. Fuck, my face darlin'. Let me take care of you."

My gaze stays locked on his as he guides his cock along my lips, teasing them, then my eager tongue, with his wet tip. I savor his flavor as it slowly spreads. Soon, I'm the one begging. I beg to feel his sex in my mouth. I beg for the feel of his silky hardness moving in and out along my tongue. I crave him hitting the back of my throat over and over until he fills my mouth with his load.

He grants my wishes, thrusting the whole of his cock in as far as my throat will allow. I open up for him so he can fuck with abandon, watching him the entire time through watering eyes, grasping the cheeks of his ass to encourage and guide him.

I can't deny my need to touch my own throbbing cock, neglected in my jeans. The rough denim and tight confines have provided enough friction to bring me close to orgasm, yet not nearly enough to get me there. I tear one hand away from Edward's perfect ass to trail down my tense stomach. Fumbling to unbutton my jeans one-handed, I'm finally able to reach inside. Squeezing my cock, I moan around Edward as he continues to plunge into my mouth. I'm already on the brink from the glorious sight and feel of my boy above me, wantonly fucking my mouth, claiming me as his, taking from me what he needs in this moment. It's hot and beautiful, somehow fulfilling something deep inside.

He continues to stare down at me. Sweat trickles down his brow, his body tense with his efforts. He seems strung as tight as a high tension cable about to snap. I know he'll cum soon when he starts chanting my name with every thrust of his hips, every descent of his cock down my throat. I expect him to cum buried there, but instead, he stops his thrusting and pulls almost completely out of my mouth, stroking his glistening erection. The tip rests perfectly on my extended tongue.

He pants and moans his intentions to me. "Need to see… need to see my cum fill up your mouth, Jas. Fuck… so hot!"

One of my hands remains in my briefs, pulling on my own dick, so fucking close to cumming just like this. With the other, I give his balls a squeeze, then a tug. He throws his head back and cries out; I feel the first jet of his warm cum hit my tongue. I join him in release, grunting through it as he fills my mouth with shot upon shot of his salty, sweet seed.

Finally spent, he crumples in my arms, drawing himself up into a ball. I feel his body shaking before I hear his sobs. I don't know what to do but to just hold him like this, whispering reassuring words into his hair, berating myself the entire time. Why didn't I get him to talk through his emotions? Sure, he was begging for it, but I knew better.

"It's okay… sweetheart. That's it. Let it all out… I'm here."

Slowly, he calms down and his cries subside. I'm thinking of what to say, of what to do to help him get through this, when I feel his lips on my neck, ghosting up my jaw. Then he's kissing me with a vengeance and all I can do is moan beneath him. I am putty in his hands, regardless of the situation. When his hand travels down my torso, inching towards my groin, I fight against the lustful haze to stop him.

"No, baby… no need for that." I take his hand in mine, ceasing its descent, and entwining our fingers.

"But I want to take care of you," he insists as he fights back more tears, yet continues to pepper sweet kisses on my lips.

"You already did… I came so hard just from watching you." I chuckle, glancing down at the mess now in my underwear.

He joins me with a barely there chuckle and a rosy blush to match. I see a fleeting glimpse of happiness in his eyes, along with embarrassment. Relief washes over me, through me, as I am assured he's going to be okay.

For now, though, his droopy eyes tell me he needs to rest. I encourage him to cuddle in beside me, in my arms. Within minutes, his breathing slows as he succumbs to the day's emotional and physical demands, as slumber gives him some much needed peace. He whimpers in his sleep now and again, snuggling closer whenever I kiss his temple or lightly rub his back. We stay like this until darkness blankets the room and the rumblies in his tumblies reach a fevered pitch. He continues to sleep restlessly in my arms, but eventually, I decide his need for food outweighs his need for further rest.

"Edward, sweetheart… wake up, sleepy head." I pull him even closer against me, rubbing his back, laying gentle kisses on his cheeks and eyelids. "Edward, you need to eat, baby. Can you wake up for me?"

"Mmmmm…" he moans what I think is a good moan, burrowing into my arms as close as he can be. As he slowly awakens, I whisper his name, telling him how much I love him and that I'll always be here for him, every day. Good day and bad days.

He finally pulls away from me just a little bit, enough for me to see his eyelids flutter open, his sparkling eyes gazing back at me less distressed and calmer now. A light smile graces his cherry lips.

"Jas?" he queries, his sleep laden voice full of wonder.

"Yes, baby?"

"I heard you. It was dark… I was lost. I guess I was dreaming, but then I heard you calling to me. And I felt safe. I knew everything would be okay because I heard your voice. I followed your voice." He looks at me all dreamy-like, with such love and trust, reaching for me; warming my heart.

"You're right, baby. You heard my voice. I was calling to you to wake you up. Telling you I'll always be here. That everything will be okay. It will always be okay because I'll always be here for you."

"I know it will. I know _you_ will. I'm feeling much better, thanks to you. Thank you for giving me what I needed. I'm sorry I kind of attacked you… I just… I just needed…"

He struggles for words, embarrassed. _No, baby…_

I attempt to reassure him that needing my body was alright. It was just fine, more than fine! "Shhhh… stop, Edward! No need to apologize. I'm glad I could help. I'll always help in you in any way I can, and lucky me if I get to help you by letting you make love to my mouth like you did. That was so incredibly hot!"

That seems to have done the trick; he visibly relaxes, and his eyes glaze over with lust instead of uncertainty.

"Damned right it was hot. It was just what the doctor ordered. Take two aspirin, fuck you're hot-as-hell boyfriend's gorgeous mouth, and call me in the morning," he quips while rubbing his thumb over my bottom lip and licking his. "I'll be needing to fuck that pretty mouth of yours much more often."

"Fuck, Edward, you'll be needing to do it again in just a minute if you keep talking like that." Edward with a dirty mouth is so sexy…

"I love you so much" he says before brushing his lips against mine. By the time he pulls away, I'm breathless and needy. I remind myself I woke him for reasons other than getting off, such as quieting his rumblies and sating his tumblies. His thoughts obviously match mine; he sits up, pulling me with him, and sniffing the air.

"Do I smell chicken soup?" he questions.

"Why, yes you do. I hope you don't mind me making it for you instead of your mom."

"You made mom's chicken soup? For me?"

"Yes, sweet heart. I thought you might need it. I called your mom and she suggested I make it for you, instead of her this time."

"How did I get so lucky? You're amazing… thank you!" he says as he straddles my lap, then peppering my face with kisses. I get distracted from feeding him, yet again, as my hands find the round cheeks of his ass to squeeze, pulling him closer. His kisses spread to my neck, yet I manage to continue our conversation.

_Food… chicken soup… my boy needs to eat_!

"It's the least I could do, darlin'. I'm sure it won't hold a candle to hers, but I think it'll do."

"You've done so much, love. And maybe-just maybe- you can do one more thing for me tonight?"

"Mmmnnn… what might that be?" If he's talking about what I think he is, and I'm really thinking he is by the gleam in his eye and the way his hands have found my ass, pulling me against him.

He stops his kisses to pull away, shy and uncertain all of a sudden. "Maybe we can pick up where we left off this morning? Maybe you'd allow me to make love _to_ you? Tonight?"

My precious boy amazes me again, how he so quickly becomes sweet and timid as opposed to his flirting just a moment ago.

I answer him with a desperate kiss, my tongue slipping past his lips to stroke his so suggestively. I whimper into his mouth, pulling him impossibly closer as we begin a slow grind. We can't get close enough, until his stomach lets out a growl of protest, loud enough to drown out both of our pants and moans.

I pull away from him, ending the kiss. It's practically painful to do so, but my love needs nourishment. With a little persuading, I talk him into halting our make-out session for now - to be resumed and expanded upon in our bedroom later.

Within minutes, he's moaning again. Moans of appreciation this time, with every spoonful of soup he consumes - three bowls worth before it's all said and done. My heart sings with pride and happiness to see him enjoying the soup I made for him. Magical chicken soup that heals his mind and spirit, and now I know the recipe.

Sitting at table in our little kitchen nook, I work up the courage to suggest something to Edward I've wondered about since I've known him, specifically every time I've seen him so distraught over a patient.

"Baby? Can I ask you something?" My voice comes out but a whisper, much more timid and much less self-assured than I would like.

He takes my hand, squeezing it. His gaze is open and accepting - encouraging, as always. "Of course, love. You can ask me anything. Always. You know that."

"Well… I'm just wondering if you've ever considered therapy? Like counseling or something to help you deal with the grief you feel when you… when a patient… passes? Doesn't Seth have a therapist."

There. I said it. He stares at me, blinking… a lot. Taking a deep breath, he leans his forehead against mine before he answers.

"I've never wanted to see a counselor or a psychologist. I've just never felt comfortable talking about _things _with a stranger. But you're right. I know it's a good idea. A lot of physicians do; I've heard it helps. Besides… for you, I will."

I gather him in my arms, and he's sniffling again. Not violently like before, just quietly and sadly.

"It's okay, baby. He or she won't be a stranger for long. Just try it. If you don't like it, you won't continue."

I hold him like this until the mood lightens around us and he's smiling against me, kissing his way from my neck to my lips. He tells me he'll try Seth's therapist; she specializes in doctors and grief counseling. He asks me to go with him at first.

I suggest we watch a movie and snuggle on the couch before going to bed. He easily agrees. Very easily, actually. It hits me that he needs some down time before we retire to our bedroom.

I can tell by the blush of his cheeks and the way he bites his lip, looking anywhere but directly into my eyes, he's nervous for what we plan to do once we go to bed. But I don't say a word, because I'm nervous, too. We're about to take a big step. The final physical step in giving ourselves to each other.

Not the ultimate step, though. That would be marriage. It _will_ be, because I intend to make Edward my husband. In fact, I can't wait. I've been allowing myself to imagine him as such more and more now that we're starting our lives together.

We cuddle under the multicolor afghan he's had since he was a child, finally deciding on the movie 'Varsity Blues'. He's ecstatic when he retrieves the movie, finding the dvds organized. He always appreciates the little things. I'm so fucking lucky.

As we watch the movie, I notice him squirming and maybe even drooling a little when Paul Walker is on the screen.

"Do you have a crush on Paul Walker?" I tease.

"Hmmnnn… I believe I do," he quietly admits, looking down at our entwined hands in his lap. He then adds, looking up at me through his eyelashes, "He kind of reminds me of you."

_Awe! How cute is he!_

Yeah, we don't watch much of the movie after that. By the time the closing credits roll, Edward and I are half naked, panting and hard as hell from our slow grind on the couch for an hour.

Somehow, we make it up the stairs and into the shower. Once we step under the warm cascading water, Edward takes it upon himself to cleanse me quite thoroughly; quite thoroughly, indeed. Not an inch of my body goes untouched, unlathered.

"It's my turn to take care of you," he tells me between kisses. I'm a trembling mess from his tentative caresses by the time he reaches for my aching cock, having saved it for last.

Dropping to his knees before me, he takes me into his warm, welcoming mouth and proceeds to give me the slowest, most tortuous-in-a-good-way head of my entire life. In the meantime, his fingers find my hole, teasing at first, then entering with assured thrusts. As he messages my prostate with his talented fingers, and finally… fucking finally sucks hard and deep on my cock – I shoot my release down his throat, nearly passing out from the force of it. I sink to the shower floor in his arms, seeing as he sinks right down there with me. We hold each other there for long minutes while I catch my breath and return to my senses.

My body still feels like jelly and my mind is in a haze, but I attempt to reciprocate - to stroke him or suck him, anything to relieve the discomfort his hard as stone erection has to be causing him.

"No, love," he tells me while coaxing my fingers from around his cock. He kisses each of my knuckles in between his heartfelt words. "I need to be inside you when I cum. So you can't touch me until then, or I won't last very long," he chuckles.

This is it. Finally it! He's not backing down. I'm sure as hell not backing down. Edward will finally make love to me tonight. I realize I'm no longer nervous. Quite the opposite; I cannot wait. I've not bottomed for almost a decade and a half, since I was barely a man and gave myself to the wrong lover. I never thought I would again after that traumatic experience. I've sure as hell not wanted to since, until now. I want this with Edward. I know he's the one I didn't even know I was waiting for. The only one, ever again.

He dries me and I dry him. He groans, and I can't help but laugh a little when the towel so much as barely touches his incredibly hard dick.

"Fuck, Jas, you turn me on so damned much. You're so sexy, and sucking you off is one of the most erotic things I've ever experienced."

"Yeah?" I respond, speechless beyond that one bewildered word. I still find it hard to believe I now affect him as he's always affected me.

"Fuck, yeah. You know everything with you is."

I pull him along toward, but stall once we reach the foot, suddenly unsure. Not unsure about being penetrated again. I'm ready and willing and wanting. But I'm unsure of how he'll like it compared to his experiences with women. Could that be why he's waited until now?

He senses my sudden uncertainty, asking me what's wrong, coaxing the truth from me. He deserves the truth before we proceed.

I bury my face in his neck and hold onto him for dear life, telling him with words muffled by his skin. I have to repeat myself once he forces me to look into his eyes; his open and reassuring green eyes.

"Um… I just hope it's as good as when you've been with a woman. What I mean to say is, well… obviously, it should feel as good on your… um… you know, your cock. Better because it's tighter. But it'll be different."

"Oh, love," he gasps while rubbing my arms. "Sweetheart, of course I'll like it tons more than I ever did with woman. I'm gay, remember? The thought of fucking you is so much more of a turn on than the thought of being with a woman ever was. And I know how good it feels; I can't wait to make you feel that way. And it's you, Jasper. Everything with you is special. I love you!"

What he says and the way he says it with conviction and love exploding from every word causes me to feel silly for having worried about such a thing.

But then it's his turn for uncertainty. He brings up something he's mentioned a few times these last few weeks.

"Just remember it's been a while for me, and I've never made love to a man. I might completely suck at it and screw it up, no pun intended." He ends with a chuckle.

I tell him again what I've told him before. I repeat the words he just said to me. "You won't hurt me, baby. I'll talk you through it, but you won't. And it's you, Edward. Everything with you is special. I love you."

We crawl under the sheets and back into each other's arms. Home. We crawl back into home.

We try to take it slow, but we can't. Within minutes, I'm on my stomach, grasping the pillow my face is buried in, as he licks and sucks at my entrance. I'm a writhing mess, begging for him to fuck me. Yes, literally begging and pleading for him to fuck me.

"Please… baby… need you… fuck me. Now, Edward! Fuck me!"

He kneels behind me, readying me for him with lube and gentle fingers, lubing himself for me and stroking his beautiful cock. Looking back at him, he is gorgeous and intense, his eyes alight with lust and love. There is nothing I want more in this moment than to do what we are about to do. I need him inside me. So I leave him no more choice. Rolling onto my back, I spread my legs for him, baring myself to him.

"Love you so much," he tells me, situating between my legs as I hold them open. Lined up and barely pushing inside, such restraint it must take, but he leans down and kisses me, the gentlest of kisses. We continue to share gentle tongue kisses as he slowly, so fucking slowly, pushes inside. He doesn't stop until he's all the way in. Oh God, my Edward is inside me.

It burns and feels full. It feels tight. It feels so fucking right.

I'm holding my breath and forgetting to breath. Then I'm gasping for air and trembling in his arms, because he's inside me and it feels like everything it should in every way it should. Everything I expected, but so incredibly much more.

I'm overcome. I'm overwhelmed.

I hear him calling to me. I focus on his words, following them until I can focus on what he's saying.

"Jasper, love? Are you okay, is everything okay? Am I hurting you? We can stop, baby. Please answer me!"

I hold him to me, begging him to stay right where is. "No, baby. I'm okay. I'm perfect. It's perfect."

He relaxes above me, the concern on his face transforming into happiness that mirrors my own. "Yes, perfect. Fuck, Jas… you feel so good. So tight! I can't stay still for long, need to move. Are you ready?"

"Yes, please. I'm ready. Fuck me."

Without another word, he does as I ask, what he needs so badly to do. He pulls out slowly, then pushes back in. Propped up on his arms and looking at where we're joined, he curses and whispers, telling my how good it feels, how beautiful I am, how much he loves me.

And then our hands are entwined on either side of my head. He lies on top of me, fucking me with a slow grind of his hips, a delicious plunge and retreat. All the while, my engorged cock caresses between our bellies with every move we make.

Damn, my boy can fuck. He gives every bit as well as he takes, and I tell him with whimpers and barely audible words as he drives me to the edge again and again.

Finally, he begs me to cum before him, his words the catalyst to an orgasm that ignites from deep within where his cock strokes my prostate. A different kind of orgasm than I've ever experienced. So full, my ass feels so full of him, my soul full of the love radiating between us. My cock so sensitive between us; it's all just too much. I fall apart in his arms and he falls apart in mine, yelling my name and thrusting; he continues thrusting us through our long, intense mutual release.

Minutes later, we begin to move. I realize the moisture on my face isn't only sweat, but tears from our passionate union–in more ways than one.

Edward has tears in his eyes, streaming down his cheeks, too. We don't speak as we wipe one another's tears of joy away. Edward cleans us up, and then we lie beside each other, facing each other, holding hands between us. We gaze and smile, nodding off from time to time, only to wake up and gaze and smile again. Because we don't need to say it. This is it for both of us. We are it. And we have our entire lives to spend together.

As we eventually drift off to sleep, we finally speak the words that sum up everything true in our lives.

"I love you, Jasper."

"I love you, Edward."

…

_A few months later…_

I sit in my familiar, yet new, spot as I anxiously watch the door for his arrival. Familiar, because I feel as if I've lived half my life from here. New, because it is no longer a solitary, lonely place full of longing and pain. It has become_ our_ corner wobbly-ass table and two less-stable chairs; _our_ corner, where we often reunite after a long day apart, sharing a beer and sometimes a greasy dinner before heading home.

It hasn't all been easy. Compromises have been made. Obstacles and arguments I'm sure are yet to come. But we'll get through anything as long as we have each other. And we do. We will.

The breath I didn't realize I was holding rushes out of strained lungs as I finally glimpse the brilliant, unruly locks that can only belong to him. He quickly approaches, unable to hide the mutual relief he also feels at the sight of me. Strong lips find mine as we embrace before taking our seats to discuss each of our day's events. Soon enough, we are joined by our friends, always drawn to this corner now that it emanates happiness and love.

As I'm laughing at Seth and Emmett's latest antics, I feel my boy's hand squeeze my jeans-clad thigh under the table. Immediately aching, I shiver as his feather-light touch slowly moves up and in to barely graze the head of my already rigid cock. It has been since morning that I've felt his body writhing, straining beneath me, around me. I _will not_ wait much longer... I _cannot_ wait much longer.

His warm breath washes over me as he pulls me to him, whispering with a wink, "Tonight your ass is mine, love. Quite literally…"

"Fuuccckkk…" I moan, swallowing hard as all coherent thought dissipates. Lost in his darkening gaze, I tremble at his promise. He smirks when I immediately raise my hand, calling to our passing waitress, "Check, please!"

* * *

><p><strong>*The epilogue will be done shortly. In the mean-time, chapter 11 was a futuretake that would fall between this chapter and the epi. You might want to read it if you didn't already, and reread it if you did.<strong>

***Thank you all for reading, favoriting, alerting, and for your amazing inspiring reviews! I sure hope you've enjoyed my first boys' story. Thank goodness for the Dirty Talking Jasper contest the summer before last!**

***Along with this story's nominations that I mentioned above, 'Sometimes' has been nominated for Best Tear Jerker and I've been nominated for Best Non Canon Author! Voting ends today! Check out the nominees and vote at:**

******thenon-canonawards * blogspot * com * au/p/voting * html ******

******(take out the spaces and add . instead of *)******

***I made a video using imovie on my phone for these boys. It follows the first couple chapters until the last little bit signifies their happily ever. I'm marriedmyedward1997 on youtube if you'd like to check it out. It's also on my fb page -Married Myedward on fb.**


	17. Epilogue - Part One

**Hi there. This is marriedmyedward in case you're confused. I changed my penname, I'm now Soulmate Ficwriter. **

**I'm so excited to have an update for these boys. Allot has happened since you've heard from them. I've not been able to write consistently. However, I did add a chapter to my beta's fic, A Beautiful Day, for her birthday. And I wrote the one-shot Eternal Beloved, (tissue warning on that one!)**

**This is part one of the epilogue. These boys are insatiable and want everything tied up just right, so the epi was getting long. I decided to split it. I'll post part two later this week.**

**harrytwifan betaed this. Thank you, dear! Thank you, thank you, thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Edward and Jasper just turn me on and inspire me to write! SLASH!**

**Song Inspiration –**_** Sexyback**_** by **_**Justin Timberlake**_**, **_**Fucking You Tonight**_** by **_**Enrique Inglesias**_**, and **_**Locked Out of Heaven**_** by **_**Bruno Mars**_**.**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue – Part One<strong>

**Epov**

The club is already packed, sweaty bodies writhing all around us. Strobing, multi-colored lights illuminate the foggy darkness, adding to the primal mood. Insistent beats of endless erotic songs vibrate through our bodies. His moves against mine. So close. So right.

Jasper looks so sexy tonight in his tight, worn jeans. His torso and chest are bare, t-shirt swiftly removed the moment we stepped foot on the dance floor. It's now hanging from his back pocket - such a cliché, but so fucking hot. His body laid bare and exposed, muscles tightening under his perfect skin… simply mesmerizes me.

He dances with abandon, temporarily a slave to the music and atmosphere; fluidly moving his arms above his head, his beautiful eyes closed for the moment. I hold his hips snug against mine with one hand, skimming the other up his sweat kissed torso to his glorious chest. Unable to resist, I tweak a nipple between my thumb and forefinger. This visibly sends shivers throughout his body, which in turn sends shivers throughout mine. Throwing his head back, he surrenders to the sensations, a feral groan reverberating from deep within his chest. My heart clinches in mine at the amazing man in my arms. For now and forever…he wants me. And I can't wait until tomorrow to pledge my life to him for eternity.

My emotions are all over the place; one minute almost bringing sentimental tears to my eyes, the next, the lust running through my veins taking precedence. I'm reminded of my very hard cock in my dark washed jeans, and unfortunately, we aren't alone. Far from it, actually. I glance around the dance floor, taking in the various appreciative, lustful stares directed at my man.

_That's right, boys… you can look, but you can't touch._ Only I can touch. For as long as we both shall live.

An urge to claim Jasper as mine rises from my gut. I grasp his chin, coaxing his eyes to meet mine, gently demanding that he sees me. That he sees only me.

He returns my possessive gaze, understanding exactly what I need in this moment; he always does.

Pulling my body against his from knee to chest, he claims my lips with his. In a searing kiss of give and take, we open up to one another to taste and savor.

So much more than a kiss. It always is when we join our souls like this.

The feel of his bare chest against mine nearly drives me insane with desire. I've never felt comfortable removing my shirt on the dance floor as Jasper does, but thank god, he does.

When we visit the club, he insists I where a button down; like tonight. And once he has me thoroughly worked up from his body suggestively rubbing against mine for everyone else to see, I can't bring myself to care when he slowly unbuttons my shirt, exposing the body he adores to himself and everyone else. He shows me off, and frankly, it turns me on beyond belief.

Earlier today, just after Riley informed us a limo would be picking us up from the rehearsal dinner, Jasper disappeared into my closet. He retrieved his favorite jade button down of mine, laying it out neatly on the bed. Then leading me to the shower, he proceeded to fuck me under the warm cascading spray, up against the tiled wall. Slowly. So very deeply. Next, he lovingly dried every inch of my body and encouraged me to dress before him, for him. I put on a show, turning around for him to see my tight black jockeys on the ass I know he loves so much, wiggling it just so as I pulled up my snug jeans. From the bottom to the top, I fastened each button of the shirt he'd picked out, deliberately leaving the top two unbuttoned. I knew he would immediately undo them if I didn't. My cock hardened again with the knowledge the buttons would later be undone by Jasper's nimble fingers on this very dance floor.

With Riley in town, we knew beyond a shadow of doubt we would end up here, at Evanescence, Seattle's premiere gay club. We brought him here during his first visit to Seattle, on New Year's Eve. He immediately fell in love with the place, among other things.

Jasper and I kissed at midnight, with a much different outcome than the previous New Year's kiss had evoked; the one that sent me running. Instead, we brought in this new year on this dance floor, dancing and kissing, enjoying each other and the company of our dearest friends. We literally couldn't make it home fast enough, desperately fucking in the parking lot, first. When we did make it home to our loft, we made love until dawn, eventually satisfied that we'd made up for the confusion and pain of the previous New Year.

Currently, _Sexyback_ by Justin Timberlake starts to play. Jasper turns in my arms to face away from me, pointedly grinding his ass against my groin, glancing over his shoulder with his sexy smirk in place.

"That's right… such a sexy back… fuck!" I hear myself growl, looking down at his gyrating ass against my clothed cock. My very hard and sensitive cock. He rests his head back against my shoulder, holding my arms around his torso to link our hands suggestively just above where I know his perfectly trimmed pubes begin. Oh, how I need to see him naked very, very soon.

Our dancing slows to a sensuous sway. Together, we watch the other boys - the group of cute twinks playfully dancing to the right, the sexy duo practically fucking on the dance floor to the left. But the loving couple straight ahead and mere feet away catches and holds our attention.

Seth and Riley.

Individually, they are each sexy as hell. Together, they are absolutely beautiful. Breathtaking. Seth's dark features set off Riley's light brown skin and hair. Yet, what truly takes one's breath away runs so much deeper than physical appearance and how they perfectly complement each other. It's in the way they move together as one. It's within their intense stares and whispered words, only meant for each other, but witnessed by all.

Jasper and I are the fortunate ones who can appreciate them fully, more so than anyone else. We knew the lonely boys they were, and observed the immediate connection that took ahold of them at first sight of one another. It was breathtaking to witness; there's simply no other way to describe what transpired between Riley and Seth when we introduced them here on New Year's Eve, except love at first sight. They've been inseparable ever since. Well, as inseparable as living thousands of miles away from one another allows them to be.

My heart fills with happiness and excitement to know my soft-spoken friend has found his soul mate in the kind-hearted, alluring boy who helped me find my way to mine.

My attention is drawn back to the erotic man in my arms, currently dry fucking me with his incredible ass. Gently twining my fingers in his hair, I tug his head back, singing the words to the song in his ear. I know he especially likes this next verse…

"_Dirty babe, you see these shackles, baby, I'm your slave. I'll let you whip me if I misbehave. It's just that no one makes me feel this way."_

I follow-up with suggestive words I know will ramp up his arousal. "You want to tie me up again, love? You want to be in complete control of my body? Own me while you fuck me?"

He moans in my arms at the scene I suggest.

_Fuck, yes! _

I just might need to submit to him tonight. But then I remember that my hot as fuck fiancé can't tie me up tonight, because we aren't sleeping in the same bed tonight. We aren't sleeping in the same room, or even the same building.

Whose idea was it for us to sleep apart?

Rosalie's, that's whose! She and Emmett are forcing Jasper to stay at their place while I stay with Seth. They're all enjoying the situation a bit too much, if you ask me.

Thankfully, the music transitions to our club song, 'I'm Fucking You Tonight' by Enrique Inglesius.

As worked up as I am, I might just cum in my pants as I did the first night Jas introduced me to this decadent place. Never having been to a gay club before, and relatively new to the acceptance that I myself was gay, I was so nervous and unsure of myself. Jasper kept me close, feeding me shots before coaxing me onto the dance floor with him.

How could I be anything but comfortable in his arms?

I quickly realized dancing at a gay bar is like fucking with one's clothes on, and that's exactly what we did. Slowly, steadily, Jas ground his body against mine, working me into a frenzy. He sang along with the words to this song with a ravenous look of need for me in his eyes. As the song neared its end, he turned me in his arms to face away from him. Reaching around my body, he rubbed my dick through my jeans - on the dance floor, as others watched. My cock erupted with a vengeance right then and there - here on this very dance floor, on this very spot.

He knows I'm thinking of that night. He sees it in my eyes as I see it in his. The memory lingers between us, intoxicating and alluring. His lips move, and I can hear his smooth voice blending with Enrique's. He sings to me, each word meant for me...

"_I know you want me. I made it obvious that I want you, too. So put it on me. Let's remove the space between me and you. Now rock your body. Damn, I like the way that you move. So give it to me. Cause I already know what you want to do… Please excuse me I don't me to be rude, but tonight I'm fucking you. Oh-oh, you know, that tonight I'm fucking you."_

His hands find the hair at the nape of my neck, grasping and pulling, anchoring my mouth to the crook of his neck. I lick and suck at the tender skin there – at his love spot, eliciting moans that are loud and guttural. I can feel them vibrating through me; I can hear them over the loud music, and it makes my dick impossibly harder.

His arousal grinds against mine through our jeans. Our mutual need grows. It multiplies, intensifying with every sway of our hips. My hands on his hips occasionally reach around to squeeze his pert ass, all the while holding him as close to me as possible. I always need him near, but in this atmosphere, on this night, consumed by this song -my need for him has become a frenzy.

Raising my head, I meet his gaze… and I know. I see it in his deepening cobalt eyes. He'll need to fuck me before we part ways, before we are forced to sleep apart tonight.

"I'm fucking you tonight, darlin'. Need. You. Now."

It's not a question or a suggestion. It's a promise of things to come. To very shortly come.

Jasper stealthily maneuvers us over to Seth and Riley, never losing me from within his embrace. He tells the boys something; I can't make out most of his words over the music, but I'm pretty sure I hear the word 'limo'. They giggle knowingly as they watch him pull me away through the crowd. Avoiding Rose and Em's table where they've been making out since we arrived, and we're quickly outside, slipping into the shiny black limousine.

Desperate for me as always, even more so than usual, Jas rips my open shirt down my arms. He attacks my neck with his ravenous lips, pulling me to settle into the black, soft plush leather seats with him.

I always tease him about his love spot, but in all honesty, it's mine, too. And the way he's going at my tender skin has me a whimpering, quivering mess – putty in his hands.

Briefly pulling his lips from my heated skin, just long enough to yell to the driver, he growls, "Drive around for at least an hour…. please." Breathlessly, he adds as an afterthought, "Privacy window up and bring us back here when the hour is up."

The limo accelerates as the opaque window goes up, closing us off in our own private world with the city lights passing by just outside. Jasper situates me on his lap, straddling him. I should be embarrassed he intends to fuck me in the back of this limo while a stranger is driving us around Seattle, but I'm not. Not in the least.

Easily pulling off each shoe and sock from my feet, Jasper then eases my jeans down my legs to join them on the floor. All the while, he continues to suckle my neck. I hold him to me, trembling hands grasping silky strands of his blond waves, murmuring my need for his cock in my body.

He's right there with me, of course; he always is. However, the air is charged differently between us tonight.

He pulls back slightly, searching the depths of my eyes, of my soul… for something.

For what?

His features visibly soften as his gaze drops to my chest, quickly followed by the reverent caresses of his fingertips as they trace the lines of his inked key over my heart.

His eyes search out mine once more, while his fingers continue their sensuous trail.

"You're going to be my husband tomorrow," he whispers in awe, emotion dripping from each word.

"And you'll be mine."

His smile lights up his face and the atmosphere around us. It warms my heart.

I do this to him. I'm his happiness, and he is mine.

"Love, need you. Please, Jas…?" I shamelessly beg.

The sound of our labored breaths fills the back of the limo, surrounding us, somehow making our need for one another a tangible thing… even more intense.

"Yes… need to fuck my fiancé, one more time," he murmurs, before his lips claim mine once more. His tongue delves deep inside my mouth, exactly as he knows I like it, stoking the fire that will soon consume us both.

Refusing to withdraw his mouth from mine, he struggles to retrieve the packet of lube from his pocket. We get to giggling though, between kisses, as we both fret with his button fly. Finally, we manage to undo his jeans and push them down to his thighs. Then his fingers grasp the cheeks of my ass, feathering across my awaiting hole, and slipping inside. I moan into his mouth with abandon at the feel of his fingers loosening me, opening me for him.

When the head of his dick is right there, I let out a feral groan of which I know the driver has to have heard. Shit, all of Seattle probably heard me. And is about to hear a hell of a lot more.

I hold him to me while he pushes inside my body in one slow descent. Fully seated deep within, he pauses for me to adjust to the feel of him stretching me, filling me.

Feels so good. So full. Completing me in a way only Jasper inside me can.

He doesn't move, yet holds me in place, ensuring I can't move either.

Lightly smoothing my fingertips over his beautiful features, I'm mesmerized by the content look on his face. "What is it, love?"

"A year ago, right now, I was still heart broken and lost."

"And a year ago tomorrow, I pulled my head out of my ass and came back for you."

Despite our exchange, our need for one another doesn't dissipate. If anything, it's magnified by our past, present, and glorious future mixing and mingling between us. We've gone through so much to get here, and the possibilities for our shared future are endless.

Finally, he starts out slow, grasping my hips, thrusting up, into me. We don't break eye contact the entire time we make love. He knows just where to aim the head of his dick, decadently stroking my prostate on every pass, continuing to elicit wanton moans and growls from me. Noises I couldn't purposefully make if I tried.

When it's my turn to take control, I do so by holding his hands entwined in mine on either side of us. He rests against the back of the seat as I ride him, his ass nearly at the edge of the seat now. I love this position. We fuck like this on our couch quite often, the leverage allowing me to perfectly bounce up and down on his cock, the angle at which he impales me driving me to the brink and back. It feels so fucking good, yet doesn't make me cum. Instead, I'm able to balance on the precipice of what I know will be earth shattering, my balls drawn up and buzzing, though not yet constricting. Until Jasper shoots his pent up load, hard and harshly inside me; the feel of him erupting within my walls pushes me over the edge. I soar with him, releasing all over his stomach and chest, hitting his chin – while his cock continues to violently empty inside me.

We lie together for what feels like forever, a sweaty sated mess in each other's arms. Cum still all over us, the limo pulls up outside the club before we know it. We have no choice but to clean up and hastily pull our clothes on, Jasper minus his t-shirt since he uses it to wipe the cum from our bodies.

His eyes sparkle with amusement at my embarrassment as we exit the limo. Cat calls ring out from various awaiting patrons standing in the line to enter the club. The loudest whistles and clapping come from our friends, who've obviously been awaiting our return on the curb.

"You sneaky fuckers!" Emmett bellows. "In the limo, huh? That's what I'm talking about!" He pats Jasper on the back.

_Really?_

Rosalie doesn't seem nearly as amused. Pissed is more like it.

"What the hell, you two? It's almost midnight! You can't see each other on the day of your wedding! Until the ceremony!"

"I can't see my husband on our wedding day? How am I expected to marry him, then?" Jasper teases.

Rose rolls her eyes, trying not to laugh. "You know what I mean, smart ass! Come along, Edward… it's time to go."

Somehow, I fight her off long enough to steal one last kiss from my fiancé. One last kiss before he's my husband, because the next time our lips meet, we will have shared our vows on our beach. We'll be married.

When the kiss ends, I remember my sexy and shirtless almost husband is spending the night at Seth's. Riley is staying there too, of course.

Riley… currently looking at my man like he's something delicious to eat!

"Riley…" I playfully warn, attempting to shield Jasper from his lustful stare. "No, no, no! Off limits! You've got your own."

I internally groan, realizing too late that I've just opened a proverbial can of worms. Before he opens his mouth to reply, I know what he will say. He'll again remind us that he's been intimate with me. He often does, never missing an opportunity. He'll also suggest ménage a tois or an all out orgy.

He doesn't disappoint…

"Oh, Edward, you know me… and you _really do know me_, don't you, baby?" he adds with a wink, "And I know you also know I would never dream of leaving Seth out. He likes it in the middle, as a matter of fact."

"Riley...!" Seth squeals, turning red in the face and elbowing him in the ribs… hard.

_Huh? _

Actually… I don't want to know. I _really_ don't want to know!

Jasper pulls me back into his arms, his sultry voice taking my mind off how uncomfortable Riley has managed to make me.

"No worries, baby. I'm yours… all yours. Only yours. No sandwiching with other boys for me. I'll be asleep in Seth's guest room with ear plugs in. Seth and Ri can get up to whatever it is they get up to, while I get my beauty rest for tomorrow. Tomorrow, baby… will be the happiest day of my life. But every day is with you. Isn't it, darlin'?"

The entire lot of us, Emmett included, are left staring dreamily at my man while he stares dreamily back at me. I think I might hear Rose sniveling a little. The sweetest man on earth is mine. All mine. How did I get so lucky?

**_To be continued…_**

* * *

><p><strong>Part two of the epilogue will be up by the end of the week… their wedding day. Awe!<strong>

**Thanks for reading and writing and favoriting. I've finally been review replying to the last chapter. If you didn't hear from me yet, you will! Your reviews make me smile!**

**This story was nominated for the Energizer WIP awards a couple months back, and won second place! Thank you to anyone who voted for me and made that possible!**


	18. Epilogue - Part Two

**Well, this is it… the final chapter, part two of the epilogue.**

**Thanks for all of your support! I've enjoyed writing and sharing this story with you so much! I think I responded to all of the reviews from the last chapter that weren't guest reviews. Woohoo! I want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited and alerted this story. It's amazing to put something out there and for readers to actually like it! And I truly appreciate those of you who voted for In the Corner in the Energize WIP awards a couple months back. It received second place, thanks to you!**

**Also… thank you for the condolences some of you have expressed in reviews to a couple of my other stories. I haven't gotten around to responding, yet. Just know that your thoughts mean the world to me!**

**One more huge thank you goes to harrytwifan for betaing this story since chapter two, when I revealed that it was me who wrote the original one-shot for the Dirty Talking Jasper contest. We became fast friends, almost two years ago to the day. I love you, Nancy! Wouldn't still be writing without you! **

**Song inspiration: Oh my! So many songs for this chapter! **_**Everything Has Changed**_** by Taylor Swift, **_**Safe and Sound**_** by Capital Cities, **_**Love Will Keep Us Alive**_** by the Eagles - the song my hubby and I danced to at our wedding 16 years ago, **_**Locked Out of Heaven**_** by Bruno Mars, **_**Mirrors**_** by Justin Timberlake, **_**I Won't Give Up**_** by Jason Mraz, **_**The Best of Me**_** by Bryan Adams, **_**A Thousand Years**_** by Christina Perry, and of course, drum roll please… **_**Far Away**_** by Nickelback. **

**(Yes, I plan on entering a story in the Lyrics to Life contest! But how do I choose one song?)**

**facebook com/notes/lyrics-to-life-contest/lyrics-to-life-de scription-and-rulesguidelines/191979414314637**

**Wow! Epic AN! Let's attend Edward and Jasper's wedding, shall we?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. This is SLASH!**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue – Part 2<strong>

**Epov**

Attempting to fall asleep to no avail, I lie awake for hours in the comfy bed in Rose and Em's guest room. It's a beautiful room, in a brand new house, in a gorgeous neighborhood. They bought it just after we all returned from our trip to Vegas a few months ago, where they eloped following a very short engagement. The engagement that began on Valentine's Day, just after eating the dinner I prepared for Jasper, while working through their issues - on every possible surface in our loft. The same night Jasper and I proposed to one another at the Grand Hyatt.

After almost losing Rosalie, Emmett saw the light that night. They're expecting their first child in December.

Despite the still sated state of my body from the thorough fucking I so recently received, and the buzz from the alcohol that continues to run through my veins, I'm unable to succumb to the much needed slumber calling to me, peaceful and dream-like. I teeter on the edge of its mental and physical refuge. Yet, it evades me; or maybe I evade it.

My heavy eyelids droop once more and I see him… my lover, my fiancé, my soon-to-be husband. His sparkling blue eyes, his dimples, and his sexy grin; he is beautiful and he is mine, in every sense of the word.

Our moments together play before my eyes as if they're a personal picture show made for me alone. Our years as friends, this past year as lovers, the promise of an unending future…

I see him smile at me for the first time over the bar, asking for my order - the smile that, unbeknownst to me at the time, I would live for - for the rest of my days . In that moment, everything changed. My life was changed for the better. My heart faltered and then began beating to a stronger beat. I'd met my soul mate and deep down inside I knew it, my consciousness just took five years to catch on.

I see the devoted friend he immediately became, who was there for me from that moment on. The friend whose tortured gaze I so naively mistook for soulful creativity, until I finally learned with a kiss that is was due to so much more, that it was due to his love and lust for me.

I see the man who waited for me, in his corner. He waited through the years I thought I was straight, watching me date women. He continued to wait while I worked through my finally realized feelings for him. He waited for me to comprehend what he'd understood all along - that we belong together, in every way.

I see the beautiful soul who took me back after I'd left him broken-hearted. He took me back and immediately became my lover, the lover who has spent every subsequent moment treasuring me and teaching me just how wonderful life can be.

Once I finally drift into a peaceful, contented sleep, I continue to see my beautiful man in my dreams. They are full of visions of our future, of our years together - young and old. I dream of little girls._ Our _little girls; one with Jasper's blond curls, the other, my tousled auburn locks. I'm not sure how that can be possible, yet I wake with the simple knowledge that it is.

The next few hours are a blur. Breakfast with my parents keeps me grounded while Rose deals with last minute details of the wedding and reception that will follow. She's planned everything according to our specifications. Luckily, Jasper and I want things simple… small and simple. I don't know how she would've done big and complicated, while attending to her clients and dealing with horrible bouts of morning sickness.

My nerves truly kick in when we arrive at Golden Gardens Park. Mom and Dad are already there with Kate, Irena, and Tanya. Straight from the airport, my stunning cousins surround me, smothering me with hugs and kisses. I don't mind. My should-be-sisters' presence instantly calms me. I'm so thankful they're able to share the most important day of my life with us.

Removing my leather flip flops, I make my way down to the water's edge, bending to roll up the bottoms of my jeans. The course sand feels rough between my toes.

It's a perfect August day, as if Mother Nature herself is in attendance. The sun shines directly overhead, glinting off the water. Waves gently lap at the sandy shore.

The chattering of my family and friends behind me fades away. I take a moment to observe the sailboats bobbing along on Puget Sound as I have so many times before or after one of our many runs here. In the distance, the Olympic Mountains are breathtaking. They have a humbling effect on me, reminding me I am small compared to the grand scheme of things.

Jasper and I usually sit on this beach to catch our breath and talk before heading home. During one of those conversations back in February, soon after we were engaged, Jasper and I huddled and cuddled against the cold wind while discussing places we could exchange our vows. We had already picked today as our wedding day; one year to the day after we started our lives as lovers. Exactly one year to the day I came for him, when I returned from Chicago.

Jasper asked if we could be married here on our beach. I immediately adored the idea. We became quite distracted with kisses before we could plan much more that day. Eventually, we decided on a simple ceremony followed by an intimate reception at Mahale's Tavern. It's been almost seven years since we met there. It feels like just yesterday, yet a lifetime ago…a different life. I thought I had everything I could want, though true happiness eluded me. Then I did have everything, in Jasper. I just didn't know it.

"Edward...?" Rose's voice summons me back to the present. I turn to find her expectantly waiting with a red rose in hand. "Jasper will be here in just a few minutes, hon. Let's put on the finishing touches, shall we?"

I stand still as she positions the rose in the pocket of my white dress shirt. Jasper and I decided on simple white dress shirts with each of our favorite pair of jeans. I'm very excited about our decision of casual wear, especially considering how delicious Jasper's ass looks in the relaxed jeans he chose.

I try to focus, wanting desperately to remember every detail of every moment. I take in my loved ones standing beside me, here to witness Jasper's and my vows. My mother, cousins, and Rose, all wearing different pastel, flower-patterned sun dresses, look fresh and beautiful, like a picture out of a magazine. My father insisted on wearing a suit and tie, of course, claiming the officiate of the ceremony should be semi-formal at the least.

He became internet ordained to perform our wedding ceremony. We wanted it to be someone special, who knows us, and cares about us personally. Dad jumped at the chance to be the one when he heard us whining to my mother one day that we didn't know who could marry us. We couldn't believe we hadn't thought of him in the first place.

Taking his place by my side, I can't help but laugh at the amazing sight of my father in his custom grey suit, with the pant legs rolled up and his bare feet in the sand like me. I'm hit with a wave of appreciation and admiration for my loving parents, who have supported me on every endeavor I've ventured on throughout my life. I mourn the absence of Jasper's parents. It doesn't seem right that they aren't present for this, but it's not as if they weren't invited. They chose to stay away from yet another event in their son's life, just as they have every event since the day he came out to them when he was nineteen. He was a confident, self-assured man by the time I met him seven years later. He'd been through so much, had traveled a rough road to get there.

Thankfully, he will always have the true parental love of my parents. They love him like a son. And soon, he officially will be.

I'm aware of him the second he arrives. I feel him in my bones and with every beat of my heart. A few minutes later, the giddy duo of Seth and Riley walk down from the parking lot. Rose quickly crosses paths with them, Jasper's red rose for his pocket in hand.

The boys approach with sparkling smiles, their hands entwined between them. I have an "a-ha" moment as I take in their apparel. My male friends have coordinated, too. How cute.

Both Seth and Ri have on jeans. Riley's are paired with a peach short-sleeved polo, Seth's with a complimenting mint green. I look over to Emmett, his muscular physique looking quite sexy in jeans and a baby blue polo. He gives me a look that says, "I know I'm hot, and you're checking me out, Cullen!"

I can't help but throw my head back, allowing a loud chuckle to escape me. He's right. I was checking him out. Who wouldn't?

Seth pulls me into his arms for a warm hug, with Riley quickly joining in.

"So happy for you, man," Seth whispers in my ear. "Jas is so excited. Nervous, too. How you holding up?"

"Good… I'm great, actually. How could I be anything else?"

Seth nods in agreement, his eyes already drawn back to Riley's. I wonder if they've had the conversation Seth was hoping to initiate this weekend... the one when he plans on asking Riley to move here to Seattle for him. I catch his eye again, raising my eyebrows. His face lights up in answer to my unspoken question, and he gives me a thumbs up. I'm so happy for my sweet boys, though unsure how I'll handle living in the same city with mischievous Riley again. However, meeting him has only led to happiness for me and Jasper and Seth, for all of us. He warms everyone he meets with his own personal sunshine. My dear friends' happiness is perfect news on this already perfect day.

When Rose rejoins the group, everyone positions themselves off to the side except my father and myself, leaving us front and center. Thankfully, the other people enjoying the beach on this beautiful day give us a wide birth.

My mother lets out a quiet gasp, tears already brimming her beautiful green eyes, the exact color of mine. A natural hush falls over us all as we follow her gaze to where Jasper is just stepping onto the beach. He looks heavenly in his relaxed jeans, his white dress shirt fitting sinfully well, with the top two buttons undone. The red rose peeks out of his shirt pocket.

Immediately, Jasper's gaze locks with mine. He doesn't look away. I'm thankful there are no obstacles in his way, nothing between him and me besides the sand beneath our feet. All sounds and sights fade away as he makes his journey to me.

The feel of the warm breeze keeps me grounded. It sweeps past me, reaching across the beach to my love, caressing his blond waves and lightly blowing them around his face.

His baby blues sparkle with happiness as his lips curl up into a shy smile. I breathlessly watch him get closer and closer, unable to comprehend that this it, this is the moment we've been planning for. I feel as if I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. For him. I've been waiting for him.

Finally in front of me, I can now see the pink blush that tinges his cheeks. I'm not surprised to realize he's embarrassed. Jas isn't a 'center of attention' kind of guy. He's going to have to get past that, considering he's becoming quite the revered, sought after artist.

I reach out and take his hands in mine.

"Hey," I breathe on a smile. Somehow, he hears my simple greeting before the breeze whisks it away.

"Hey," he answers back, more so with his open and loving expression than with his ditto reply.

We stand here in our own little world, gazing into one another's eyes. Electricity runs up my arms and throughout my body from where his hands rest so tenderly in mine, and I forget to breathe.

Eventually, my father subtly clears his throat, causing our mutual haze to lift. Eyes shimmering with unshed tears, he begins the ceremony, lovingly telling of how proud he is of us, and how much he and my mother love us both. Soon, it's time to say our vows.

Why did I volunteer to go first? I've been so nervous, thinking of what to say for weeks. How do I sum up into a few sentences what I feel for this amazing man before me? How do I even begin to explain?

But when it's time to speak, the words easily find me. Not the rehearsed vows I troubled over, but words straight from my heart. I don't have to think… I just say.

"Jasper, my love. Thank you for serving me that drink so many years ago."

He chuckles, squeezing my hands. Our witnesses chortle, too, at my candor. Everyone here knows our story, and they know it's just that simple. We are here today because Jasper served me a drink across a wooden bar, and saw in me whatever it was he saw that would irrevocably make him mine.

I proceed to thank him, again, for waiting. And for loving me, and patiently teaching me everything I always wanted to learn.

As badly as I want to mention how our love transcends our hearts, how his body shows me, every time, everyday - I don't say it out loud. It's not the appropriate time or place. I'll tell him later when we're alone at the cabin, while he's inside me, and again while I'm inside him.

Finally, I pledge to love him back for the rest of my days, here on earth and for eternity after.

"You've got the best of me, Jasper. You _are_ the best of me. I'll always give you my best, and I know we'll be safe and sound as long as we have each other. I love you."

A few tears trickle down his cheeks by the time I finish. It's not like I've said anything he hasn't heard before. I've spent the last year telling him and showing him how I feel. But it's overwhelming in an amazing way to be standing here together, validating our feelings. To be pledging to spend our lives with each other, to each other and to our family and friends.

Although I've miraculously made it through my vows without shedding a tear, they flow freely when Jasper begins his.

"Home, Edward… you are my home. You have been since the first day I set eyes on you. I swear I've loved you since that day. Even when you only saw me as a friend, I would've continued to love you forever. But thank god you finally saw the light."

No one can contain their laughter at that.

Jasper reaches up to caress my cheek. I nuzzle into his gentle, protective hand. He wipes my tears away with his thumb before continuing.

"When I look into your eyes, darlin', it's as if I'm looking into a mirror. I see the man I want to be. I see the man you see in me. I see my future. And I swear to you, right here and now, in front of god and our friends and family… I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life being the man that you see. I will love you and support you. I'll protect you and take care of you. And when you need me to, I'll give you the space to do what you need to on your own. I'll be your home, baby, like you've been mine."

"Yes," I answer. Just…_Yes!_

I lean my forehead against his, attempting to reign in the overwhelming emotions that consume me. They surround us, binding us together. We need a moment to collect ourselves, and something tells me our family and friends do, too. I'm fairly sure I hear my mother sniffling beside me. Sure enough, glancing her way, I see her wiping away happy tears with her white crocheted handkerchief. We exchange a knowing smile, but I quickly return my attention back to Jasper.

Is he my husband yet? _Not quite_, I silently soothe myself. _Almost._

Thankfully, Dad knows what comes next. I'd stand here in a daze all day, forgetting my name, staring at my beautiful man if it were left to me.

"You ready for the 'I Do's', boys?"

Jasper and I look at one another, both breaking into lovesick grins. We answer in unison, nodding our heads, anticipation and relief evident in our voices.

"Yes!"

My dear father has taken the time to memorize the traditional vows. He reverently speaks them with conviction. His smooth voice perfectly weaves each word together to form such meaningful sentences. I listen and take to heart the meaning of what I'm about to pledge.

"Edward, do you take Jasper to be your lawfully wedded husband, as your friend and your love? Do you affirm the relationship you look to the future to deepen and strengthen? To be his in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph? Together you will dream, will stumble but restore one another, you will share all things, serving one another and your fellow humanity. You will cherish and respect him, comfort and encourage him, be open with him, and stay with him as long as you both shall live, both freed and bound by your mutual love."

I attempt to convey how genuinely I mean each word - with my intense stare gazing deeply into his eyes, with a steady voice, and with my thumbs caressing his hands in mine. I promise, by pulling his body slightly toward my own, as the most important words of my life ring out, for anyone who will listen to hear.

I state with conviction, "I do. I will."

He knows I mean it with every fiber of my being. He knows it's a promise I make, that I will dedicate the rest of my life to keeping.

My father continues, repeating the vows, for Jasper to pledge to .

Jas opens his mouth to answer, lower lip quivering, and his eyes… god, his eyes are so crystal clear. They are windows to his soul. I see into their depths. I know he means every word as much as I do.

"I do. I will."

Next, Dad instructs us to retrieve our rings from Emmett and Seth. I secretly wonder if he senses the urgency Jasper and I both feel. I wonder if he knows we'll be kissing either way here in about two minutes, whether it's time to or not.

We've worn our rings since exchanging them back in February, as engagement rings, and simply because once placed on our fingers, we didn't feel right without them. Just this morning, we removed them and gave them to our respective best men for safekeeping, for the few short hours until we would place them on each other's fingers again, officially. Eternally.

My fingers tremble, but somehow I get the matching silver rings on his finger and then on mine, while reciting the first line of our chosen ring vow.

"Jasper, my love… I give you this ring in remembrance of this hour. A symbol of our love, that is complete, beautiful, and endless."

Jasper situates his gold band in its permanent spot beside my silver, repeating the same on his ring finger. Not a tremor visible in his assured hands, he is the polar opposite of my shaking form. We've seemed to switch places of who has it under control for the moment. He knows when I need him to be strong, stepping up to be my rock when I need his strength and composure.

"Edward, my love… I give you this ring in remembrance of this hour. A symbol of our love, that is complete, beautiful and endless."

Finally, looking into each other's eyes, we recite the last line in unison. Our voices meld perfectly into one, irrevocably entwining our lives as one.

"With these rings, we thee wed."

And there it is. It's official. Jasper and I are married.

We look at each other expectantly, smiling in awe, our mutual love shining in our shared gaze. I swear it's as bright as the sun, blindingly beautiful.

My father's joyful voice rings out, "I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may seal your vows with a kiss."

Our lips finally meet… softly… tenderly. I try to keep it chaste, really I do. But who am I kidding? We're finally married! This is my husband! I'll knock his socks off with the fervency of my kiss if I damned well please!

Pulling him into my arms, I support his body, grandly dipping him, claiming his lips once more. I delve my tongue possessively against his. He relaxes in my arms, moaning into my mouth. He knows he is safe here, that I will never let him fall.

The cheers of our loved ones pull us back to reality.

_Soon…_ I tell myself. Soon we will be alone. _Tonight._

Tonight, we can get lost in one another. We will not come up for air, not let reality in for two whole weeks.

Our friends and family surround us, congratulating us with warm hugs and happy smiles. I feel as if I'm walking on air as we make our way hand in hand up to the parking lot. My coveted Volvo awaits, now adorned with streamers and cans and some sort of paint of which I pray to God washes off the windows. "Just Married" and hearts are written on what seems like every available space. I knew Seth and Riley had something planned, but how they pulled off decorating my car when they first arrived at the beach, leaves me in awe.

"Straight to the receptions, boys! No hanky-panky on the way!" Em yells.

"I personally vote for hanky-panky!" Riley chimes in. "Come to think of it, I'll ride with Edward and Jasper!"

"Riley!" We all yell in unison, exasperated, trying not to laugh at his antics.

The reception passes in a flash. We enjoy the company of our family and friends, never leaving one another's side. Rose insists we cut the cake and feed it too each other, though neither Jasper nor myself put up much of a fight. We get slightly distracted cleaning up smeared frosting and cake from lips and cheeks and chins. Somehow, some found its way to Jasper's love spot. He can't contain his moans as I nibble the offending confection away. Delicious.

Despite the afternoon timing of the reception, it becomes an all-out party. By 4pm, everyone is either tipsy or completely drunk. Everyone except Jasper, that is.

I don't have to ask why he barely drinks one glass of champagne, just enough to get through the toasts. I know my man, and I know he can't wait until it's time to excuse ourselves and start the hour and a half drive to Cle Elum Lake.

We've never been there ourselves, but were privy to numerous pictures and a slideshow or two of a homey log cabin on a picturesque lake. My parents vacationed there – in the Northern Cascade Mountains-a few months ago. Jasper and I fell in love with the secluded location nestled within the forest of the cascades. We enthusiastically accepted when my parents offered to rent us the cabin for their wedding present to us.

Snug in my husband's arms, we've taken to slow dancing again. We're both growing impatient to finally be alone, needing to consummate our marriage. When Jasper whispers the intimate details of all he intends to do to me tonight, my knees grow weak. A certain part of my anatomy grows, hard and heavy against Jasper's matching arousal. He holds on to me tighter, supporting me and chuckling in my ear. It's obvious the effect he has on me, that he always will have on me. Jasper loves that he can literally bring me to my knees with a flash of his sexy smile and accompanying dimples, or with a few choice sexy words.

"Soon, love," I tell him, looking toward the front door. Soon, my wedding present for Jasper will arrive. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.

Just a few days ago, the idea came to me. Rosalie met me at the beach that day with her favorite photographer client. I'll admit, I was at first taken aback when I realized the photographer was none other than Peter Carlson. The Peter who courted my Jasper. However, his open and friendly greeting quickly put me at ease.

As he shook my hand, he smiled, saying, "It's nice to meet you, Edward. I'm so happy Jasper finally got his man."

He quickly photographed what I had in mind, offering to hand deliver it to the reception, seeing as it would barely be ready in time.

I spot the handsome brunette entering the bar. After speaking briefly with Rosalie, he makes his way over to us, carrying a large, flat brown paper wrapped package. Jasper is surprised to see him, to say the least; even more so when he realizes Peter and I are already acquainted.

When Peter finally focuses on Jasper, he_ really _focuses on him. The attraction he still feels for my man is obvious in his admiring stare.

Jasper blushes, shifting from one foot to the other beside me. The moment should feel equally awkward to me, but for some reason, it does not. Jasper is a very attractive man, but I know he's mine. It doesn't matter who looks at him or how they look. Nothing will change that fact.

I chuckle, breaking the growing tension radiating from Jasper. He's obviously uncomfortable, as is Peter when he realizes, too late, that he's been caught quite openly lusting after my husband.

Dragging his gaze from Jasper, he looks to me for understanding and forgiveness. He finds both in my returning smile.

He chuckles, too, and kind of shrugs, adding, "No offense, man? What can I say? I just can't help myself."

I reassure Peter while pulling Jasper securely to my side. "It's quite all right, Peter. Believe me, I get it."

"Good... Good. More importantly… you get Jasper, you lucky bastard. I'd tell you not to fuck it up, that I'll be waiting in the wings if you do, but seeing the two of you together," he gestures between Jasper and me, as well as he can with the large package in his hands, "something tells me there will be none of that."

Once we convince Peter to stick around and enjoy the rest of the reception, I call everyone's attention to watch Jasper open his present. He carefully pulls away the brown paper, exposing a framed photograph of me running on our beach, toward the camera. Peter has nailed the clarity and lighting perfectly. The image is exactly what I envisioned. To anyone else's eyes, it simply looks like a very well taken photo of me, running on a beach, with the sand and the bay around me, my wind-blown hair even more of a mess than usual.

Jasper's knowing gaze and wistful smile tell me he understands everything this picture signifies. The portrait Jasper painted years ago of me running ahead of him, away from him, still hangs on the brick wall in our loft. It will continue to hang there, until it hangs in our house when we finally get around to purchasing one. It is part of our past, reminding me how lucky I am that he waited for me. I will never forget.

Jasper kisses me deeply, reverently. When he finally breaks the kiss, I manage to say, "I promise to always be running toward you, my love. I'll never run away, again. I'm here for you forever. I'm here with you. Forever."

"I know, baby. Thank you."

Suddenly he's gone, no longer standing before me. I watch as he disappears into the back room of the bar.

_What the fuck?_

I'm about to go after him when I see him coming back to me, with a large frame of his own in his hands. He holds it up for me to see and I'm speechless. His talent always leaves me so, but this is the most beautiful painting I've ever seen.

In rich browns, blues, and reds, it depicts the back of Jasper, standing and leaning against an old-fashioned, beautifully adorned floor length mirror. He gazes at his reflection, only the reflection lovingly gazing back at him… is me. Mirroring his stance, our hands are spread out and meeting on the glass.

Jasper has acutely portrayed the love and the need we feel for one another, in the way we stand curved toward each other, our other halves.

I'm reminded of his vows from a few short hours ago.

"Jasper… it's… I… I don't know what to say. Beautiful isn't enough. Neither is perfect. Just… thank you!"

For once, my man is speechless. He pulls me to him, holding me tightly for long moments. We breathe each other in, in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, until Rosalie takes our pictures we've been precariously balancing while holding on to one another.

Jasper and I say our goodbyes to everyone. When we finally feel we can get away, we pull Rosalie into a hug, trying to express how thankful we are for all she has done to make our day perfect. Words aren't enough, so we present her with tickets for a cruise for her and Emmett.

"Guys, I can't accept this! And even if I felt comfortable letting you send me on a cruise for doing something that I enjoyed doing, and wanted to do for you… well, I can't take off work. "

Emmett pulls her into his arms. "You're schedule has been cleared, baby girl. So has mine. We leave tomorrow!"

I don't know what Rose wants to do more right now-hug us or kill us both. She finally relents, accepting that she needs to go home and pack ASAP.

Jasper leans down and gives her protruding belly a hug. "Good bye, little baby. See you in a couple weeks. Be good, now… and don't make your mama too sick on the ship."

How cute is he?

"Um, Jasper… Edward, about that. Well, we found out the baby is actually two babies… two boys. And we'd like to name them Jasper and Edward, after you. If it weren't for you guys, these babies wouldn't exist."

"Yeah, what she said," Emmett adds, his voice a bit gravelly, the big lug holding back tears.

Neither Jasper nor I know what to say. We're flabbergasted and flattered, barely holding back our own tears while telling them we'd be thrilled for our honorary nephews to be named after us. Though they won't actually be our blood nephews, they might as well be.

My parents walk us to the car, giving us the keys to the cabin before bidding us farewell. Just before we pull away, they coolly inform us they've purchased the cabin on Cle Elum Lake in our names. They want it to be ours to use as a safe haven, a place to recoup as a couple whenever we need a time-out from the rest of the world.

I'm overcome with how lucky I am, not just to have Jasper in my life, but my parents and our friends. Jasper and I are so fortunate to have special people who go above and beyond for us, making us feel loved and accepted.

With a twinkle in his eye, dad coyly adds, "I just have one request, my boys. Well, maybe an ulterior motive, if you will? Can your mother and I sneak up to the cabin from time to time? When you aren't using it, of course."

"Carlisle!" My mother blushes, hiding behind him.

What on earth did my parents get up to at the cabin? In the bed Jasper and I are about to share? Oh, hell no! Forget I asked.

Amazingly, we make it to the cabin with no stops to make-out or fuck in the backseat. When we get out of the car, I convince Jasper to first walk down to the lakeshore with me. We watch the sun set behind the mountains before making our way inside.

Barely in the door, he pulls me down the hall to find the master bedroom. We recognize it from the pictures my parents showed us, with its chestnut and crème colors, log walls and a fire place that shows through to the large en suite bathroom.

Jasper starts a fire and draws us a bath. An hour later, we're cuddling in fluffy terry cloth robes on the king sized bed, whispering our hopes for the future.

We understand each other. We both want to savor every second of our wedding night.

Once the cuddling becomes kissing, the slow and gentle doesn't last. Our bodies take over, speaking to each other as they always do, with a mind of their own. The robes are quickly removed and tossed to the floor. Our leaking cocks glide together, until our mouths engulf each other. I'm about to cum, when Jasper pulls his mouth form my throbbing erection. I gasp for air as sensations of the almost climax wash over me. How does he do that?

"Need to make love to my husband… come here, baby."

Holding me in his protective embrace, he prepares me with gentle fingers slathered with lube, and again, I almost climax. He knows my body so well; better than he knows his own. He plays me like a fine violin. I barely know which way is up by the time he situates himself above me, reverently between my legs, pushing inside my welcoming heat. We are one once more. This is when I'm truly home. Wherever we are, I'll always be home here in his arms.

I moan his name as the spasms wrack my body, as I ride the waves of ecstasy his beautiful body provides. I paint us both with cum while he pulses deep inside me. Clinging to me, he continues to thrust, extending our mutual pleasure impossibly long.

The inevitable moment comes too soon, when he's withdrawing from within, breaking our deepest connection. I don't fret, though, for I know we have the rest of our lives.

Once he's cleaned us both up and is nestled under the comforter with me, I tell him what has been on my mind.

"Thank you, my love. For everything. You make me the happiest man alive."

"No, darlin'… thank you! You've changed your life so much to be my husband. You amaze me. In the process, you have liberated my love for you. You've given it wings. It was there all along in the corner of my heart, but I no longer have to hide it. Thank you."

We don't sleep the rest of the night, not wanting to waste one moment. I make love to him for the first time as my husband. He makes love to me again, once on the balcony overlooking the lake, then in the luxurious shower. Finally, as dawn's light illuminates our bedroom, with the sweet scent of our couplings still heavy in the air, we succumb to sleep in one another's arms. Content that we will always be there when we awake. For the rest of our lives, we'll be home.

**The end.**

* * *

><p><strong>Farewell sweet boys!<strong>

**Although, Ch. 8 is a future-take of the boys about thirteen years in the future... :-)**


End file.
